Birthday party donation

PrettyKittyKat

I find that strange too. I was once invited to a surprise birthday party my a friends husband. A few weeks later he asked if everyone could bring some money on the night to contribute towards a specific singer he had booked for the party as this would make it perfect and the friend whose surprise party it was would love it! I was disgusted with this, as I thought it was super cheeky and was using emotional blackmail about how perfect it would make it! Luckily I couldn't go.

If you can't afford the party... don't have it!

PrettyKittyKat

I should also add there was no suggestion that this was instead of a gift.

mgdavid

Outrageously rude; I wouldn't go, on principle.
Where on earth do people get these ideas from?

Jackmydad

I'd give that party the voluntary miss thanks.

need_an_answer

voluntary contribution, would that be anonymous or is there a secret spreadsheet recording what you gave. (perhaps I'm thinking too much into the wedding gift thread last week)!

could you volunteer your services to help set the party up or clear away afterwards

Do you also need to give a gift

too many questions that for me would need an clearer answer I think just send them a card to wish them all the best on their special day.
You mention it being a close family member and slightly awkward if you refuse so I understand the need to be there etc.


If you were to buy a present how much would you have spent.
Either give that or half of that and a smaller present.

I think I would end up just as baffled in your situation.

maman

I've been to birthday meals where a group of us has chosen to pay for ourselves and split the cost of the birthday girl/boy's meal as a treat but that's about the closest I've come.


Could it be you're being asked to make a contribution to pay for the person who's 50 or maybe a big joint present rather than lots of small stuff (a bit like giving money as a wedding gift)?


Perhaps you could give a bit more information. Who's invited you? Is it the person themselves or their family? Is it at a venue or at their home? If it's a close family member, how come they've not explained the situation to you?


Ironically, I'm just arranging my own birthday meal for a couple of months time. We've booked a restaurant, sent out invitations, requested definitely no presents and we'll be picking up the tab!

Jackmydad

need_an_answer wrote: »

voluntary contribution, would that be anonymous or is there a secret spreadsheet recording what you gave. (perhaps I'm thinking too much into the wedding gift thread last week)!
could you volunteer your services to help set the party up or clear away afterwards
Do you also need to give a gift
too many questions that for me would need an clearer answer I think just send them a card to wish them all the best on their special day.
You mention it being a close family member and slightly awkward if you refuse so I understand the need to be there etc.
If you were to buy a present how much would you have spent.
Either give that or half of that and a smaller present.
I think I would end up just as baffled in your situation.

I understand what you're saying, but the problem I have with these sort of things is that the people issuing the "orders" rarely take the person being ordered into account.
Having (for want of a better phrase) "danced attendance" to various family members at one time or another to save upsetting them, I realised that they didn't actually give much of a damn about me or my feelings. At least partly my fault for treating them as family, and not following my usual "Say no if you don't want to do it!" rule.
So while I wouldn't do anything to deliberately cause friction, I'd say that I'd give it a miss thanks.

pinkshoes

We have lots of family parties.

No one asks for money, but anyone attending asks what they can bring so the person hosting doesn't end up footing the entire bill.

Just ask what you can do to help or what you could bring.

Spendless

Why is the person asking for a contribution is what I'd want to know.

I've come across this once. It was someone I worked with and it was her 18th or 21st. She wanted to celebrate but couldn't afford to fund everyone, she asked people if they wanted to come on a riverboat night out with pie & peas. If they did they paid so much for their cost.

The reason for this was she was estranged from her JW parents because she was dating someone also from work who wasn't a JW and had had to move out to a bedsit on a not great wage.

In those circumstances I was happy to attend and pay my share.

sarah69696pink

Never experienced this.
I do think this is pretty cheeky.
I'm currently organising a surprise party for someone's big birthday, and yes its expensive, but would never dream of asking people for a contribution. I saved for this so that I could book everything I thought was needed to make it special for the person involved.
Having everyone's presence (not presents!) is all I want for the birthday boy.
To me it's not a party if you are asking for a donation - a meal out where you all chip in I get, but this is not a party.
The only time I can see this would be acceptable is if the people hosting were quite young and perhaps not in a position to pay but you and other family members encouraged the party being organised?! Of that's not the case I'd be tempted to not donate. I understand it may feel awkward, but that's on them not you - I'd say you are getting a special gift (if you are) and will be spending money on that not the party itself...