becoming homeless, advice please

DaveKBmth

I must say that I thought it strange that they would be willing to pay for a 24 carer. My mum has tried to wander off at night and early hours in the morning on many occasions, I have had to sleep down stairs to keep an ear out for her. She also got lost and was found 6 miles away from home by an ambulance driver who noticed she was looking confused and trying to cross a busy carriageway, that's when I had to totally give up work. After this I asked social services what we should do and I got the "phone the police if she goes again and is gone for more than 2 hours" reply. I do not have any power of attorney, I should have done this before moving in, she is not well enough for this now, would need a solicitor i think. I would not accept money from my mum for help moving out as I think she is incapable to make that decision and she doesn't have a lot.

As for priority need, I have suffered depression since I was 18, now 45 when my dad died suddenly, been on many different medications over the years but, the past 10 I have been able to keep a handle on things myself completely drug free using meditation and controlling my thought processes. However I have just recently started seeing the doctor for this problem again. I find it incredibly hard to keep on top of paperwork, appointments etc i find it really overwhelming but I do understand that it's due to the situation and once things become more stable again so, will my mind. There are tons of people in far more priory need than us and I don't think we deserve or have the right to anything. I feel lucky to live in a country where I can even raise these types of problems and have someone listen / care.

I'm really concerned about my daughter not being housed with us as she is 18 but extremely naive and really needs our support.

Thanks for the comments guys.

elsien

Then my first question to them would be how is potentially making someone with a recognised mental health condition homeless meeting their needs! Because you possibly have your own support needs as someone with a mental health condition as well as a carer. And you might find that with more support and respite, things become a little more manageable, at least for now. Which will give you time to plan more for the future
You can request assessements directly, information on the local authority website or you can be referred by a professional such as a GP which might give it a bit more weight in your case.
This is a bit easier read. It is what your mum's assessment should involve, and similar for you as a carer.

http://www.peoplefirstinfo.org.uk/money-and-legal/care-act-2014/requesting-an-assessment-changes-under-the-care-act.aspx

And please don't think you don't deserve anything. You have probably saved the local authority quite a lot of money over the last couple of years and put your own health at risk by doing so. Give yourself credit where it is due, and if you are entitled to something then go for it.

Silvertabby

I'm not speaking from experience, thankfully, but I'd have thought that a '24 hour carer' wouldn't need a bedroom as the duties would be undertaken by 2 or 3 people working shifts.

I'd also have thought that if the council have mentioned '24 hour care' then they mean a residential home with 24 hour staffing levels.

Cakeguts

Can I suggest that instead of thinking about 24 hour care at home you start to think about residential care for your mum. This isn't giving up on her. It is actually better for her because many homes are adapted for disabled people. The problem is that as she gets older she may have mobility problems as well as dementia. There could come a point where she no longer recognises who you are or where she lives. What you will need then is professionals who know how to care for someone with dementia and all the other problems that come with it.

You have done your best.

Ask your council for a list of landlords who let to people claiming benefits and then find a property. Once you are well enough to go back to work you can move if you want to. Your 18 year old daughter needs help to find her own accommodation and become independent. This is very important as you will not live forever and she needs to have her own life.

lisyloo

I'm not speaking from experience, thankfully, but I'd have thought that a '24 hour carer' wouldn't need a bedroom as the duties would be undertaken by 2 or 3 people working shifts.

I don't think this is right (and I DO have recent experience).
This would most likely be 1 person who has a bedroom to sleep in.

However this is generally only offered if it to help someone temporarily to "get back on their feet" which doesn't seem like what we are dealing with here.
As others have said it doesn't make economic sense for a long term arrangement. It also usually involves a lack of privacy for the other people in the house.

We didn't find it acceptable to have my MIL using a commode etc. in a shared bedroom.

TBH I think she needs to go into a residential/nursing home.
It's not only the clear toll on yourselves but also her safety.

Silvertabby

“ I'm not speaking from experience, thankfully, but I'd have thought that a '24 hour carer' wouldn't need a bedroom as the duties would be undertaken by 2 or 3 people working shifts.

lisyloo wrote: »

I don't think this is right (and I DO have recent experience).
This would most likely be 1 person who has a bedroom to sleep in.

However this is generally only offered if it to help someone temporarily to "get back on their feet" which doesn't seem like what we are dealing with here.
As others have said it doesn't make economic sense for a long term arrangement. It also usually involves a lack of privacy for the other people in the house.

We didn't find it acceptable to have my MIL using a commode etc. in a shared bedroom.

TBH I think she needs to go into a residential/nursing home.
It's not only the clear toll on yourselves but also her safety.

Thank you, that makes sense. However, I understand a dementia patient is just as likely to go walkabout during the night as well as during the day, so a sleeping carer may not be enough.

DaveKBmth

The first social worker we had appointed was fantastic she used to visit regularly and asked whether we needed extra support and we felt supported, we had a meeting about my concerns with my mum wandering off and they said it was time she found residential care I said I don't want to make that decision as my mum is terrified of care homes, she has always been very independent and hates asking for help, they said it was their decision and it was out of my hands. I took this as it was all going to happen and they were going to encourage her it was the best plan of action. So, I spoke with my mum, told her I will be there every step of the way, view potential homes with her and select one she liked, she was not completely happy about it but was willing to have a look. At this time I still had some savings and moving out would have been possible without help.

The first social worker then had to move back to wales and we were appointed another, in the first instance the new SW came around she completely ignored me and asked to speak with my mum only, after this she left. After not hearing from them for some time I phoned the SW about how things were coming along and she said "after speaking with your mum, she said she doesn't want to go into a care home, we can't force her into a home if she doesn't want to go", I was confused and a little offended in the way she spoke to me but understood that my mum's view on going into care changes daily.

I asked for another meeting to be setup to discus the future and she said she would sort it out along with extra days at the day centre as my mum loves going there. This was back in September and I didn't hear from her up until I called in December, well the first time I called she was not available but, didn't return my call so called again and had to be aggressive and she called back finally. After asking about the meeting, day centre she completely denied even speaking with me, saying it must have been someone else which really upset me, I kept my cool and just asked her to setup a meeting a.s.a.p

The meeting was suppose to take place last Friday but, my dog of 12 years suddenly past away Thursday and I was in no state to do anything, I'm now waiting for them to get back to me for another date.

DaveKBmth

Forgot to mention that when I called in December I also raised my concerns about my mum's wandering again to which she replied "she needs a carer 24/7", I said "but there is no room for someone else to stay", she simply said "it's your mum's tendency isn't it?". The person I spoke with to cancel the meeting was a lot more human and said the same thing "it's not fair on you guys to talk about this over the phone as you have to move out after getting the 24/7 care, we will chat about it at the meeting".

Rambosmum

I work in this field. I do not know of a single Local Authority (and admittedly I do not know them all) that will provide 24 hour support in someone's own home. I suspect the Social Worker didn't explain things very well to you and may actually be suggesting 24 hour residential care (as in a care home).

If I were your mums Social Worker,based on the tiny snippet of infor you've given, I would be looking at more day centre attendance, carers each day to help with washing and dressing (and up to 4 times a day if no one would be home to do things like cook her lunch or dinner and help her change for bed). I'd suggest respite for your mum in a care home, which would give you a break and I'd also give you a carers assessment with a view to giving you a carers personal budget (small one off payment for you to a have a break with - to buy hobby equipment, put towards a holiday etc).

I'd also be looking at telecare equipment - door sensors which would alert you if she left the house, a GPS tracker so you know where she is.

[Deleted User]

You sound a bit vulnerable to me yourself. I am sure you will pick up again if your mum does go into care, but obviously you need help now. I know it is very hard unless you fall into certain 'recognised' groups to get any help and support.

However, Bournemouth does have this link https://www.bournemouth.gov.uk/AdultSocialCare/Carers/Carers.aspx and you have a right to an assessment as a carer https://www.bournemouth.gov.uk/AdultSocialCare/Carers/AssessingYourNeedsasaCarer/AssessingYourNeeds.aspx

I am hoping they might be able to help. I know its just social services again, but just quote the website back to them 'We recognise the importance of what carers do and understand they may need support themselves. We try to make sure carers receive the help they need'

I know its hard, I know you want to do nothing as you are exhausted and depressed (been there) but please try to contact them and follow any suggestions they make. Don't say no to things because you don't want help etc. You need to consider anything and everything that will help.., temporarily.