helping a teenage son

FBaby

he is on social media quite a lot but seems incapable of acting forming friendships away from school.

But that's how they form friendships nowadays. Do you mean he doesn't seem to have friends because he doesn't see any outside of school or activities?

I also agree with actually being happy the way things are. What I have noticed with DS15 is a definite difference between winter and summer. In the summer, he is out all of the time and then I moan that I never know where he is and worry as to what he is up to (so far no sign of anything untoward), then in the winter, I moan because he is lock in his room on social media, playing the Xbox and going to sleep too late!

At the moment, he only sees his friends at school and during training. I expect (hope) that he will be back to being outside afterschool and week-ends when the weather gets nicer).

engineer_amy

Flick216 wrote: »

I prefer being at home on my own - I would quite happily leave work on Friday and not see or speak to another person until Monday morning.

This is so me! After having to "deal" with people all day in work, there is nothing I love more than closing my front door in the evening and not have to go to the effort of speaking to anyone and making small talk.
I live on my own and can have complete peace and quiet. people often ask do I not get lonely - I don't think I have ever felt lonely, im perfectly comfortable with my own company.
I have a couple of really good friends who I can call on if I ever do want "human contact" lol, but its whenever I want. They don't get annoyed or take it personally if they invite me out and I decline on the basis of "I want to be alone". But I will drop my plans to help them if they need me.


OP I wouldn't be unduly worried about him, as long as he is performing well in school and his sporting activities. I was the same throughout school and now have a very successful career, I consider myself to be a pretty well rounded individual, not everyone needs to be a social butterfly.

rach_k

I wouldn't worry either, unless he seems unhappy or talks to you about it. Remember that over the next couple of years, he'll be moving around a bit educationally/into work, so if he's not made any particular friends at school the opportunity may arise soon anyway.

gwynlas

Stop worrying as parents your son sounds fine though it is very good that you are able to express your concerns.
He participates in sporting activities and copes well with the social side.
What you might want is for him to be part of a group of friends who are in and out of each others houses but this isn't what he wants,
He might be the sort of person who will make one or two close friends as he matures into adulthood but boys grow and mature at different rates and he might either consider those his age either childish or not want to leave childhood behind himself.
Continue to love and support him include him in more adult activities ie going out for meals, sensible drinking etc and let him make his own decisions re external friendships.

Artytarty

Another vote for don’t worry.
My son was similar, but he did have the benefit of a schoolfriend who was a neighbour so he hung out with him.
He was involved with an non school music group at weekends which he enjoyed but didn’t make close friends from.
He always seemed to need a lot of space and would get quite easily irritated by people.
Still does now in his late twenties!

He enjoyed university and make new friends there, he is till in touch with them and the school friends.

NineDeuce

I reckon he probably has an attitude problem and is a bit lairy...

ska_lover

NineDeuce wrote: »

I reckon he probably has an attitude problem and is a bit lairy...

How did you come to that conclusion?

betsie

Try and get him a part time weekend job. It was the making of my son at that age. He worked for a large diy store mixing with men and women of all ages and also the general public. It really improved his confidence and helped him come out of his shell.

NineDeuce

NineDeuce wrote: »

I reckon he probably has an attitude problem and is a bit lairy...

Well, in your own words "My gut instinct is he just just not know how to make friends, and alienates others by taking the !!!! or being a bit mean".

Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home....

jackieblack

Flick216 wrote: »

it's possible that he's just happy in his own company

This was my first thought too

Flick216 wrote: »

I prefer being at home on my own - I would quite happily leave work on Friday and not see or speak to another person until Monday morning.

Oh, me too... except for the cats

engineer_amy wrote: »

This is so me! After having to "deal" with people all day in work, there is nothing I love more than closing my front door in the evening and not have to go to the effort of speaking to anyone and making small talk.
I live on my own and can have complete peace and quiet. people often ask do I not get lonely - I don't think I have ever felt lonely, im perfectly comfortable with my own company.

Same here, 100% - if I had to be with other people all the time I think I might lose my sanity :eek:

I know some people don't understand it, I have a colleague who is very social and out every night at various groups/choirs she belongs too and has friends round for meals or is out visiting friends every weekend (her husband says it gets on his nerves, but they've been married over 40 years and she's always been this way so he just goes along with it). She has penpals abroad that she's stayed in contact with since she was at school (1960s) and meets up with people she worked with 20-40 years ago, people she met on holiday abroad 30+ years ago etc

She thinks I'm wasting my life. I don't understand why she feels the need to be out all the time (why is cackling/warbling in a draughty village hall any more meaningful a way to spend time than, for example, reading? :huh:)
But hey ho, we're all different and the world would be a much less interesting place if we weren't