Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

lessonlearned

That's just it Kittie......the future just looks so bleak. . Oh well maybe the house move will help. Give me something to focus on. Maybe what I need is a project to sink my teeth into and take my mind off things.

I was going to go into town today and get my hair cut but it really is too hot here. I'll go when it cools down a bit, hopefully next week. I've got stuff I can do in the meantime. A bit more sorting and packing.

I'll be ok. At least I can come on here and tell you lot how I feel without having to bore family and friends to tears.....

Elona_2

LL

You know they would understand but I completly get why you don't want to show how you feel and put a good face on things. I dread the 13th of next month as it is my birthday but also the day before we suddenly got the news that the cancer had returned and was terminal. Hopefully having a grandchild to think about will diffuse things a bit. I am determined not to be "interfering" and to give parents and baby time and space to bond properly.

It is too hot to do anything but laundry is out on the line, dishwasher is loaded and I need to tidy the kitchen before the cleaner arrives to give me a hand. Beds need to be changed as youngest is coming back at the weekend but might spend a night at her sisters so will stay flexible.

Hugs to all

wort

Hugs LL. XX

I'm safely out of June, got all the first year anniversaries out of the way.
The cruise was lovely, my sister was the perfect person to be with, as we share similar interests, Venice was amazing, and I know he was right there with me.

I've been back in work for a week then went for my op to have the neuroma removed from my foot on Tuesday, which was a cancellation so no time to worry over it. I'll be off 4 weeks at least.
I'm fed up already , not being able to do much, I managed a sort of shower this morning and put some washing in, I'd been sleeping downstairs, so now I've conquered getting up the stairs, I will go to bed tonight.

Good luck to all of you moving house, I'm glad you seem to have found the perfect place.:T

lessonlearned

TBH I feel absolutely dreadful, increased shoulder pain, can hardly move my neck, runny nose, headache and exhausted.

Apparently this is all quite common when you start a course of acupuncture. And so too are heightened emotions, apparently. They call it a healing crisis.

Actually it makes sense......I know that much of my physical pain is down to years of suppressed emotions, all that cortisol and inflammation does a lot of damage. All that stiff upper lip stuff doesn't really do us any good in the long run. It can makes us very sick.

All the years of stress and worry. The body has to get rid of it and i never let my body heal itself. I never took care of myself and for years I was just living on adrenaline. I just kept going and going like some overwound Duracell bunny.

My old GP warned me but what can you do.....when you are the carer, you have little choice in the matter. Then, no sooner as my caring duties ended, then I had my parents deaths to deal with and the aftermath with my sister. Anyway I will just have to be a Patient patient. It's time I cared for myself for a change. As I come up to my birthday and the anniversary of my husband's death I am forcibly reminded that I am alone, I have no one to look after me if I get really sick so I need to take care of myself. It's a sobering thought. Yesterday I had terrible chest pains (no not a heart attack) but it occurred to me I could die in my kitchen and no one would know.

Anyway, I really don't want to do much for my birthday. I just want to be quiet. I don't think I could keep up the pretence and maintain a jolly persona this time so I may just plead illness and keep myself to myself for a few days.

No, Elona I'm not going to interfere either.

DIL has her parents here and I think already she is finding it a bit much. DS said she has been very snappy and tearful, she snapped at me the other day over nothing, then sent me a long garbled text message. I have been a bit upset over this but I am just going to let it go.

Whilst in many ways it's nice that her parents are here, personally I think you can have too much of a good thing. 3 months is a long time to have houseguests at the best of times, even family. But when there's a new baby.....well Lets just say I can see choppy waters ahead.

Elona like you, I think new parents have to be left to find themselves and bond as a family unit. I'm not sure they can do this with her parents around 24/7. I think they would have been better renting a small place nearby rather than living cheek by jowl for such a long time.

I had already made up my mind that I shall keep my visits short and sweet, and my lips sealed at all times. No matter what. I think that whilst her family are here I shall definitely be maintaining a low profile. I may find that I have to be rather "busy" and otherwise engaged at times.:rotfl:

Actually that's not too far removed from the truth. I will be busy with my new house trying to get reasonably straight before the winter sets in.

Had a chat with solicitor this morning, all seems to be going pretty smoothly.

lessonlearned

Wort....glad to hear all went well and that you had such a nice time. Venice is gorgeous.

Hope your foot heals nicely.. Enjoy your rest, hopefully now you can manage the stairs again you will Continue to improve and get stronger.

humptydumptybits

Elona wise words. I've managed to navigate 3 DsIL and 6 pregnancies/babies/littlies and now some teenagers and never had a row with their parents. I never offer advice, if asked I will say what I did/would do but never ever offer. Actually 2 of them have said they wish their mums were more like me as they seem to fall out at times but both of them have mums who are very assertive and don't hold back with what they think they should be doing.



Another thing is I always check with mum and dad before buying presents, I had a MIL who bought so many toys it was a nightmare so I swore I would never do that.



I am almost always available for babysitting and love that but again the offer is there and they ask when they need it, some more than others. I have to confess (don't tell them) that I am looking forward to my daughter having children, I think it is easier with your own daughter although as my DsIL show it doesn't always work.


I've got one GS with me now and another confession, he is granny's pet. The others don't know, I try really hard not to let it show but he stole my heart along time ago and we are very close. He isn't the only boy, he wasn't the first but he is totally wonderful, not that I'm biased. He's just asked if he can stay tonight, crafty move as he doesn't need to go to breakfast club if he is with me so gets an extra hour in bed. He likes being spoilt by granny.


Wort glad the cruise went well. I got eaten alive by mosquitoes when I went to Venice, I looked such a mess as they were huge great red bites. I've never had it happen anywhere else but I am obviously tasty to the local mosquitoes, an acquired taste perhaps?

[Deleted User]

welcome home wort!! You`ll have to put your feet up now, at least you will have wimbledon



I also confess to having a secret pet grandchild, my first born, a boy, who loves his nan to bits, we arm wrestle and he just about manages a cuddle , he is going into puberty soon. I treat them all equally but I have my secret


I am overtired but not looking foward to going to bed, it is just too flipping stiffling, there is no freshness in the air. I have to have 2 hours of the pedestal fan on, it is low, in the bedroom. I should go up though as I need to pick soft fruit first thing

humptydumptybits

Not just me then Kittie. I would never let the others know but they don't lose out and I love them all.

[Deleted User]

LL happy birthday and may each year get better and better than last year. I wish you peace, harmony, happiness as you make that house your home and most of all I wish you the very best of health

wort

LL, take care of yourself, and happy birthday! X

Slept well in bed last night, it was breezy here yesterday so it was pleasant sat inside.i was tired most of yesterday ,I think it was catching up after the night before after having the op and sleeping on couch I only had around 3 hours sleep.
As it's 12 months since hubby died , all the utilities that I had to change into my name back then, are now at the end of contract, so this enforced sitting is being used to get better deals. They don't make it easy though I've been on live chat on so many sites !!
To make sure I get the new one to start as the old one ends without incurring charges, I wish you could just sign up and put in the exact date you want it to run from as you do with insurance.!
I've also a bank account that had a good interest rate for 12 months that now needs looking at.
My heads boggled!