My journey to a debt free life

HairyHandofDartmoor

It sounds like you had a nice relaxing day. Are you off until Christmas now?

That book sounds really interesting. It's very easy to think that buying things will make us happy, but it rarely does. A lot of buying is caused by worrying about what other people think of us. Keeping up with the Joneses. The secret is to not to care what anyone thinks .

Onebrokelady

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

It sounds like you had a nice relaxing day. Are you off until Christmas now?

That book sounds really interesting. It's very easy to think that buying things will make us happy, but it rarely does. A lot of buying is caused by worrying about what other people think of us. Keeping up with the Joneses. The secret is to not to care what anyone thinks .

I did have a lovely relaxing day Hairy,I'm back at work on Christmas Eve but only for an early shift so 7.30 until 3.30 and a friend has just messaged me to say she is working so can give me a lift,this means I can get up at 6.15 instead of 5.15 :j:j:j

He mentions keeping up with the Joneses a lot,ad execs spend all their time convincing us we have to keep up with the Jones's,I'm not really bothered about what other people think of me to be honest but I am guilty of getting sucked into the consumerist lifestyle,as you will have read previously in my diary I used to buy a lot of magazines and I think they were partly to blame,since I've stopped buying them I don't feel the same about buying things for the house anymore, my mum still buys me a couple a month but i read the last one and it just didn't interest me
I'm more interested in the mind and body now than things,I am decorating my house next year but not just for the sake of it,it hasn't been done for several years and is looking a bit grubby,I need to replace the carpets in the main areas of the house but not because I'm bored of them but because they are worn and need replacing,gone are the days when I would just change things for the sake of it

Onebrokelady

I've been into town today to get the last of the veg and it was manic,I was so glad to get home,I'm just having a coffee then I have stuff to do,there is a mountain of ironing that I've been ignoring in the hope that the ironing fairy would do it (DD2:D)but she has been working all week so hasn't had time,I'm determined to get it done today mainly because I'm running out of clothes:rotfl:

Onebrokelady

The ironing is done and it only took me an hour and a half,DD came home and said"oh that was one of my jobs for tomorrow ":(

Onebrokelady

Went to Mum and Dads today to drop off their presents so I didn't have to carry them round town then me and Mum went into town together for lunch and a mooch round the shops
While I was at their house talking to my dad he told me that he lost his voice last night,I asked him if he had a sore throat and he said he did so I presumed it was because of that, but when we left the house mum told me that he was on his hands and knees in the living room telling her he was in trouble and needed help,she said he couldn't talk properly but was ok after a few minutes, she thinks he is putting it on for sympathy but I'm not sure,she doesn't like it if he gets any attention for being ill as she says he is exaggerating and isn't as ill as he makes out
The have a very difficult relationship anyway because he is mentally abusive towards her and bullies her a lot,he just says she is over sensitive but I've seen what he can be like and not just with her
There is definitely something not right with him lately,I think he is losing the the plot a bit but I don't see him very often to decide if his mental capacity is declining,from some of the things mum tells me I think he has the beginnings of dementia,I'm hoping not because he can be a nasty piece of work at the best of times without adding dementia into the mix
He has disowned my half sister who is his daughter but has a different mum to me,he says he wants a DNA test done to prove she is his, they fell out years ago over some money that he loaned her and although she paid it back it wasn't quick enough so he charged her interest ,they haven't spoken since
He has always been very careful with money ( ie tight) but recently he is splashing the cash all over the place,he's just paid to recarpet the house and wants to buy a new cooker,this is a man who uses stuff until it's not repairable anymore,he showed my mum that he has £120,000 saved up when she asked him where the money for the carpets had come from, she asked him why he was spending it and he said I'm not going to be here for much longer and I can't take it with me,so mum said don't you want to leave some for the children and he said no I bloody don't
I'm not fussed about the money but I'm hoping he doesn't do anything rash that will affect my mum

HairyHandofDartmoor

I hope your dad doesn't have dementia and that your mum will be okay. You sound a bit worried about it all.

It was manic in town here too :eek:, but I think (hope) all the shopping is done now.

Onebrokelady

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I hope your dad doesn't have dementia and that your mum will be okay. You sound a bit worried about it all.

It was manic in town here too :eek:, but I think (hope) all the shopping is done now.

A
I am a bit worried about it to be honest because he is a difficult person at the best of times and adding something like dementia into the mix won't be good for my mum,his brother had it in the year leading up to his death and he got violent,my Dad is starting to sound more like his brother every day, the thing is as well is that although my sister has power of attorney for him she lives a long way away so it's going to fall to me to sort things out but I can't legally sort anything because I'm not his power of attorney, I can see a possible troublesome time ahead,hopefully I'm barking up the wrong tree and there's nothing wrong,but my gut instinct has been on alert for a while now
We saw him at our local shopping center when we were coming back on the bus on Wednesday and I told him we saw him today but he said he wasn't there on Wednesday,it was definitely him so either he has forgotten or he is lying, he has had a few affairs in the past so does lie to my mum but I think he's too old for that now
He had a major heart attack a couple of years ago and it really knocked the stuffing out of him,he has always been a healthy person who was quite sporty until late in life,so now he is feeling his age and I think it's making him depressed so he is feeling a bit vulnerable, my Mum has no sympathy for him whatsoever but then I can't blame her for that because he can be so nasty to her

Cherryfudge

It sounds like a very difficult situation OBL, do you have enough contact with your sister to talk to her about it? As you say, if you don't have Power of Attorney (and presumably your Mum doesn't either), your sister will have to be involved eventually if he looses the ability to handle his own affairs.

If it is dementia of course it's hard to say how it could present or how long it would take. Both my parents had it eventually but that doesn't give me wide experience. Are you keeping a note of concerns and dates? It could be useful though hopefully you won't ever need to have the data.

It may also be worth checking if their house is in joint names or whatever the technical terminology is. I'm thinking of your Mum's welfare here.

Hopefully it will all come to nothing though, life never seems to take the direction we foresee, somehow.

Your book sounds interesting, by the way. Thanks for the review!

Willowtree222

I think your dad's behaviour is very different too. You must be really concerned. Is there anything your mum can do to protect the money so that she is ok? I don't mean that this is her only focus, but so that he doesn't do something irrational with it and then she ends up not able to live etc.

Perhaps he has an infection or something? I know they can also make you very confused. It would make sense with the voice thing.

I hope tomorrow's shift goes well for you. x

Onebrokelady

Cherryfudge wrote: »

It sounds like a very difficult situation OBL, do you have enough contact with your sister to talk to her about it? As you say, if you don't have Power of Attorney (and presumably your Mum doesn't either), your sister will have to be involved eventually if he looses the ability to handle his own affairs.

If it is dementia of course it's hard to say how it could present or how long it would take. Both my parents had it eventually but that doesn't give me wide experience. Are you keeping a note of concerns and dates? It could be useful though hopefully you won't ever need to have the data.

It may also be worth checking if their house is in joint names or whatever the technical terminology is. I'm thinking of your Mum's welfare here.

Hopefully it will all come to nothing though, life never seems to take the direction we foresee, somehow.

Your book sounds interesting, by the way. Thanks for the review!

I don't speak to my sister at all,we both have power of attorney for my mum and my sister has it with her partner for my Dad,this is in itself a problem as my sister will ride roughshod over anything I suggest and her partner is likely to encourage her to do god knows what,I'm not too concerned with that because if needs be I will just walk away,
I don't speak to my sister because doing so affects my mental health in a negative way and I can't cope with her drama, we have agreed to be civil to each other if we happen to come across each other at family gatherings and to deal with any problems with mum but it's not going to be easy at all
If Dad does have the beginnings of dementia then its in the early stages from my limited experience and I'm not close enough to him to monitor his behaviour,I see him about once every 6 weeks or so when I go to the house to get my hair cut ,I keep my distance because of the way he treats my mum and she won't allow me to step in so for my own sanity I stay away,I have asked her to leave him on several occasions but she won't so we just have to make the best of a bad situation
The house is in joint names and its left to who ever lives the longest then passes onto me and my sisters on the death of both of our parents,they have just been and drawn up wills after Dads brother died without apparently leaving one

I will just have to see how it goes,my sister visited recently so I don't know if she noticed anything unusual,she tends to gang up with him against my mum so if mum mentions anything to her she probably won't take it seriously,,she probably wouldn't say anything to me if she has noticed anything,and I can't ask her because she is likely to tell him of my suspicions and that would be a disaster
It's in the back of my mind that there is a problem brewing but it's not keeping me awake or anything,I think writing it down helps to get any worry out of my head, that's a good idea about making a note of dates etc,I will do that from now on

The book is really good and is inspiring me to make do with less material possessions,in fact at the moment I have an overwhelming urge to get rid of most of my non essential belongings for a simpler life,I havent got the energy to do that though so will just have a good clear out after Christmas :rotfl: