Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Savvy_sewing

Monday Morning. I woke plenty of times, as worry tried to get the better of me, I continued to try and bring control back to my thoughts. I spent two hours last night half watching tv and half scribbling my thoughts in my journal.
I often ask too much of myself, and expect to be able to cope. This past month has been very unsettling. One day I want to raise my game and work on the Shop, still dream on expansion etc. I want to sell it the next day.
On the same day I want to build on my dreams and visualise my Portuguese Home, my studio etc and then I get negative feedback and I wonder what planet I am on?
How can I ever afford to be that person.
How can I have a dream that I can fulfill and still have my relationship with my family, BF, etc
Sometimes I want to run as far as I can away from my current life and turn a new page and not look back.
Currently I am being told to be satisfied with my life, make this my forever home, keep on plodding, I have been also told why don’t you sell up, work parttime for the same money I pay myself and be more envolved with the grandchildren.
Spend more time with Mum, dump BF, and work on improving the council house.
It’s no wonder I struggle with it all.

I don’t think I know what I want anymore.
I can see points that are reasonable, but I don’t feel the passion for my future dreams etc, I don’t feel passionate about anything!
I am going through the motions.
As a business owner I have responsibilities to my staff, my clients, and the community. I have to show up and get the work done. I don’t feel quite as enthusiastic as I was before I renewed the lease.
But I cannot imagine working for anyone else now.
Work from home, and shut the shop goes against the grain. I would feel a failure. Sell it, and work part time, I would probably have to sign a disclosure that I would not trade within a certain distance from the shop.
I have 10 1/2 years before I can retire. So I have to work. I am not lucky enough to be provided for in pensions etc from either marriage, and walked away each time with nothing (Except my children and my car).
I have struggled and followed the ups and downs like crossing a ploughed field. Nothing has ever been easy.
But I have usually been able to make decisions, quickly and turn life around, walk away and start again. But as I get older I am more fearful, worrying about the mistakes, the lack of time, the life is passing too fast.
I fear being lonely old lady on my own, I fear loosing my relationship with my grandchildren and my own children.

Basically I am currently in need of a life coach, a mentor, a soundboard or a springboard!!!

Artytarty

Oh bles you too Mooloo! Surely the people here are your free mentors, soundboard etc. We are all similar, in that we keep,chasing advice until we hear what we want to, only then we may listen.
Lots of us have dreams that keep us going, but they are just that, dreams that we know I’ll not be fulfilled, they can still provide an escape for the mind though. We are not failures for not fulfilling those dreams.
Ok here’s mine, won’t happen, elderly mother, lack of funds, would miss family:
Move to small cottage in Donegal, turf fire, homemade soda bread, with an art studio where I could do my own thing and tourist could P.O. in and maybe buy.
Or, some days I want to stay in the city, sell up and build a brand spanking new house with a big kitchen.

My point is, I don’t feel a failure for not doing it, my family need me, my house is quite adequate, I paint and sell locally.
Dreams are just a pleasant distraction, not meant to consume day to day thinking/doing/ living time.
I know, and you have said many times, that you won’t give up on yours but can you maybe see that they are actually holding you back?

hightara

Artytarty wrote: »

Oh bles you too Mooloo! Surely the people here are your free mentors, soundboard etc. We are all similar, in that we keep,chasing advice until we hear what we want to, only then we may listen.
Lots of us have dreams that keep us going, but they are just that, dreams that we know I’ll not be fulfilled, they can still provide an escape for the mind though. We are not failures for not fulfilling those dreams.
Ok here’s mine, won’t happen, elderly mother, lack of funds, would miss family:
Move to small cottage in Donegal, turf fire, homemade soda bread, with an art studio where I could do my own thing and tourist could P.O. in and maybe buy.
Or, some days I want to stay in the city, sell up and build a brand spanking new house with a big kitchen.

My point is, I don’t feel a failure for not doing it, my family need me, my house is quite adequate, I paint and sell locally.
Dreams are just a pleasant distraction, not meant to consume day to day thinking/doing/ living time.
I know, and you have said many times, that you won’t give up on yours but can you maybe see that they are actually holding you back?

Mooloo I do not usually post, but 9 years on the site.I have been reading your posts. You are such an inspiration.

ivyleaf

Mooloo It sounds to me as if you are very very tired, physically and mentally. It didn't help in the least that you and your Mum were both ill during the holiday you'd been looking forward to! xx

teddypinkskin

Mooloo

It sounds like SAD to me. I think you may feel more positive once spring is here and we've said goodbye to the cold, dark, dismal months. It won't be long now. Hang on in there.

Savvy_sewing

4.15
I am going home. There is plenty of work but as you say, I am tired, I have a sore throat, my body aches from the weekend exercise and my hands ache with the weather. The blackened sky is not helping with the SAD.
I am feeling sad for twin2, and still worrying about DS.
On the plus side there is plenty of work to keep me going tomorrow.
Tomorrow I can start again.
Every dawn is a new beginning after all.

Savvy_sewing

Actually I think I am ill. Shivers, cannot get warm, sore throat. Skip n crawling!
Maybe that’s not exactly helping me!
I can’t afford to be ill!

beanielou

Sometimes though you just have to listen to your body.

Savvy_sewing

There is a lot of work to do, so I feel that I need to go to work. But I am not very well. I may have to go in, cancel some appointments and possibly arrange to put a sign u with temporary hours closing when Biggest finishes at 2.30.
Bf messaged this morning that he is unwell and not going to work today.
Let’s see how I feel when I am up, and moving around.

Savvy_sewing

Forgot car is going to be serviced and MOTD today too.