Courgette resets her sights

tootallulah

My goodness I could have written what TallGirl has written above and agree with every word. Everything she says about family and work life balance is so true. I am 60 still not mortgage free and so much regret not having children (just didn't happen). You need a budget that includes, treats, holidays, clothes, fun , saving and mortgage payback. How about working it out in relation to your age, when the kids will do to Uni etc. Since I have been using YNAB I have got money in every pot and have made loads more progress perhaps that might help?

Courgette

Oh gosh, you're all so kind :kisses3:

Does it make sense if I say I know all this with my brain bit but am completely unable to believe it and act on it in the gut bit? That's the real problem for me. I can stand back objectively and say this is all daft and if a friend of mine was getting herself this wound up I'd want to do everything to help her.

I had been wondering about something like YNAB actually but thought maybe I'd use it as a tool to wind myself up even more, a bit like when you use the OP calculators and you make things tighter and tighter and tighter just to bring the date down.

I've got lovely things planned. We've got an all day Easter party do-dah locally tomorrow and I've got the stuff in for an Easter egg hunt in the garden. I've also done some nail research but got stuck because I don't know the difference between gel and shellac. Found a grooooooupon code though for shellac fingers for £10 though so I'll probably go for that.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I liken my attitude to money to something like an eating disorder or drug addiction. You know sensibly how you need to be and that you want to change and you can plan small things in, like getting a beauty treatment or buying something nice but not essential, but it's having the tools to not clam up again completely and to lose the overwhelming sense of guilt around everything that I lack.

Okay some practical stuff:
1. I need to upgrade my phone. Mine is fine except it only has an 8gb memory which actually makes it almost useless as a smart phone. Already got an SD card for it but actually very difficult to use despite a lot of time trying to get it to work (shop assistants see me coming and hide :rotfl:). Where can I get a cheap, decent smartphone for not loads but also that will last. I'm thinking iphone6 kind of thing. I have zero brand loyalty. Reconditioned 2nd fine as long as I know it'll work.
2. The bigger one: if I wanted a couple of weeks somewhere sunny, with safe water nearby and lots of good food for a family of four in August, where do I begin to look for this and how do I know what's a good price to pay? Without spending 50 gazillion hours online? Don't want anywhere too touristy, by which I mean loud nightclubs. Hated Cyprus if that helps at all. Where do I begin with this and what's a reasonable amount to expect to pay? In the past, I've always been happy to spend a bit more on travel if it means everything is cheaper when we get there although I don't know if this makes sense. It would be nice if the children could have unlimited ice-cream and access to water without me tensing up every time they ask.

Thanks, and thanks all for being lovely :T

ToTheBatcave

Delurking from this thread just to echo what others have said. I think you're doing brilliantly and are being a bit hard on yourself. I hope you can find a better spending balance that gives you a bit more freedom to enjoy small pleasures without feeling guilty.

On the phone issue Im no expert but I usually go with Motorola's G series, they're considered some of the best value for money smartphones on the market. They're due to release the G6 soon so you depending on how quickly you need it that might be an option but obviously will be more expensive than a G5. I still use a G3 and like yours lack of memory is the only major issue for wanting to upgrade.

I also don't know about holiday prices for families in August but know friends who have booked through Jet2 for summer holidays and really recommend it, they do all kinds of packages for families an often do cashback deals. Hope that helps!

Courgette

Hi all,

Just popping in to say I've had a good think and am continuing to have a good think about my whole attitude to money. I think it's safe to say there are some issues here so I've bought myself a book to start addressing some of them. One of the first things it asks is for you to list reasons why you deserve money - I genuinely cannot think of any at all!

You'll also be delighted to know I am typing this with the most gorgeous sonic blue finger nails. I love them so much! Not gel nails cos I haven't had time yet to arrange, just regular old nail varnish but they're so fun!

Raining here so will be a museum day with the boys. Will make a really strong effort to say yes much more to them. I'm so lucky I get to be their mum so I want to make sure I enjoy it

One of the things my book also says it to make sure you're grateful for what you have including money and lose the negative self talk. Lots of work for me to do here!

newgirly

You sound so much more positive already, have a great day out

Downshifterella

Great idea courgette with the book.i can relate to the money attitude too in some ways having experienced similar in terms of some serious housing instability ....I cant say much better than the others have .yay on the nail varnish too X

Courgette

Just a quick check in while I wait for a student.

Having a lovely Easter break with the lads. I am consciously practising saying yes to them. My usual state is to panic about the money and say no when they ask for stuff but I've really made the effort not to resort to this default. Interestingly enough, nothing they have asked for has actually been that expensive. On Thursday for example we went to the local tennis courts at tea time and had a dusk picnic and a 'match' (very inverted commas there!). Saturday we had the whole day in a soft play centre which cost a tenner then I treated them to some food and me a coffee, another fiver. Not the cheapest day but completely fine.

I'm also trying to not tally up the cost of each day in terms of money earned vs money spent which is something I usually do and drives me a bit mad.

Finally, one of the things my book says is to make sure you're sending out the right impression if you want to earn more money. Because I work from home and the house is looking shabby we have spent the day clearing the front garden, loads of pruning and lots of builders stuff moved into the back garden out of sight of students. Still more to do here (still got approx 850kg of builders sand to move for example - arghhhh!) but it's looking better. I've bought some tissues for running student noses rather than nipping to the bathroom for a loo roll.

Oh, I've also bought a load of picnic food so I can easily assemble picnics in the morning which makes us far more likely to get out the door. Treated myself to some sandwich bags too, 3p each dontcha know

I still have so much work to do on my mindset but I've definitely made a start!

beanielou

Great start :j

Courgette

Gorgeous day today. Went on the bus to a local not National Trust but similar place. Spent £6 on ice-cream but otherwise free. Loads of fresh air and running around. DS3 fell in the lake, as you do, but was very good natured about it. There were bits of leaves floating in the bath!

It occurred to me that I shouldn't really be including the cost of bus/train fares for family days out as I very much doubt people with cars factor in depreciation and petrol etc in their mega cheap entertainment budgets. Just a thought.

Sonic blue fingernails still looking amazing. Obviously have had to redo them a few times

beanielou

Glad that you had a good day