Unsolicited message?

rach_k

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I'm not that old, only mid thirties! I find it really creepy when I get a totally unsolicited message saying something like 'Hey you're really pretty would love to chat!' Its just an instant block.

He's not a total stranger though, they've been to the same event and obviously share an interest. A message about her looks would be creepy, I agree, but a quick message about seeing her at the event and hoping to see her next time wouldn't seem creepy to me (possibly a bit weird though, which is why I'd suggest posting in the event group first and hoping she replies).

Red-Squirrel_2

rach_k wrote: »

He's not a total stranger though, they've been to the same event and obviously share an interest. A message about her looks would be creepy, I agree, but a quick message about seeing her at the event and hoping to see her next time wouldn't seem creepy to me (possibly a bit weird though, which is why I'd suggest posting in the event group first and hoping she replies).

They haven't exchanged a word though, he only knows what she looks like. If they'd said hello and introduced themselves it wouldn't be creepy.

SuperPikachu

unholyangel wrote: »

OP I'm going to give you a slightly different view.

I used to smile and be nice to strangers. Now I'm very wary of being nice to strange men because experience has taught me that many of them mistake the act of simply being nice as having a romantic interest in them.

I'd also be concerned if someone who had only glanced my way went to the trouble of finding out my name and tracked me down on social media. To me its the difference between talking to someone you like at a pub and following them home and peering through the curtains.

However I appreciate my views may be tainted by the disturbing experiences I've had so I'm more likely to see it in a bad light.

^ I would second this. Even in our day of tinder and whatever else this is still creepy if you made no effort to talk in person to them

fairy_lights

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

They haven't exchanged a word though, he only knows what she looks like. If they'd said hello and introduced themselves it wouldn't be creepy.

This is true, if someone I'd met and spoken to messaged me I would think they were being friendly. If a man I'd only ever made fleeting eye contact with and knew nothing about messaged me I'd assume they were trying to get in to my pants or harvest my kidneys, or at very least were a bit socially inept.

hazyjo

I get the whole 'modern day thing' where people message strangers they find attractive. Whether it's some random they've stumbled on, or whether it's a friend of a friend of a friend or whatever.


But for the OP to have actually seen her and smiled at her and consciously gone searching for her to send her a message - nah it's not romantic, it's creepy. Maybe in 6 months time it wouldn't look quite so creepy, but not when he's hoping to see her at another class.


If you message her and she doesn't reply, you'll (a) wonder if she got the message, (b) not know if she's ignoring you - maybe someone else got to it first, or (c) not know if you've blown it and not be able to then approach her at a class. Can you imagine messaging her and not getting a reply - would you say 'did you get my message?' or would you just avoid her? If you're going to ask her that, just talk to the girl.

heavenfire

So a woman looked at you and just because you're single and looking you have decided she must be too. Please don't send her a message yet. You havent spoken to her, you don't know if she is single or in fact interested.

You could put her off completely from ever attending the events again and ruin what might have been something she truly enjoyed by making her feel awkward and/or uncomfortable. Speak to her. She will return to the class and continue to talk to you if she does like you

Poor_Single_lady

What did you decide to do - if anything moneysaver.

I'm a member of a sort of club which has a lot of members and people message each other on Facebook without having spoken to each other. It is part of the culture of being in the real-life group and the Facebook group. but cruicially these would be friendly messages without any sort of romance.
It's a social group and people like meeting each other.

I think if I was her I would prefer to talk in real life first though. But it's personal. Just hoping you got the girl.

davidwood681

Those who say it's creepy may be right.....but I bet they wouldn't mind if a ''Brad Pit'' messaged them.

Either way OP, do your business face to face if possible.
If she isn't interested, walk away.

hazyjo

davidwood681 wrote: »

Those who say it's creepy may be right.....but I bet they wouldn't mind if a ''Brad Pit'' messaged them.

I'd still find it creepy! If it was a one off event, then it'd be okay and maybe flattering (although I would certainly proceed with caution - even Ted Bundy was good looking!). I think with me that it's the fact it's a regular event. Hopefully she'll go back. I know if I fancied someone there, I'd be knocking down walls to go again lol

moneysaverz83

Hello again.

Brief look at comments here. Definitely some people that are more forward/brave/younger/less restrained than others in all things social media, contact etc.

I count myself in that category.

Eg - went to a gig this week, unloaded a picture on Instagram of it, then saw that a girl had uploaded a picture, I made a comment About it being a great gig...she goes through various of my other pics, liking them and hits 'follow'. Some may think weird/stalky, I don't think twice, flattered if anything. That's today's connected world...I guess

Not sure why I asked here really, looking at some posts, people (guess a British thing?) are too safe, too cautious etc.

Anyway, went to the class, she wasn't there.

Dropped her a brief/friendly message (BTW, I remembered her name from the class and she was down as attending the last time, nothing odd about that, no stalking/searching involved).

Message hasn't been read. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Maybe she'll respond negatively (not sure how, I basically said hello, remembered you from before, and mentioned id been to the latest one, type thing), or she may even respond positively.

Either way, if you don't try, you'll never know.

Better to regret things you've done, than regret things you haven't.

Peace