Travelling On

greenbee

Find out what her schedule is, and then make arrangements to be out for some of the time she's around. Make clear that you're offering B&B, but that as it's 6 days, you're assuming she'll be doing her own thing most evenings (conferences usually have drinks/dinners/networking associated with them) so you're carrying on as normal... but you'd love to have a proper catch up with her one evening and will make supper that evening (hopefully she'll offer to take you out to eat once in return for your hospitality seeing as she's saving on hotel bills!)

Hopefully she'll be up and out of the house before you're about (if not, retire to bed with coffee to read), and if she shows signs of staying up late, just head off to bed saying something about a busy day...

If she's anything like me, she'll be completely wiped out by about day two - I usually find conferences involve early starts and late finishes, plus I'm concentrating the whole time.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my last, long ramblings, KC. Sympathies over the French apartment situation. If I'd had money available at the time you bought yours and had seen the details of it I might have invested in something like that myself. Sounds as if someone has a lot to answer for over that scheme so please don't feel guilty or embarrassed by how it worked out. Absolutely not your mistake. I mean, a Government scheme, we used to be able to trust them:eek:. I think we are all a lot more savvy and sceptical now but hindsight is a wonderful thing.


I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your friend's impending visit:kisses3:. I can't offer any advice at the moment as I've only just read your last post but I'll have a good think. I tend to think teapot2's advice is a good way to go:T. I have 4 children, now grown up and following their careers in other parts of the country, and the house always seemed to have friends or relatives staying. It just seemed 'normal' for years but since we've had the place to ourselves I dread anyone wanting to come and stay (apart from the children and their spouses/partners of course). That's always people we know well so I can imagine how you feel about a friend who you haven't been particularly close to coming to stay for so long. How did the visit come to be arranged, your invitation or her sort of inviting herself?

EDIT: I've just read greenbee's post and I agree with that too:T

apple_muncher

I also vote for telling her that you cannot have her to stay. It is not worth the damage to yourself to continue with her visit. It is better to be rid of the anxiety asap.



And, if you want to, come and stay with me!

Karmacat

Thank you lovely people! I haven't been able to think about anything else today ... and the solution is what teapot and apple have suggested - if I'm this ill now, another 6 weeks waiting, and then 6 days with someone coming back to the house, is going to wreck me completely



Greenbee, I know what you mean about conference attendance, but it won't be like that - and she absolutely won't be taking me out for a meal, thats not a space she's in. FS, she emailed to ask if she could stay, and I was in a good space, so I said yes, I assumed I'd stay well. And thats the lesson here - my chronic fatigue is "silent" when I take care of myself. If I do something thats *too* far out of my comfort zone, I get ill. Rapidly. Even if its something I'd actually enjoy, sadly.


I'm absolutely worn out with all this, so I'll draw a line under it. I really appreciate the thoughtful responses, though, thank you all so much :kisses3: Apple, I won't stay, ta muchly :kisses3:

badmemory

Top avoid any offence could you not discover that you have promised to cat sit? Maybe that you will be back on the last day if you feel up to that? I don't like lying but your health is worth it!

Karmacat

Hi badmemory - thank you for thinking of me! I know what you mean, but it wouldn't work for me, I'm afraid. She knows my chronic fatigue*** is real, even though (like many) she doesn't understand it. Like today, the stress of it even *thinking* about this meant that I couldn't visit my sister as I wanted to; nor could I give her a shorter journey by meeting at a town thats sort of between us both, I didn't feel up to either of those things. So she came to me, quite simply. Chronic fatigue is real, and relapses are real, and thats really what this is, I'd never let down a friend simply because I didn't fancy doing something I said I'd do. I'm going to have to back out because its triggering an old illness that deprived me of years of my life, when I was just existing, not living. I hid it for a long, long time - not going to do that any more.




***
Oops! I realise I've kind of hidden it here in referring to it in the way I have. Stress, anxiety, performance issues, they all make a return of the chronic fatigue more likely. Genuine feelings of rest are crucial, and I'm not going to be able to get it while she's here, or while I'm preparing for her visit. I can't cope with hiding that *and* pretending to be a clot about my diary :rotfl:


Thank you for trying to think it through for me!

apple_muncher

Go you, karma.

beanielou

I think you are so right to do what is best for you

themadvix

What Beanie said! You've got to put yourself first in these situations. And 6 days is a very long time under the best circumstances!

[Deleted User]

I agree with what everyone has said on the subject of your friend's impending visit, KC:T


There's plenty of time before she was supposed to arrive for you to cancel and still give her ample opportunity to make alternative arrangements. PLEASE do that soon, KC. I know to my own cost that there's nothing worse than the mental and emotional anguish of something we dread doing/happening hanging over us, especially if it goes on for any length of time:eek:. Your good health has been so hard-won, KC, largely by the monumental effort you've made to recognise the triggers and alleviate them. You should be so proud of yourself that you've come so far (as are we of you:A) and no one wants you to go back to the 'bad old days'.