Refusing to pay rent please help

iammumtoone

Comms69 wrote: »

Look the police will become involved whenever you call them. Will they take action? Probably not.

Have you ever called the police in a domestic abuse situation?

I have a few occasions to call the police, a couple of burglaries/petty crimes, they weren't partially interested. Unfortunately I have also had experience of calling them for domestic abuse, the difference in the level of response/interest was vast. Not only did they attend straight away I had follow up calls to make sure everything was ok.

Please do not frighten people if you have no experience to back up your claims/assumptions.

squeeks

First step would be to try mediation to see if you can resolve the issues - I am assuming there is some logic or reasoning, however warped behind your spouse acting this way.

edited to add.... have a chat with your in-laws and see what they make of their sons behaviour...

If the situation is untenable and cannot be resolved then you need to extricate yourself and start the divorce process. Refusing to pay housekeeping is grounds for divorce - https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce however being unemployed or falling on bad times in general isn't.

Typically in this situation you move out and then try and seperate yourself financially from your spouse.

Most tenancies allow either party to notify the landlord that you are leaving. If the utilities are in your name you can get them cut off etc.

Just be mindful that anything in joint names affects your credit history and the company the agreement is with can pursue you both individually for the entire debt (damages etc...).

Trying to get the police involved for depriving funds or emotional abuse is probably a waste of time.

elsien

Leaving a secure tenancy to look for private rental with children would have to be an absolute last resort.
Could you get one of the free half hour sessions with a solicitor, or contact women's aid with regards to legal aid?

Comms69

iammumtoone wrote: »

Have you ever called the police in a domestic abuse situation?

I have a few occasions to call the police, a couple of burglaries/petty crimes, they weren't partially interested. Unfortunately I have also had experience of calling them for domestic abuse, the difference in the level of response/interest was vast. Not only did they attend straight away I had follow up calls to make sure everything was ok.

Please do not frighten people if you have no experience to back up your claims/assumptions.

There's a massive difference between the police attending. and taking action.


Anecdotal evidence is of no use to the OP. Just because someone calls the police does no mean a crime has occurred.

Margot123

Comms69 wrote: »

There's a massive difference between the police attending. and taking action.


Anecdotal evidence is of no use to the OP. Just because someone calls the police does no mean a crime has occurred.

This is not purely anecdotal, it is in fact Police policy throughout England and Wales (and most probably the rest of The UK).
I have experience from a professional angle of how safeguarding (ie DASH) works.

Please don't use your own anecdotes and stereotypical answers to frighten and misinform people.

Comms69

Margot123 wrote: »

This is not purely anecdotal, it is in fact Police policy throughout England and Wales (and most probably the rest of The UK).
I have experience from a professional angle of how safeguarding (ie DASH) works.

Please don't use your own anecdotes and stereotypical answers to frighten and misinform people.

How am I frightening and misinforming?


The police cannot act if there is 1: no crime, or 2: no evidence of a crime.


This is a fact throughout the UK and most countries worldwide.


You seem to suggest the police are magical, that they will arrive at a moments notice and sort out the whole thing. The reality is the justice system is a sledgehammer, it's all or nothing. The OP would have to make a statement and provide evidence. the Police would then refer it to the CPS, who would decide if the prosecution is likely to succeed and is in the public interest.


Even if that happens the court may not order a restraining order. That's a lot of 'ifs'.


I'm simply offering a solution where the OP, not the police, cps or courts, is in control.

Red-Squirrel_2

Comms69 wrote: »

How am I frightening and misinforming?


The police cannot act if there is 1: no crime, or 2: no evidence of a crime.


This is a fact throughout the UK and most countries worldwide.


You seem to suggest the police are magical, that they will arrive at a moments notice and sort out the whole thing. The reality is the justice system is a sledgehammer, it's all or nothing. The OP would have to make a statement and provide evidence. the Police would then refer it to the CPS, who would decide if the prosecution is likely to succeed and is in the public interest.


Even if that happens the court may not order a restraining order. That's a lot of 'ifs'.


I'm simply offering a solution where the OP, not the police, cps or courts, is in control.

A crime is being committed.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-new-psychological-abuse-law-a6789271.html

Why on earth do you post on threads about domestic abuse?

TBagpuss

OP, I would suggest that first off, you decide what outcome you want. Do you feel that the relationship has broken past mending, and you want to separate, or would you be willing to give it another go if your husband were willing to change?

If it is the former, then I would suggest that you try to see a solicitor. Look for one who offers legal aid, as they will be able to advise you about whether the financial situation you are in amounts to abuse to give you access to legal aid. If it doesn't, you may be able to apply for an occupation order and the legal aid may then be extended to allow you to apply (under the Family Law Act) for the tenancy to be transferred into you name.

if it doesn't, then look for a solicitor who offers 'unbundled' advice, which allows you to do some of the work yourself, while relying on the solicitor for help with specific questions or issues. If you are on a low income then you may well be eligible for a fee exemption or reduction on the court fee, and the divorce petition itself is fairly straightforward, although I would recommend getting professional advice about applying for the tenancy to be transferred to you, to ensure that you cover the important parts in your statement. (the court can take your husband's name off the tenancy if they are satisfied that it is appropriate. If the tenancy was originally in your sole name, and you are the primary carer for children, then you have a strong case, unless your husband has disabilities or other reasons why losing the tenancy would be a greater hardship for him than for you)

If you would be willing to try again if your husband is open to change, then consider contacting RELATE ad trying whether couple's counselling will help you to discuss the issues and find ways to move forward.

It may be that your husband's behaviour amounts to 'controlling or coercive behaviour, which can be a crime, you might find it helpful to contact Refuge or Women's Aid to get more information. Even if your local police can't help directly, or you don't want them to, consider asking about local support groups or organisations for women in similar situations - you may find it useful to talk to people who have had similar experiences and who can support you in whatever steps you chose to take.

Good Luck.

iammumtoone

Comms69 wrote: »

There's a massive difference between the police attending. and taking action.


Anecdotal evidence is of no use to the OP. Just because someone calls the police does no mean a crime has occurred.

I would say anecdotal evidence is of more use than guess work/assumptions.

In my case the police did not take action again my ex as I didn't want to press charges (I don't know the figure but suspect that is actually rare to happen, I know I wasn't pushed on this), BUT they did take action to make sure they did all they could to make sure I was safe.

Comms69

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

A crime is being committed.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-new-psychological-abuse-law-a6789271.html

Why on earth do you post on threads about domestic abuse?

It may well be, but what are the chances of securing a conviction?


I post because a lot of people set up unrealistic expectations of the intervention and support that is available.


Look, there are millions of relationships where one person works and the other doesn't. We don't claim that to be financial abuse, and certainly the police don't haul away the non working partner.