Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

MrAPJI

crv1963 wrote: »

How is your recovery coming along?

Very well thank you crv - I no longer resemble an 'egyptian mummy':) - and all bandages and casts have been removed! Physio has commenced and I'm now feeling something like my old self. I've been staying with my brother and sister-in-law and they've been fantastic - count myself very lucky.


Your mum sounds very independent - pleased she has someone who genuinely cares about her.

Mr_Costcutter

crv1963 wrote: »

My mothers idea of hell is going into a Nursing Home listening to the old songs from the war, she danced to Cliff Richard and the Shadows in the Dance Hall and was banned by her father from listening to Elvis on the radio "because he was too suggestive!"

To think that Cliff Richard is still going strong! Quite astonishing really.
The prospect of ending my days in a Nursing Home, absolutely fills me with dread. It's no wonder so many people are now looking to make 'alternative arrangements'.

retiredandskint

White_musk wrote: »

It isn't wrong, not one bit is it wrong. I didn't cook for a week 10 days something like that, I lived on crisps and chocolate. So what! I didn't do myself any harm. I didn't shower for a few days as it just didn't occur to me. Was I wrong? No, of course I wasn't I was dealing with a horrendous situation in the best way I could. (((hugs)))

My husband died a week ago today and your comment about crisps and chocolate brought a much needed smile. I too am eating crisps and chocolate, I haven't showered, got dressed or opened the blinds today. I miss my husband dreadfully, in his case it was a merciful release, he had Lewy Body dementia and was very tormented.

Buggins

So sorry that you needed to join this thread but pleased you were able to have a little smile. It really does help knowing other people are 'out there'. Sincere condolences on the death of your husband. Take great care of yourself.

sheilavw

So sorry to hear of the loss of your Husband , such a cruel disease

happyandcontented

Sorry to hear about your loss. I am sure you will be welcomed on here by all the posters who have gone through similar trauma and by everyone else who pops in to offer what support we can.

daisy_1571

So sorry retired and skint, that sounds like such mixed emotions as he hadn't been well. Take care if yourself but if that's all you want to do sometimes then no harm in doing it

Daisy xx

daisy_1571

When I was reading through this thread when I first found it to catch up, many many pages ago I remember somebody was annoyed/dismayed/incredulous (sorry cant rem who and cant rem quite what they emotion was) that somebody suggested they get a dog and there was a short discussion about the idea that a dog can never replace a partner and it was an inappropriate thing to suggest.

Can j just make a tiny point in case it helps someone - a dog i dont feel was mooted as a direct replacement for the partner. People instincly try to help and if they suspect a bereaved person may now have a yawning hole in their life their instinct might be to suggest a way to help with that, from the best intentions not from a dismissive 'oh your husband can be replaced with a dog' type of way.

I feel it was probably suggested (probably by a dog owner or former dog owner) simply because the right dog at the right time in someone's life can be very good company in the house, it gives you a purpose to speak out loud to something and consult another living being 'shall we have lunch?' etc without if course getting a verbal reply but you will get a response, it gives an outlet for the natural instinct most of us have to take care of something, it gives a reason to get out of bed or the armchair as they need fed and walked regularly and when you do go out with them it gives you an opportunity to join a wonderful club of other dog walkers. Suddenly you can go up to complete strangers and start talking to them, strangers with and without dogs will come over to you and initiate conversation, if you dont feel like talking on a particular day you can raise a hand shout 'morning' but wander off in the other direction and you will still be welcomed another day when you feel more chatty.

I just wanted to say this in case someone reading may think about it in a different light. Yes a cat or budgie or other animal will fill a lot of these roles, but the crucial thing about a dog is it gives you social interaction.

Sorry for long post, just trying to help.

Hugs to anyone who needs one today.

Daisy xx

MrAPJI

My sincere condolences, Retiredandskint. This will be such a difficult time for you, but never feel that you are alone. There is always someone here who will listen and give support when needed.

retiredandskint

It's the quietness of the house. I'd spent five years caring for my husband and now nothing. I've only just had a shower and opened the curtains after two days and that's because I have to go and see the funeral director later today.