Can working together and relationship work.

BrassicWoman

frannyj543 wrote: »

We spend so much time there no passion or anything anymore. No passionate kissing, no looking forward to seeing each other. We are together 4 years and it feels 24. And we are young like under 30. Should it be like this?

You keep asking the same question is if somehow one of us will come up with a miracle answer.

3 steps.
1. Talk
2. Decide
3. Implement

It's that simple. If you don't do 1 you can't do 2. If you have already done 1., then you seem to be avoiding 2., and none of us can do that for you.

System

I know they wont but obviously the whole point of a forum is for someone to listen and people to give opinions. Usually based on previous experience or how things have worked out in their lives. Everyone is different but we can learn a lot from other people's mistakes.

If you dont have much input other than to state the obvious why even comment. It's easy to demonstrate your 3 step approach when you have no connection to the situation.

Primrose

You sound as if you have now become good work colleagues rather than two people who love each other and who enjoy being in each other’s company.

Having been married for over 40 years, I still get a feeling of pleasure every time I see my other half walk in through the front door and we still laugh together and enjoy each other’s company.

Of course relationships change subtly over the years but that doesn,t mean the magic and the pleasure of being together disappears.

I suspect this relationship has run its course and you're trying to convince yourself otherwise because at the moment you can see no other immediate options for yourself. However that doesn,t mean accepting the default option is the right one for you.

You have posted on this issue sufficient times now for me to feel that you know in your heart that it’s not working for you any more as it should be but are looking for others to try and convince you.

IntuitIve decisions don’t work like that. Once the niggling voice of uncertainty starts working itself to the surface I suspect that deep down your decision has already been half made.

Think about some of the previous big decisions you made in your life. Were they instinctively based on the feeling that they were right for you? Bear in mind that some decisions are easily reversed and rectified if they are wrong. Choosing a life partner does not come into that category.

If you are having doubts now is the time to address them. Yes, the language problem may improve over time. Your partners closeness to family to the exclusion of other interests almost certainly won’t and over time may just isolate you further from extending your social horizons as a couple. If this frustrates you now, how will it affect you 10 or 20 years down the line.

System

Thanks Primrose for your advice!!!

Primrose

Advice based on a bitter personal experience in my more youthful days!!.

I can only advise that when niggling doubts start working their way to the surface it’s generally because your intuition and personal self awareness is trying to tell you something.

Look on it as wild animal would do who has learned through previous experiences that it is dangerous to be in certain situations. They may not necessarily know exactly what the danger is but all their instincts start to gear them to High Alert so in the light of their previous experience they start to tread more warily and less trustingly.

I suspect you are at that point . It,s just a case of whether you walk knowingly into the trap, hoping it will treat you kindly and not snap your legs off once you’re in it and allow you to live some kind of impaired life or whether you recognise the risk and give the trap a wide berth.

Some traps allow the “victim” to live an impaired life, but in captivity. Do you have the sort of personality who could live permanently with this option?

DCFC79

Im interested in what country your in ?
Its just me being inquisitive.

What is it you want to do OP ?

How does your partner feel about this ? Maybe they feel the same but haven't said anything.

Primrose

Well, I guess the partner may be having similar doubts but when your future income stream depends on a personal relationship working or not, its hard to start rocking the boat and easier to hope that things will sort themselves out.

System

Its I'm Europe but I dont want to say more as I dont want this to identify me completely.

My other half knows my issues. However thinks we are better here. They have family, friends and culture and knowing everyone and everything. I have a decent business and them.

My life is good. Better than when i was single? 200%. But how much or how longer we can go on i dont know.

BrassicWoman

frannyj543 wrote: »

I know they wont but obviously the whole point of a forum is for someone to listen and people to give opinions. Usually based on previous experience or how things have worked out in their lives. Everyone is different but we can learn a lot from other people's mistakes.

If you dont have much input other than to state the obvious why even comment. It's easy to demonstrate your 3 step approach when you have no connection to the situation.

It's your sixth thread on this topic. How much more experience do you need from others? That seems obvious to me, but somehow not to you - why?

Time to act.

DCFC79

frannyj543 wrote: »

Its I'm Europe but I dont want to say more as I dont want this to identify me completely.

My other half knows my issues. However thinks we are better here. They have family, friends and culture and knowing everyone and everything. I have a decent business and them.

My life is good. Better than when i was single? 200%. But how much or how longer we can go on i dont know.

You live and work in Spain or used to.