Greedy Sister!!

Savvy_Sue

PerfectPony wrote: »

Am I wrong in thinking if things had stayed as they were I could enjoy the time I have left with my son and done some of the things with him I never had the chance to do with my Mum?

Shoot me if that makes me a bad person xx

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. But how does expending thought / energy / time on 'if things had stayed as they were' help the situation?

Yorkshireman99

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. But how does expending thought / energy / time on 'if things had stayed as they were' help the situation?

What you fail to understand I’d that greiving people behave in an irrational and confused way. It is part of the greiving process. Dealing with the death of a close relative is seldom easy and sadly some do react in a very greedy manner. That just makes it worse for others. So give the OP some slack before being too critical.

Sea_Shell

Please don't be so harsh on the OP.

- She's lost her mum.
- She's found out that something she always thought her Mum wanted, now isn't. It's a huge shock.
- Yes, she's annoyed....I think I would be too.

However...
Can she DO anything about it....Probably not
SHOULD she do anything about it.....Probably not
Should she "let it go" and get on with life....Yes, that might be best.

OP, I hope you can find it in your heart/head to just let this go, as much as you may want to go at the situation all guns blazing. I can understand how coming on here for a bit of a rant can be an outlet...when you can't say much to anyone close about the situation (in case they react in the way some have on here).

*Robin*

So sorry for your loss, PerfectPony. It is especially hard for a woman to lose her mother, a man his father - suddenly there is no elder generation between oneself and the stars. It is a great responsibility.

You have had understanding, empathy and some very good advice in the replies to your thread, PP.

Can you see your mother's dilemma from her PoV yet?
One child who is capable, well-set-up and enjoying a successful life - maybe the Golden Child as her sister claims, or maybe it's just that Mum was truly proud of everything PP has achieved and the road her life is on.
The other child struggles, has made questionable decisions which mean her future is very uncertain. Perhaps there is some guilt over this less successful daughter - should Mum have done something different to help guide her, many years ago?

Mum loves both, and there is also one grand-child to consider. Her solution has provided a home for the second daughter who is unlikely to live beyond twenty years hence. At that time the grandson will probably be looking for capital to buy his own home - for now PP is providing everything he needs. PP can look after both his and her own interest in Mum's house as she does now own a 50% share - maybe Mum hoped that will bring PP and her sister closer - or at least ensure the sister has someone checking up on her now and again (home maintenance and so on).

We have a similar dilemma in our family. One sibling doing very well, the other with severe mental health issues. The lesson I take from your thread, PerfectPony, is that future arrangements need to be discussed with the capable sibling before their parent changes his will (we are looking at a Trust for the unwell sibling).

PerfectPony

Robin

Thank you for you kind advice. I am not a silly girl and I understand Mum was in a very difficult situation. The anger mainly stems from not having anything of my Mum's as a 'keepsake' and also the way she engineered the whole situation to gain from her dying mother..

Sometimes you just need to bit of a 'kick up the butt' to face reality and carry on.

However, I also believe in KARMA and 'what goes around comes around'

Margot123

PerfectPony wrote: »

Robin

Thank you for you kind advice. I am not a silly girl and I understand Mum was in a very difficult situation. The anger mainly stems from not having anything of my Mum's as a 'keepsake' and also the way she engineered the whole situation to gain from her dying mother..

Sometimes you just need to bit of a 'kick up the butt' to face reality and carry on.

However, I also believe in KARMA and 'what goes around comes around'

Chin up, it does get better, believe me.
I'm sure your posts have already helped other people in similar situations, even though you might never know it.

newjersey

PerfectPony, I don't think you are a bad person and I understand this all came as a great shock to you but you seemed to be in danger of not being able to see the wood for the trees. Nothing is worth destroying your health over, even principles, infact they say, never sue on principles ! You need to grieve your mother and not have her memory associated with mental torment, it is hard enough losing someone in peace. You have a lot of good going for you and will get something in the future.
I have read some terrible things regarding will disputes and you read about people who had disowned their parents, who had gone off never to visit, call or ever speak to them, in real life I once came across a person who had abandoned both parents when they got sick and had contested both wills saying they didn't have capacity when all along they hadn't even seen their parents for many years, not even a Christmas or birthday card but we're quick to make contact when they died.
That is obviously not the case here, you had a good relationship with your mother and I am sure she was and is very proud of you, she is still with you don't ever forget that.

PerfectPony

Thank you for your kind words, but please understand money is not the motive.

I miss my Mum every day and would not be angry if I didn't think her last weeks were plagued with arguments and ultimatums?

I sat with my disfigured, confused Mum (along with the carer) while my sister sat outside smoking. She was a beautiful, graceful lady and all her wishes for a dignified death didn't happen... I would rather have her to speak to than any amount of money.

Let me just hope for KARMA, but if my sister has a few months of feeling persecuted and afraid??