Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

thorsoak

Mooloo - you must look after yourself - if you run yourself into the ground, who is going to look after you - or your family?

Take care love - you will get through this - and knowing you, you will drag your family through as well - but take it just one day at a time - please look after yourself. Stop guilt-tripping yourself.

Savvy_sewing

I am awake again!
My arms ache? I have a cough. I am on my own in the shop today. This could be interesting. I have a full on week ahead of me. So I hope that I will not deteriorate any further.
DS has contact with the kids today, then is away for the weekend at a LARP meeting. Although I don't have a clue where his outfit is.
The new shed is in pieces on the back lawn. That's not going to be built this weekend now though.
I at least have managed to get my food shopping done but I am sure I have spent much more than usual by having no Aldi at the moment.
I better drink my tea and wake up Dgd for school.
Have a good one.

thorsoak

Mooloo wrote: »

I am awake again!
My arms ache? I have a cough. I am on my own in the shop today. This could be interesting. I have a full on week ahead of me. So I hope that I will not deteriorate any further.
DS has contact with the kids today, then is away for the weekend at a LARP meeting. Although I don't have a clue where his outfit is.
The new shed is in pieces on the back lawn. That's not going to be built this weekend now though.
I at least have managed to get my food shopping done but I am sure I have spent much more than usual by having no Aldi at the moment.
I better drink my tea and wake up Dgd for school.
Have a good one.

Let's hope his role is living as a responsible parent, paying his own bills, Mooloo!:rotfl: This should be taken as a wry, lighten up the moment comment!

Toomuchdebt

Mooloo wrote: »

I am awake again!
My arms ache? I have a cough. I am on my own in the shop today. This could be interesting. I have a full on week ahead of me. So I hope that I will not deteriorate any further.
DS has contact with the kids today, then is away for the weekend at a LARP meeting. Although I don't have a clue where his outfit is.
The new shed is in pieces on the back lawn. That's not going to be built this weekend now though.
I at least have managed to get my food shopping done but I am sure I have spent much more than usual by having no Aldi at the moment.
I better drink my tea and wake up Dgd for school.
Have a good one.

Not being funny but don't you have to pay for things like that if it's a whole weekend away? And..wouldn't the time be better spent sorting out his financial mess and living situation instead of role playing? Seems to me that he really doesn't care about any of it, and him being dyslexic has nothing to do with it.
Hope you feel better soon-hot tea with honey and lemon is what my family always swears by and big doses of vitamin C.

BrassicWoman

Yes, it costs!

I can't believe he's off LARPing instead of doing some pub work or similar to sort his debt out.

Mooloo - surely enough?

Grumpelstiltskin

Mooloo I read every day but I don't comment but I feel I must.

STOP NOW.

If you carry on as you are you will end up having a heart attack or a stroke.

Then who will sort the family out?

Who will run the shop/

Who will care for DGD ?

Who will look after your mum?

You MUST stand back whilst you can.

Sorry if I am blunt but you are a catastrophe waiting to happen if you don't put yourself before some of the others.

tooldle

I have a male sibling who has similar problems to your son. Over the years our mother had enabled his behaviour in lots of ways, filling in paperwork for him, buying his clothes, paying his rent, clearing his debts and so on. He was working and earning his own wage whilst all thiis support was provided. Mum would always be his first port of call for any problem and she would immediately take on the resonsibility leaving sibling to carry on in whatever way he choose. She would pay his debts, he in turn would swan off to spain to watch Manchester United play.
In 2013 our father was diagnosed as terminally ill. Dad asked that i act as power of attourney for both him and mum, which i agreed to do. Just before his death, dad had a little talk with me and said the following. Be very very careful with mum’s money as she will allow sibling to bleed her dry. I have indeed been careful. I stopped the flow of cash from mum to sibling immediately.
Sibling moved to my home town asuuming i would act as guarantor and take over from mum in subbing him cash. I refused to be drawn in. Over the past few years sibling has manged to apply for benefits, get his very obvious sight issues investigated and diagnised, applied for esa and pip and got himself a council flat. Turning the money tap off has been the best thing to happen to him in a long while. All those years when he was unable to deal with the basics of life and deferred everything to mum. It turns out he can do these things for himself, albeit forced into action. Sibling is 51 niow and was 45when i turned the money tap off.
I share this story as mum my was every bit as culpable as my sibling.
Mooloo’s situation appears very similar. Unless she has the means to support her son forever more, she has only the one choice that i can see.
I think all Mooloo’s kids and her grandaughter, deserve the opportunity to grow into mature and responsible self supporting adults. Enabling them denies each the opportunity to grow.
I hope sharing this story helps someone.

phryne

Grumpelstiltskin wrote: »

Mooloo I read every day but I don't comment but I feel I must.

STOP NOW.

If you carry on as you are you will end up having a heart attack or a stroke.

Then who will sort the family out?

Who will run the shop/

Who will care for DGD ?

Who will look after your mum?

You MUST stand back whilst you can.

Sorry if I am blunt but you are a catastrophe waiting to happen if you don't put yourself before some of the others.

There is something going on in this situation, psychologically. Most people would have put the brakes on long before now.

Not meant as a critique, it happens with a lot of people. To quote the wonderful Alvin Hall there's the 'parasite' and the 'fixer'. It's easy to see what the parasite gets out of the situation (a free ride) but less easy to see what the fixer gets from it. But they ARE getting something out of it, or they wouldn't do it. A need to be needed, perhaps?

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak wrote: »

Let's hope his role is living as a responsible parent, paying his own bills, Mooloo!:rotfl: This should be taken as a wry, lighten up the moment comment!

Love it!!
I hope in vane.

Savvy_sewing

phryne wrote: »

There is something going on in this situation, psychologically. Most people would have put the brakes on long before now.

Not meant as a critique, it happens with a lot of people. To quote the wonderful Alvin Hall there's the 'parasite' and the 'fixer'. It's easy to see what the parasite gets out of the situation (a free ride) but less easy to see what the fixer gets from it. But they ARE getting something out of it, or they wouldn't do it. A need to be needed, perhaps?

Habit as provider as a mum.
Although I get fed up I still keep caving in!

I don't know why when my head knows it. My heart takes over.

At the moment I am my own worst enemy.