Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

thorsoak

Mooloo - whilst you are funding his "taxi service" you are allowing him to bring GF back into your home - which should be your sanctuary. I agree with the others (and yes, we ARE ganging up on you in this respect) - he has absolutely NO respect for you, your home let alone your finances.

He has got to learn that the Bank of Mum is dead - no more financing of ANYTHING.

I do appreciate that part of you feels that you let him down as a teenager when you were chasing after the twins, but you have given him so many opportunities and none of them has he really taken up - honestly the time has come to cut the umbilical cord and tip him out of the nest. I know that you worry about his children - but they are HIS children - not yours.

Remember the adage - not your circus, not your monkeys.

I say all this with genuine regret and affection for you - but you do have to say enough is enough. x

tooldle

Can i recommend that you read about "The Drama Triangle". This is a model developed years ago, which commonly plays out in families and workplaces. You might find this information helpful should you wish to close down some situations.
I came across the model in workplace training, and have found it very helpful over the years in not only seeing a situation for what it is, but in also enabling myself to step out of the situation.

Chrystal

tooldle wrote: »

Can i recommend that you read about "The Drama Triangle". This is a model developed years ago, which commonly plays out in families and workplaces. You might find this information helpful should you wish to close down some situations.
I came across the model in workplace training, and have found it very helpful over the years in not only seeing a situation for what it is, but in also enabling myself to step out of the situation.

Oh WOW! Why have I never heard/seem this before now..... and it's scarily true :eek: :eek:

annandale

25th Sep 18, 12:17 PM
Mooloo - whilst you are funding his "taxi service" you are allowing him to bring GF back into your home - which should be your sanctuary. I agree with the others (and yes, we ARE ganging up on you in this respect) - he has absolutely NO respect for you, your home let alone your finances.

He has got to learn that the Bank of Mum is dead - no more financing of ANYTHING.

I do appreciate that part of you feels that you let him down as a teenager when you were chasing after the twins, but you have given him so many opportunities and none of them has he really taken up - honestly the time has come to cut the umbilical cord and tip him out of the nest. I know that you worry about his children - but they are HIS children - not yours.

Remember the adage - not your circus, not your monkeys.

I say all this with genuine regret and affection for you - but you do have to say enough is enough. x

You do a great job Mooloo and I have the utmost admiration for you (not sure if she will see this as Im not sure if Im one of the posters that she put on ignore earlier in the thread)

But one of your posts in the first page was about learning to say no more often. I know it is hard to do, particularly when he seems to have such a dysfunctional relationship, particularly when there is all the stuff going on with the kids just now. But if someone spent 180 quid on a card of mine when I didn't have much I would be absolutely raging.

The only way your son and GF are going to learn how to manage their finances is the hard way, when you close your purse and you close it for good.

You can do all the manifesting you like and positive thinking about getting your dreams to come to fruition about buying a place in the sun. That is not going to happen if you are having to bail out your kids time after time.

Close the purse and keep it closed. They need to learn that to keep the roof over their heads they need to prioritise bills first, rent first.

I have in my professional life in the past worked with many young people who struggled to deal with budgeting and the basics of running a home. The majority of them at some stage managed it, when they moved into a place of their own, if not at the first attempt at some point they got there.

He is in a dysfunctional relationship yes but if she is treating him this poorly then he needs to think about having the strength to leave and he also needs to take some responsibility and start acting like an adult. He has responsibilities, its a serious situation for him and her just now as you know very well

annandale

Right now I think both DS and his gf are manipulating Mooloo. I understand that it can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship, but he has been described as beaten, worried, exhausted and worn down in previous posts. And now hes bringing her into your home behind your back and ferrying her around in his car with your money. Your wages, that you knock yourself out to earn and you are now in overdraft, that is taking the absolute !!!!

They are both taking the mick. I would be getting them to contact their MP or councillor about the house issue if they haven't. Id also seriously consider getting my locks changed and taking his key from him after you gave him a set time to find somewhere else to live.

I'm the kind of person who will always give people a chance. I get that this must be a really difficult situation for you to be in.

But I seriously think you need to consider closing your purse for good and telling him to make arrangements to live elsewhere.

Toomuchdebt

I'm not going to repeat myself because it's starting to feel like deja vu...but please do take into account all the other posters. Wishing you all the best.

beanielou

I really do think you have to say that enough is enough.
If my DS did that to me, however much I love him, he would not get a second chance to do it.

Savvy_sewing

I know!
My heart takes over from my head. I am my own worst enemy.
I am hanging on to see what the next LAC review is saying in a few days time, then I hope the housing issues will be tackled. I also am going to try again to get him to understand that he has exhausted me over all of this.
My dreams are as you say, lost at the moment and no matter how hard I work it all goes else where!
I am going to try and get him to go back to the council debt people to see if they can help.
I have stopped the card.
I expect to see some money on the table on Sunday when he next gets a payment and I will be asking for it. Also I will be able to make better decisions after I know what Social are doing. As I will know soon whether I am having the children or not if they fail to get them back.

annandale

My dreams are as you say, lost at the moment and no matter how hard I work it all goes else where!

If you didn't live in England they would cope, they would have to.

Why is it you that is always asked for cash, why isn't her family helping to prop them up

thorsoak

Could not DS's father also be asked to help? He has two parents, she has two.