Birthday party donation

TBagpuss

It does seem odd. I think that there are situations where people do pay their own way (like the birthday party Spendless mentioned) but the key is that you make the terms clear at the time you issue the invitation, so people can decide if they want to accept those terms.

Changing the terms after you've accepted an invitation is... much sketchier.

DO you have any idea what is behind this?

Pollycat

I think it's wrong to invite you to a party then ask you to contribute to the party.
In fact, I'd find it rude and presumptuous.

50th birthday?
Why is that considered special?

I wouldn't be going.

Jackmydad

What do you think of the idea that we all put in a few quid and have a party for old so and so? = Fair.

Would you like to come to a party? Yes? You'll have to contribute money then.
= Unfair.

Kim_13

I won't go into whether I think it's right or not, as others have already done this and covered what I was going to say about circumstances.

If you feel you need to attend and would feel awkward not contributing, making something personal as a gift could be a way to keep your costs down and free up money for the donation so that you don't spend any/too much more than you were going to spend anyway.

Spendless

TBagpuss wrote: »

It does seem odd. I think that there are situations where people do pay their own way (like the birthday party Spendless mentioned) but the key is that you make the terms clear at the time you issue the invitation, so people can decide if they want to accept those terms.

Changing the terms after you've accepted an invitation is... much sketchier.

DO you have any idea what is behind this?

Yes, this is true. In the case I mentioned, we were asked if we wanted to attend and how much the price would be.

sillyvixen

Asking for financial contributions to a party, is just plain odd, I would not go (I would be busy that day) however if contributions were asked for towards a special big family pressie or a few dishes for the buffet, I would be happy to do my bit.

I remember a frail aunt who had spent all of her married life in the USA, she used to visit home every 3 years for a couple of weeks to see the family. She was brought for one last time by her son and daughter, we wanted to do something special for her. We comisioned a painting of the cottage she grew up in, and we all chipped in. Her brother was a trustee of the local British legion club and we got the function room for free and everyone brought something for the 'spread'.

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

I think it's wrong to invite you to a party then ask you to contribute to the party.
In fact, I'd find it rude and presumptuous.

50th birthday?
Why is that considered special?

I wouldn't be going.

As others have said more information is needed.

For example, who is actually asking. Is it the “birthday person” or is it the organiser who maybe hasn’t told the person whose birthday it is. In that case, and the person is described as a close family member, I’d be going for their sakes.

On the face of it it is an odd way of doing things. I wouldn’t be impressed but it would be useful to know. Who asked for the contribution? What is it for? Was a reason given?. Is there an amount suggested?

Our group see the 50th birthday as (another) reason for a get together and some fun. As ever , I’d be thinking about the person whose birthday it is. We’d likely go and lob in some money. But I’d be having a word with the organiser about how they did things!

Pollycat

NeilCr wrote: »

As others have said more information is needed.

For example, who is actually asking. Is it the “birthday person” or is it the organiser who maybe hasn’t told the person whose birthday it is. In that case, and the person is described as a close family member, I’d be going for their sakes.

On the face of it it is an odd way of doing things. I wouldn’t be impressed but it would be useful to know. Who asked for the contribution? What is it for? Was a reason given?. Is there an amount suggested?

Our group see the 50th birthday as (another) reason for a get together and some fun. As ever , I’d be thinking about the person whose birthday it is. We’d likely go and lob in some money. But I’d be having a word with the organiser about how they did things!

Yes, I think we've had a previous discussion about differences of opinion on parties, weddings etc. :cool:

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes, I think we've had a previous discussion about differences of opinion on parties, weddings etc. :cool:

Indeed. :p

But, I am still surprised just how quickly some posters make such definite decisions. In this case, it’s quite likely that the close family member, whose birthday it is, may be blissfully unaware of the financial part. It’s not their fault but looks like no-one would go. Wow. Happy birthday close family member

The caveat is, of course, if they did know. Different - but we’d still be there for a close family member.

Pollycat

NeilCr wrote: »

Indeed. :p

But, I am still surprised just how quickly some posters make such definite decisions. In this case, it’s quite likely that the close family member, whose birthday it is, may be blissfully unaware of the financial part. It’s not their fault but looks like no-one would go. Wow. Happy birthday close family member

The caveat is, of course, if they did know. Different - but we’d still be there for a close family member.

It's possibly because we are not a close family (apart from my sibling and her children).
A cousin or Aunt/Uncle may be classed as a 'close family member' but in our family, that relationship is not close.
I saw a first cousin at a funeral last year that I'd not seen for 40 years. We live maybe 10 miles apart.

We (OH and I) also dislike parties and get-togethers.
We're travelling almost half way around the world to spend my next 'significant' birthday (much more significant than 50 years of age) on our own.

In this instance, it may not be the person whose birthday it is at fault, but the end result is the same - imho.
I still think it is wrong and presumptuous to do things in the order that the OP outlines.
My reply would have been different if the subject of a voluntary donation had been mentioned up-front.
In fact, had the subject of a voluntary donation had been mentioned up-front, there probably wouldn't even have been a thread at all.