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Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Over 50s Money Saving
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  • lessonlearnedlessonlearned Forumite
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    I've been Money Tipped!
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    My neighbour has been widowed twice, from two happy marriages. She is still only just 65. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like :(

    I used to be a manager in a sheltered housing complex. One of my ladies was well into her 80s. She had been married and widowed 4 times.

    I have to say she was inspirational. Always jolly, happy and smiling. When we had a new resident who was feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed she would be one of the first to welcome them and make friends with them, taking them under her wing as it were.

    She was a remarkable woman, because despite having her own health issues she was always helping others. She was just a beacon of light who radiated joy and happiness.

    No wonder she was such a man magnet......:rotfl:
  • lessonlearnedlessonlearned Forumite
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    I've been Money Tipped!
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    Finally.....there’s a nice yellow ball in the sky, giving off heat and light. I am sat in a deckchair, just having a cuppa, taking a break from gardening and just enjoying the warmth.

    Photographer coming on Monday so want to get the garden looking good for some nice outside shots.

    The house is looking lovely even if I do say so myself. Spent most of yesterday refurbishing a Victorian tiled floor. It has come up a treat. Definitely a wow factor in a period property.

    I have found two white feathers.....one from mum one from my husband. They are guiding me and approve of what I’m doing. I have tried to move before but just couldn’t seem to get all my ducks in a row. This time it just feels right.

    House goes on the market next week. Wish me luck.

    Hope you are all well and that the warm sunshine lifts your spirits.
  • White_muskWhite_musk Forumite
    179 posts
    LL, so pleased your house is all ready and beautiful. I'm sure now you have it all sorted out it will ease the stress of moving. I was beyond lucky, my old house sold almost immediately, it was almost like everything was aligned to make sure this move happened, perhaps that was my white feather?

    Yay, we have sun here too. The window cleaner came this morning and I can see out of the windows. I'd done inside but he has done a lovely job of the outside. I'm sitting in the living room and the sun is pouring through my nice clean windows.

    I'm looking at kitchens, I have no idea what I would like so am looking for inspiration. My last house had a galley kitchen which I very soon learned to hate, this house has a smaller but square one which I love. I have tons of cupboards and don't want to lose many if any of them but maybe other storage solutions could be found. Storage is the biggest problem I have here so don't want to lose any of what I have. I won't go with a fashionable kitchen but one I like. I'm beginning to feel a little excited but a big bit daunted too.

    Hugs.
    Feb 2019 GC £151.53/£300
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
  • poppy811poppy811 Forumite
    182 posts
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Welcome Crystallady I hope you will feel amongst friends here. I don't think the pain ever goes away but it does become less fierce over time and the depairing days come less often.

    Good luck to all the house hunters at the moment, nothing has come on the market in my price bracket yet but now the weather is looking up hopefully things may improve.

    Youngest son has just popped in to say goodbye he is off to New Zealand tonight with his little family to visit DIL mum who is terminally ill. I am out to lunch with daughter and 3 grandchildren for an early birthday lunch, her treat!
  • seven-day-weekendseven-day-weekend Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
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    I used to be a manager in a sheltered housing complex. One of my ladies was well into her 80s. She had been married and widowed 4 times.

    I have to say she was inspirational. Always jolly, happy and smiling. When we had a new resident who was feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed she would be one of the first to welcome them and make friends with them, taking them under her wing as it were.

    She was a remarkable woman, because despite having her own health issues she was always helping others. She was just a beacon of light who radiated joy and happiness.

    No wonder she was such a man magnet......:rotfl:

    My neighbour who has been widowed twice is also always happy and smiling, ready to lend a helping hand and a wonderful mum and grandma to her family. It has been 25 years since her first husband died and ten years since her second husband, they were only married for a few years. Both her husbands died suddenly. One had a heart attack and one was killed in a car crash.

    I can't begin to imagine how awful that must be.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • wortwort Forumite
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    Happy birthday poppy! Enjoy your lunch.X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
    0 posts
    MoneySaving Newbie
    oh dear! I am finding that one day is merging with another, I need to find events and so on, things to look forward to. The highlights at the moment are from getting house maintenance done, like the paint touch up and today, some rendering. I cannot believe it but I am actually looking forward to painting a large expanse of outside garden wall render, none of it is higher than I can easily reach with one of my step ladders. Yet again though, it is solitary work but at least there will be satisfaction

    Doh, I have to do more than this and U3A will be in my line of vision after I have moved. Its awful hard to go from day to day to day, solo after never having lived on my own. Childhood I was the oldest of 7, then communal living in college, then married.
  • lessonlearnedlessonlearned Forumite
    13.3K posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
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    Kittie.....the simple fact is the human species was not meant to live a solitary life. We are genetically and biologically programmed to live with others or at least connect with them on a regular basis. So although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with living alone we do need that human interconnection. So your idea of joining U3A is spot on.

    I have to say I am not a joiner as such but even I am prepared to give groups like that a whirl, if you just make a couple of new friends then it is worthwhile.

    I joined Jolly Dollies and met a couple of nice ladies. I will also join another couple of groups, possibly U3A and maybe local meet up groups. I might take up singing again and Rejoin the choir and hopefully, when my knee is a bit better, I can join a dance class. I have booked a steroid injection for Thursday. I will need knee surgery in the next couple of years, in the long term probably both knees, but I'm holding out for as long as possible.

    One thing I have decided upon is from now in I will cultivate the art of saying "yes" to anything, to any invite that comes my way. I won't think "oh I'm too tired or I don't fancy it". I will just accept the invitation gracefully and embrace the opportunity to get out and about. There's a big world out there and I intend to engage with it whilst I still can.

    The photographer came yesterday and hopefully we go live this week. Let's hope there is plenty of interest and I get a nice straightforward sale. I have booked a viewing with a bungalow on Saturday.

    The house and garden are looking nice and I've not overpriced it so it should be an attractive proposition. Both the valuer and the photographer said it was a really nice house and that it should appeal to a wide demographic. I cant do anymore, it's in the lap of the gods now.

    I spoke to a broker yesterday about a small mortgage. He said there should be no problem. This means I don't have to raid my entire life savings, I would prefer to keep some capital back for my old age.:rotfl: you never know what's round the corner and I always think it's easier to spend savings than it is to build them up again so I would rather keep something back in reserve.

    I am a tad nervous about this move, there is a lot riding on it and I need to get it right to ensure a happy and secure future. It's hard making these decisions by myself, I really miss not having my husband to thrash out ideas with. Hey ho.

    I just need to trust my instincts and take a leap of faith.

    Sending you all hugs and healing vibes.
  • Elona_2Elona_2 Forumite
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    LL

    Good luck with house searching. Once you have a good idea of what is important, access to transport, shops, doctor etc. then don't forget to listen to your instincts. One of my dd's with the best of intentions suggested I move to a small village because it had a lot of social activities etc.. and was a lovely place and was a bit bemused when I pointed out there were only a couple of buses a day and I would be in a place I had never even visited . People project themselves into their suggestions and don't realise how daunting a complete change of location can be , especially someone on their own and in the first stages of grief.

    I am volunteering at the library this afternoon but an order of a spare pram/pushchair to be kept at my house is due to be delivered today so fingers crossed. DD and SIL have yet to find out how much space baby stuff like carry cot, pram take up in a car so if I have a spare carrycot, pram here then they only have to think about the baby, car seat, nappies, clothes when they come to visit for a night. I managed to find a system that was on sale brand new for less than a third of the price so snapped it up while it was still available.

    LL

    You have a lot of knowledge of houses and what to look for but it does feel different when you are the only one making the decision. Is there anyone close to you around the same age you could use as a sounding board?

    Hugs to all.
  • Elona_2Elona_2 Forumite
    353 posts
    Third Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
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    LL

    Good luck with house searching. Once you have a good idea of what is important, access to transport, shops, doctor etc. then don't forget to listen to your instincts. One of my dd's with the best of intentions suggested I move to a small village because it had a lot of social activities etc.. and was a lovely place and was a bit bemused when I pointed out there were only a couple of buses a day and I would be in a place I had never even visited . People project themselves into their suggestions and don't realise how daunting a complete change of location can be , especially someone on their own and in the first stages of grief.

    I am volunteering at the library this afternoon but an order of a spare pram/pushchair to be kept at my house is due to be delivered today so fingers crossed. DD and SIL have yet to find out how much space baby stuff like carry cot, pram take up in a car so if I have a spare carrycot, pram here then they only have to think about the baby, car seat, nappies, clothes when they come to visit for a night. I managed to find a system that was on sale brand new for less than a third of the price so snapped it up while it was still available.

    LL

    You have a lot of knowledge of houses and what to look for but it does feel different when you are the only one making the decision. Is there anyone close to you around the same age you could use as a sounding board?

    Hugs to all.
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