helping a teenage son

Marvel1

I'm another who prefers their own company, I would never take on a lodger.

If I'm not expecting you, the door is not been answered when knocked.

beautiful_ravens

I thought I was an anomaly in my enjoyment of alone time, but this thread has shown me Im not quite the freak I thought haha

My DD is 17, and she wants friends but is terrified of talking to others and trying to make friends. She has one kind-of friend at college. She still cries in situations she can't handle, its a nightmare, but she is so bored of having no one to go about with. Ive tried to push her towards looking for a job but it always ends in this fearful crying, never mind things like phone calls or job interviews.
I really thought that she would make a bunch of new friends at college, but she hasnt.
The problem seems to be that she is scared of either not knowing what to say, or saying something that makes her look foolish.

Fireflyaway

I don't have any friends. Occasionally ( like twice a year) we might go to a social function with my husbands friends but personally I have no friends of my own and I'm very happy this way. My mum worries about this and cant understand how I can be happy with no friends but I genuinely am. I speak with people at work so I'm not anti social, but I hate small talk and prefer my own company. I'd happily read a book in a coffee shop or go to the cinema alone. Parties and social functions fill me with dread!
On the other hand my daughter is quite sociable. She makes friends quite easily but still likes her own company. Both myself and my daughter are only children.
So what I'm saying is don't worry. He may be totally happy the way he is. If not then he could try out some more clubs where other young people share similar interests. Don't force it though. I'm happy with no friends but I don't like people feeling sorry for me because of it.

Spendless

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

I thought I was an anomaly in my enjoyment of alone time, but this thread has shown me Im not quite the freak I thought haha

My DD is 17, and she wants friends but is terrified of talking to others and trying to make friends. She has one kind-of friend at college. She still cries in situations she can't handle, its a nightmare, but she is so bored of having no one to go about with. Ive tried to push her towards looking for a job but it always ends in this fearful crying, never mind things like phone calls or job interviews.
I really thought that she would make a bunch of new friends at college, but she hasnt.
The problem seems to be that she is scared of either not knowing what to say, or saying something that makes her look foolish.

Awwww .

In his mid teens (maybe 15ish), we tried to encourage DS to make friends and he used to say similar things. I recall him saying that he couldn't just go up to someone and say 'Do you want to be my friend?' as though he was still Infant school age.

We told him, he just needed to start a conversation with someone, and then build on that, to the point where you arranged to do something with them. He still struggled. I can't tell you how he made friends at college, but I suspect it's because they have a social media account for the assignments set to discuss them and then things progressed from there. One of the group is very much an instigator of 'shall we all go to the all you can eat buffet' after college or does anyone want to meet up and without him in the friendship group, they probably wouldn't go out as much.

What's your daughter currently doing is she at sixth form doing A levels or on a college course?

beautiful_ravens

Spendless wrote: »

Awwww .

In his mid teens (maybe 15ish), we tried to encourage DS to make friends and he used to say similar things. I recall him saying that he couldn't just go up to someone and say 'Do you want to be my friend?' as though he was still Infant school age.

We told him, he just needed to start a conversation with someone, and then build on that, to the point where you arranged to do something with them. He still struggled. I can't tell you how he made friends at college, but I suspect it's because they have a social media account for the assignments set to discuss them and then things progressed from there. One of the group is very much an instigator of 'shall we all go to the all you can eat buffet' after college or does anyone want to meet up and without him in the friendship group, they probably wouldn't go out as much.

What's your daughter currently doing is she at sixth form doing A levels or on a college course?

Thanks.
She's at college. She hangs about with someone from school, but they were not close friends at school, just in the same group. Somehow the fact that they knew each other at the start of college stopped them both from mixing with their class, and now the class has divided into these groups, and theres no more mixing opportunities [strange classroom set up as well].
I have had conversations with her about how to strike up chit chat with new people, but she gets stuck in real life and doesnt know what to say. *sigh*