Can working together and relationship work.

Savvy_Sue

Also, would it be worth NOT speaking English at home, at least on some days?

-taff

frannyj543 wrote: »

Taff if it was just one thing that would be easy to address. Life crosses over so someone's work may impact or dictate where they live. Which then leads to what social things they do. So yes I could easily book a flight back to the UK. Get a job, find an area I like, have no partner and speak my own language. But Maybe I'm less happy. Maybe you've experience someone in my shoes who has walked away from you or the opposite made you move around and it didn't work out. Who knows everyone here has their own story to tell.

So far, bar the very first OH, I have left. I have moved around the country, and have lived for quite while where I am now.
In hindsight, the only thing I regret is not taking up a trainee blacksmith role. I regret not at all leaving any of the partners.

But I do know that when you start questioning a relationship to the extent that you are, it's usually over and there's no going back try as you like.

I might be wrong, you might find yourself actualy telling your OH your concerns and seeing what happens with that.

Have you done that yet?

Gloomendoom

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Also, would it be worth NOT speaking English at home, at least on some days?

My wife I did this when we were learning French. It does help.

I would imagine that it would be even more effective in one party was fluent.

Izadora

Is there any way you could employ someone else in your business so that one of you could get a different job?

I met my husband at work and even though we were in an office of about 50 people and worked in different departments we did find how much time we spent together a bit too much sometimes so I can't imagine what it must be like when it's just the two of you all day.
He changed jobs when we'd been together a couple of years and it massively improved our relationship. Rather than getting home knowing how each other's day went we ended up excited to see each other and it made us appreciate each other more.

As others have said, trying to find an interest separate from your partner would be a good idea too. I know that some couples are fine with doing absolutely everything together but I feel that being individuals as well is important.

trailingspouse

It's hard to move to an area that is very different from what you are used to.

I moved from a city in the north of England to an island off the coast of Scotland. Now, there were things that I loved about the move - the wide open spaces, the tranquility, going for long walks, birdwatching, being able to see the sea from my living room. But there were things that I hated - I was always going to be an incomer (people actually referred to me as 'yon English wife'!), the shopping was atrocious, pubs were for drinking and getting drunk in, and theatre etc was non-existent.

I made the decision that the part of me that enjoyed long walks and tranquility was going to have a ball, but the part of me that enjoyed shopping and theatre would have to just take a back seat for a while. I knew that it wasn't a permanent move, and that helped enormously - I don't think I would have coped so well if it had been forever.

System

Thanks for the response and different opinions and past experience. I dont know how to reply individually and paste previous comments on my phone.

I'm very much a city person. I have spent time abroad in big cities albiet English speaking. I lived previous to here in a big city circa 500k before coming here. Population here is about 7k. Huge difference.

I did know that before but I am game to try anything once. My problem unlike last comment is that this feels like it has to be forever. Especially relationship wise. I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for other half. This is her home town.

I also feel that after us living in the UK also I seen her how I am now. And she spoke the language perfect. It is a credit to her however she had been in the country 5 years before I met her and she been able to talk perfect English after 3 years living there. She had also learned English at school. I would expect in another year to year and a half I would be comfortable enough.

I just feel like the decision I make now is crucial. We wont work in UK as she will feel like I do here. I also have no family to help if we have kids which is her concern whereas here she has family.

As I say I feel trapped. I am happy with my partner but I am not happy with some of our conditions. I know this sounds like I want my cake and eat it but I have the girlfriend and the business and an easy life here however I have limited social life, work stresses are playing apart on our relationship slowly and in general I have no identity. Similar to previous post I'm also the English one who doesn't speak much of the language. It's hard.

It seems like it's going to be a toss up of

Stability, profitable business, decent quality of life in general, loyalty

Vrs

Social life, identity, working for someone else (which i dont mind), but no partner.

I guess that's the way life works sometimes. Is it really too much to want everything. Millions of people have partner, decent income, decent social life, etc. Yes they can still have problems but the majority of their things are in place.

System

For those that ask about the job I can't employ anyone. It's a small 2 person business. Which pays for us. If one of is wasn't there effectively we would have to pay someone a wage. The business basically relies on us both being there 80% of the opening times.

As for speaking the language at home we tried that but both get frustrated. To be honest we get up go to work. Back lunch maybe gym and then back to work. In evening generally we watch something generally on Netflix and normally different things.

Comms69

frannyj543 wrote: »

For those that ask about the job I can't employ anyone. It's a small 2 person business. Which pays for us. If one of is wasn't there effectively we would have to pay someone a wage. The business basically relies on us both being there 80% of the opening times.

As for speaking the language at home we tried that but both get frustrated. To be honest we get up go to work. Back lunch maybe gym and then back to work. In evening generally we watch something generally on Netflix and normally different things.

Not being funny, but what happens when you want a holiday? Do you close the business down? You need to look at expanding it, so it works for you, not the other way around.


Put it another way, if you fall ill, you will lose everything.

System

Holidays are kept to bank holidays. If one of us are ill the other can cope solo for a few days maybe a week.

If something really bad happened we would have to close until it was resolved. The good thing here is we virtually have no outgoings. Small rent for the office and no rent for house. It's owned by family we just cover bills. Worst came to the worst we could comfortably live without work probably couple of years. That wouldn't be ideal though.

System

We are also off all summer July and August as demand isnt as high and we take that off as we make enough the other 10 months of year