Can working together and relationship work.

Izadora

frannyj543 wrote: »

For those that ask about the job I can't employ anyone. It's a small 2 person business. Which pays for us. If one of is wasn't there effectively we would have to pay someone a wage. The business basically relies on us both being there 80% of the opening times.

But if one of you got a job outside the business then you could use those wages to employ someone and it would give you some space from each other.

Earlier in the thread you said that it's stupid to look at it as a situation where you can just flip a coin and make a decision but I actually think it's a perfect solution.
You've got so many variables on each side that you're never going to be able to unmuddle things and I fear that you'll keep going round in circles and plodding along as you are because you can't come to a conclusion. There are going to be regrets whichever decision you make but, as the coin's in the air, you'll most likely have an instinctive wish for how it's going to land and there's your answer.

SuperPikachu

Just buy a pet dog.

Primrose

frannyj543 wrote: »

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I just feel like the decision I make now is crucial. We wont work in UK as she will feel like I do here. I also have no family to help if we have kids which is her concern whereas here she has family.

As I say I feel trapped. I am happy with my partner but I am not happy with some of our conditions. I know this sounds like I want my cake and eat it but I have the girlfriend and the business and an easy life here however I have limited social life, work stresses are playing apart on our relationship slowly and in general I have no identity. Similar to previous post I'm also the English one who doesn't speak much of the language. It's hard.

It seems like it's going to be a toss up of

Stability, profitable business, decent quality of life in general, loyalty

Vrs

Social life, identity, working for someone else (which i dont mind), but no partner.

I guess that's the way life works sometimes. Is it really too much to want everything. Millions of people have partner, decent income, decent social life, etc. Yes they can still have problems but the majority of their things are in place.

You ask "Is it really too much to want everything?"


I suspect that the "everything" you want in your case is perhaps a little different to the "everything" that other people want, given that in your case your "everything" involves having to adapt to life in another country where, even if you manage to overcome the language difficulties, it will never be your native home.


I think it would help if you were able to speak to other immigrants who have had to adapt as you have and see whether this is stlll causing issues for them 10, 15, 20 years down the line.


I wonder if you really deeply thought through the cons when you made this decision to move abroad. it's a very deep seated decision everybody who gets involved with a foreign national needs to ponder deeply about, either for themselves, or for a potential partner, as in these relationships one of the pair often ends up having to make decisions which can leave them unhappy in some respects for most of their lives.


Probably the answer for you is that whatever you do, part of your life will end up being unhappy because you have too many conflicts in this situation. What I do think you need to do is give yourself a timeline and deadline by which you will have grasped this nettle because I suspect a year down the line you will still be torturing yourself with the same questions and getting the same conflicting answers.


In a situation like that, settling for the status quo hasn't solved the problem; it is merely delaying the solution of it.

Primrose

And do bear in mind that time could,possibly be ticking for your partner if having children is a longer term objective as will be the location in which you finally have to put down roots and settle because once children reach the age of five the issue of selecting schools and opting for stability will play a much bigger part in your decision making.

I’ve known many people who have chosen, or who feel they have been forced to adopt a particular lifestyle options around the choice of schooling availing for their children. Possibly this is not so important at early primary school age but ten years down the line is not the time for deciding that wrong country or wrong lifestyle decisions were made.

System

Before coming here I was working in a boring office job. Hitting my mid to late 20s and was rather uninspired and unmotivated.

I have always been a keen traveller so to be honest it was a calculated move. We didn't think so far about kids etc but thought let's try. I'm very much a believer of better to do something and regret it than not try it. Especially in this instance.

However like every idealistic dream you never know the fitfalls before you come. Like many of us go on holiday somewhere for a few weeks and think I could live here. But living there actually ismt all its it's cracked up to be.

It is something that come summer we will have to think about. Because for me as I said I do not really like where I live. However I do feel it would be a much better place to bring up kids than my own city in the UK.

I am torn over so many issues. That's the cons with a mixed nationality relationship. I agree that I wouldn't want to continue for more years if it seemed to be going the wrong way. However it would also be foolish to walk away from someone like my other half.

Again i thank you for your constructive comments. Had I been 25 I wouldn't even be here because we would both be still very young and family wouldn't be thought about yet but 5 years older makes me think twice.