becoming homeless, advice please

DaveKBmth

Hi, my wife, my 18 year old daughter and myself moved in with my mum nearly 2 years ago due to her having dementia. I thought it would be better for me to move in as I was being called on a daily basis by my mum, social workers, doctors to assist her with her needs, she has done so much for us over the years and thought I could repay by keeping her safe and giving her some company. I was also very worried about her safety living by herself as she does like to take her dog on very long walks. I thought it would be a win win situation due to us having debts we could pay off as our cost of living would go down, she has a council house. We were warned off by the social workers saying it would be very difficult to live with someone who has dementia, I knew it wouldn't be easy but, had no idea it would be as hard as it's been. Seeing my mum fade away over the past years has been overwhelmingly difficult!

Things have got really bad now, she doesn't do much at all now, doesn't look after herself we have a carer come in once a week to wash her but that's all the help / support we get from elsewhere, we have had no holiday / break / rest bite in these 2 years. The only thing she is keen to do is walk the dog, thing is she can get lost and I have had to go out and search for her many times, she leaves the door unlocked when she does so, there always has to be someone home. The social workers say that I can't do anything to stop her as she is not under any kind of restriction, just to phone the police if shes gone for more than 2 hours.

When I moved in with my mum I had a steady job working for a removal company on a zero hour contract, thing is due to the fact that someone needs to keep an eye on my mum at all times I had to refuse hours when they were offered and I have now lost my job. My wife works part-time as a school lunch-time supervisor and chaperones disabled kids to school. My daughter works full-time in childcare. I couldn't expect them to give up their jobs as she is my mum and it was my idea to move in. My wife is pretty much supporting me, I did finally go for carers allowance but found out my mum's DLA was setup for mobility not personal care. I have now adjusted this.

After explaining my concerns about my mum needing extra care the social workers suggested my mum have a live-in carer but since it's a 3 bed property and we are filling it right now we need to find somewhere else to live. My mum really doesn't want us to move but she is going past my ability to care for her and without any help or break it's getting extremely overwhelming. We are all seeing the doctor for depression, anxiety, stress.

Thing is we have spent all the money we had in savings and without any income I'm pretty screwed if I want to go back into the private sector, I'm not claiming any benefits so a budgeting loan is not doable, I just don't know how to raise the 2 grand it seems I'm going to need for rent in advance, deposit, admin fees we live in Bournemouth btw, not cheap to live here. We are on the council list silver band but it looks like it's going to be a 10 year wait. We have seen Shelter and I have to say they didn't seem that bothered and gave me some info on how to look for private housing, I know how to find accommodation just not how to pay the initial costs.

I guess my only option is to wait until I have something in writing from the social services about us having to move out, take this to the council and apply for homelessness, thing is they will only look into a case if we are in threat of homelessness within 28 days and they could take 33 days to reply with a decision.

So, my question is if we become homeless what could the council offer us as emergency housing as it's 3 of us, we have nowhere else to go and no savings to pay for an alternative.

Any advice, suggestions would be well received. Thanks

Caz3121

many councils hold lists of private landlords that accept those on benefits and they may also have a rent deposit scheme
Different councils may also deal with emergency housing differently, they may have temp properties or use B&B accommodation

elsien

I know it's not what you asked, but have you and your mum both had proper Care Act assessments? You are entitled to an assessment of your needs as a carer to see what support you can be offered as well. If you've not had one, then insist one is done. If you have had one, then get a copy to see what it says. And if her needs have changed ask for a review.

Are you sure you have understood the social workers correctly though? Going from help once a week to full time care seems unlikely. And usually when people get to the stage of needing that much help the local authority would look at residential care as it's far cheaper.

I would suggest getting some help to deal with social services - is there a local carers organisation, or you could try the age uk helpline.
If mum is putting herself at risk by wandering, I'm having difficulty picturing any local authority forking out for 24 hour waking staff. Unless they think mum has the resources to pay for it herself?

PasturesNew

In that area a chap called Dave Wells has more houses than the Council have.
https://dwphousing.co.uk/

Although most of his seem to be studio/bedsits and 1-2 beds.

Pixie5740

DaveKBmth wrote: »

Hi, my wife, my 18 year old daughter and myself moved in with my mum nearly 2 years ago due to her having dementia. I thought it would be better for me to move in as I was being called on a daily basis by my mum, social workers, doctors to assist her with her needs, she has done so much for us over the years and thought I could repay by keeping her safe and giving her some company. I was also very worried about her safety living by herself as she does like to take her dog on very long walks. I thought it would be a win win situation due to us having debts we could pay off as our cost of living would go down, she has a council house. We were warned off by the social workers saying it would be very difficult to live with someone who has dementia, I knew it wouldn't be easy but, had no idea it would be as hard as it's been. Seeing my mum fade away over the past years has been overwhelmingly difficult!

Things have got really bad now, she doesn't do much at all now, doesn't look after herself we have a carer come in once a week to wash her but that's all the help / support we get from elsewhere, we have had no holiday / break / rest bite in these 2 years. The only thing she is keen to do is walk the dog, thing is she can get lost and I have had to go out and search for her many times, she leaves the door unlocked when she does so, there always has to be someone home. The social workers say that I can't do anything to stop her as she is not under any kind of restriction, just to phone the police if shes gone for more than 2 hours.

When I moved in with my mum I had a steady job working for a removal company on a zero hour contract, thing is due to the fact that someone needs to keep an eye on my mum at all times I had to refuse hours when they were offered and I have now lost my job. My wife works part-time as a school lunch-time supervisor and chaperones disabled kids to school. My daughter works full-time in childcare. I couldn't expect them to give up their jobs as she is my mum and it was my idea to move in. My wife is pretty much supporting me, I did finally go for carers allowance but found out my mum's DLA was setup for mobility not personal care. I have now adjusted this.

After explaining my concerns about my mum needing extra care the social workers suggested my mum have a live-in carer but since it's a 3 bed property and we are filling it right now we need to find somewhere else to live. My mum really doesn't want us to move but she is going past my ability to care for her and without any help or break it's getting extremely overwhelming. We are all seeing the doctor for depression, anxiety, stress.

Thing is we have spent all the money we had in savings and without any income I'm pretty screwed if I want to go back into the private sector, I'm not claiming any benefits so a budgeting loan is not doable, I just don't know how to raise the 2 grand it seems I'm going to need for rent in advance, deposit, admin fees we live in Bournemouth btw, not cheap to live here. We are on the council list silver band but it looks like it's going to be a 10 year wait. We have seen Shelter and I have to say they didn't seem that bothered and gave me some info on how to look for private housing, I know how to find accommodation just not how to pay the initial costs.

I guess my only option is to wait until I have something in writing from the social services about us having to move out, take this to the council and apply for homelessness, thing is they will only look into a case if we are in threat of homelessness within 28 days and they could take 33 days to reply with a decision.

So, my question is if we become homeless what could the council offer us as emergency housing as it's 3 of us, we have nowhere else to go and no savings to pay for an alternative.

Any advice, suggestions would be well received. Thanks

As your daughter is an adult and working full time, does she have to move in with you and your wife or could she find her own accommodation elsewhere? If she were to move out then that would free up a bedroom in the property. Alternatively could you turn the living room into a bedroom until such time as you can afford to move out? The extra time would give you a chance to find work and your wife to increase her hours.

The council has a duty to house you (most likely in temporary accommodation) if you present yourselves as unintentionally homeless. However, as your daughter is an adult the council won't have to house you together.

Some other suggestions:

Is your mum able to give you any help towards the costs of moving?

Some councils can help towards the cost of the deposit in the form of a grant or a loan. Bournemouth council appear to offer a loan scheme.

Find out what benefits you are/will be entitled to: https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Is there any chance that your wife could try to find full time work?

elsien

Why would the council have a duty to house three working age adults with no vulnerabilities? Sorry, but I think that advice is incorrect.
Is it possible to get yourselves added on to the tenancy? Won't help with the situation now, but might help you to stay if mum does move into a home.

JoJo1978

Please also contact Citizens Advice Bureau and DementiaUk if you haven't already.

Pixie5740

elsien wrote: »

Why would the council have a duty to house three working age adults with no vulnerabilities? Sorry, but I think that advice is incorrect.

It's no different to tenants who are evicted through the courts using the Section 21 route.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/23358/ShelterGuide_HomelessReadThis.pdf

Edit: Depending on the severity of the OP's mental health conditions he could even be classed as having priority needs.

elsien

It may also be possible to request a Care Act advocate for the assessments if you are struggling to help mum be meaningfully involved, and given that there is also a potential conflict of interests if some decisions may leave you homeless.

But don't take social services at face value without checking and double checking. They should offer proper support to you both based on assessed needs, not just chuck out vague suggestions about live in carers. Have they actually said they will fund this?

Has mum put any powers of attorney in place, or is she now too unwell to do this?

elsien

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/getting-care-and-support/care-act-faq

freeisgood

Could you move your mums bed into the sitting room (or you and your wife sleep in the sitting room, to free a bedroom up for a carer?

We did just that so to free up a bedroom for the carer.