Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

annandale

The housing issues have been going on for some time. They need to be proactive and do something about this. I do not believe that its ok for the housing and the police just to wash their hands of this situation and tell them nothing can be done.

Sorry Mooloo this may sound very hard hearted, but if I were you I would be asking for the 180 quid to be repaid to you and the rent they owe you to be repaid to you.

Please do not just write this money off.

If you have paid their rent for the last two months and he has taken this money from your card we are talking about the best part of 800-1000 pounds yes?

thorsoak

Had you looked at the situation from this perspective Mooloo? By paying their rent/giving them money for food/buying food for them/petrol etc you have been freeing up money to buy drugs from the family from hell that has caused your family so much grief? Hopefully they both are still going along the drug-free path - I should imagine that they are being drug-tested on a regular basis if there is any chance of them having their sons returned to them - but that thought would sicken me so much were I in your shoes.

annandale

I would also be asking your son to let you have a look at his bank statement to see where his money is going, I dont mean to account for every single last penny to you, but surely if they are both in work they should have enough to live on (I appreciate a lot of people struggle on part time and insecure work)

Do you know what their outgoings are, whether they have debt? Why they seem to be leaking money and are having to borrow from you, what exactly is the issue?

Chrystal

Mooloo wrote: »

I know!
My heart takes over from my head. I am my own worst enemy.
I am hanging on to see what the next LAC review is saying in a few days time, then I hope the housing issues will be tackled. I also am going to try again to get him to understand that he has exhausted me over all of this.
My dreams are as you say, lost at the moment and no matter how hard I work it all goes else where!
I am going to try and get him to go back to the council debt people to see if they can help.
I have stopped the card.
I expect to see some money on the table on Sunday when he next gets a payment and I will be asking for it. Also I will be able to make better decisions after I know what Social are doing. As I will know soon whether I am having the children or not if they fail to get them back.

So you are prepared to give up the next 20 years of your life - and longer if they have more children (because presumably you would also take any more that come along?)
I don't know what I'd do in your situation with the little ones, but I do know what I'd do with your son, because I did it with mine. Small amount of money 'appropriated' but the loss of trust broke my heart and I told him to leave there and then and not come back until he was 'clean'
It broke my heart but I stuck to my guns and it worked.
You really need to look at what you are enabling here, and see it as it really is. Make yourself a doormat and people wipe their feet on you.

I truly hope that you can find your way out of this mess. X

beanielou

annandale wrote: »

I would also be asking your son to let you have a look at his bank statement to see where his money is going, I dont mean to account for every single last penny to you, but surely if they are both in work they should have enough to live on (I appreciate a lot of people struggle on part time and insecure work)

Do you know what their outgoings are, whether they have debt? Why they seem to be leaking money and are having to borrow from you, what exactly is the issue?

I really dont think you can ask an adult to see their bank statments.

Savvy_sewing

He is clean.
He learned that lesson.
He only had 10 hours work last week, at minimum wage.
Doesn't even cover the car insurance.
She's taken a new job but has to wait a month for her first wage.
They owe thousands to housing benefits because of a dispute over the claims. It's being taken as an attachment of earnings leaving very little. I believe that she has run up debts everywhere and is juggling peter to pay Paul. I don't have the exact figures - not lately anyway.

I have told him he has to show me the bank things this week.

I have told him they have to reclaim housing benefits and produce the payslips every week it changes and let housing benefits work it out. (Minus debts!) I have banged on about disputing the council's decision as if you remember they tried to charge me thousands a few years ago and I successfully reduced it.
But they are not dealing with it.

I have managed to find a different shed for dgd which should be here on Thursday. So I am thrilled as it is similar in size and £345 cheaper.
Dgd May get her "studio" yet.

I will get there. Somehow.

If I have to change my life and my dreams I will be doing it for myself not for them. For my boys. DS will have to fend for him self if he stays with her. He won't be able to stay here if they are.

We will cross that bridge when we come to it.

beanielou

Good news on the shed.

annandale

I really dont think you can ask an adult to see their bank statments.

But Mooloo is expected to bail them out when they spend all of their money? If I needed budgeting help which they clearly do I would happily let someone have a look at my bank statement.

He only had 10 hours work last week, at minimum wage.
Doesn't even cover the car insurance.

Does this dispute over housing benefit mean that he can't apply for housing benefit when he gets little work as he did last week? Are they being honest with you over why they are in this mess over housing benefit? I would think that a self employed person such as yourself might have more issues with HB than two people who are working. I was self employed for 6 years and it was less straightforward in the beginning than when I was working part time.

All I ever had to do when I was working was email my payslips to HB or hand them in. It sounds like a horrible mess but it is not your mess to clear, can CAB not help them?

It sounds like they need debt advice and very soon, from stepchange or whatever the name of the company is now. If they are getting a load of money taken off for HB arrears surely someone can ask that this is reduced if it is leaving them with not enough to live on.

annandale

I also would wonder if you are being told the whole truth about the housing benefit arrears and how they built up.

They do make mistakes. But it should not be that difficult to calculate hb for two people with varying hour contracts

All I had to do was submit payslips weekly. As I was paid weekly.

It really does sound like they need professional advice before they go completely under.

Savvy_sewing

I think they are already under!
The biggest argument is that when DS left her the other year, and I paid off the rent arrears then!, his name was supposed to come off of the claim. Housing appear to have argued that he was still living there so her claim was wrong etc. Dispite DS having his own flat in house with his job.
But as he moved back in with her they are disputing that he ever left. Being as they live in chaos the wage slips seem to have got lost.
Bad organisation on the DS and gf part has meant letters not opened, dead lines missed. Non cooperation from gf to anyone and DS name was still on all her bills despite Biggest and I helpings him to contact everyone to get his name removed. All appear to be denying we did call them.
Unfortunately I don't have a record of my calls etc when we did.

It needs a gather everything together. Every debt. Every bank statement and every wage slip. It needs an SOA immediately.
It then needs a debt plan.
Personally I think Bankruptcy might have to be an option. But I am no specialist debt guidance services. I am just a frustrated Mum who is stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to get two dis functional young adults to face the music own up to being in too deep. And be willing to deal with it. But as their relationship is on and off, as the girl's family is not willing to help her in any way other than in front of the social pretend to support her, and Now I am not so willing to accept her. I am not sure what exactly to do next