Grown up children money off their dad after all these years

ska_lover

unforeseen wrote: »

You mention a restraining order but the question that has not been answered, and I doubt it can unless he is asked, is did he deliver them or did he ask somebody to do it for him?

If somebody delivered them then even if the restraining order is still in force then he has not breached it

Even if he delivered them he has still not breached it as he did not contact you.

You have no way of proving that he came anywhere near your location.

If the restraining order is in place, it is likely he broke it, even sending someone as a messenger, if the order is that he is banned from 'making contact' - which is not necessarily physical contact

I would feel uneasy this person knows where i was living

Charityworker

Sorry i should have clarified in the original post. I didnt open the envelopes myself or withold any money. I gave it to them when they got in and they opened them themselves. Until that moment i didn't know who they were from. Theyve kept the money but they are going to hold onto it for a while until they see if theres any strings attached.

Also just to clarify too im not living in the hostel anymore. I stayed there for about 9 months then went in privately rented. Now im in my own house with my husband so i dont know how he got my address unless we have a mutual "friend".

I dont know who delivered the envelopes because i didnt see them arrive but a neighbour saw a woman walking up the path on Christmas morning.

Any more questions?

Charityworker

ska_lover wrote: »

Way to play down the whole situation.

If it were my kids, I would be hoping he HAS had a diagnosis and was going to suffer a painful death, on his own, in the gutter with dogs urinating on him.

Some things you don't forgive, and threatening to murder your own toddlers is one of them - god knows what those kids saw and heard - or how many years of abuse the OP had dealt with before this final incident

I would never risk having him anywhere near. I would never risk my adult kids wellbeing for anything. On the offchance that a psycho had changed. Not a chance

OP i would seek legal counselling and ensure the injunction still stands. - the money? i would be more worried that he knows where you live to be honest

Finally someone talks sense. This is exactly my thoughts.

BrassicWoman

Charityworker wrote: »

Also just to clarify too im not living in the hostel anymore. I stayed there for about 9 months then went in privately rented. Now im in my own house with my husband so i dont know how he got my address unless we have a mutual "friend".

I dont know who delivered the envelopes because i didnt see them arrive but a neighbour saw a woman walking up the path on Christmas morning.

I would make sure the police are aware, in case you have any need to call on them in an emergency. There is no way he should have your address.

dandy-candy

TBH I'm surprised they want to keep the money, skint or not. I would think them accepting it will please your ex greatly and make him feel he has a foot in the door.

ska_lover

dandy-candy wrote: »

I would think them accepting it will please your ex greatly and make him feel he has a foot in the door.

Do you know him?

System

Could he have found you/your address through social media, perhaps? Your daughters (going by their ages) are likely to be on FaceBook etc. I would ask them to look at their privacy settings if that is the case.

I think you are right to be concerned.

Mojisola

dandy-candy wrote: »

TBH I'm surprised they want to keep the money, skint or not.

I would think them accepting it will please your ex greatly and make him feel he has a foot in the door.

Trying to return it would mean contacting him.

If they don't contact him, he won't know what's happened - whether they've kept the money for themselves, given it to a charity or torn it up into little pieces and flushed it down the toilet.

Charityworker

It would probably be easy for him to find my address if he really wanted to. Im a self employed event organiser and last year he turned up to one of my events. I dont think at the time he knew it was my event until he spotted me there and put two and two together. All he has to do is contact one of the stall holders (trade fairs) and ask for the details of the company that organised the event pretending hes interested in exhibiting. so if someone really wanted to put effort into finding my address they could.

Comms69

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Ah sorry, read this as present tense

"I had to flee domestic violence and live in a hostel with them."

However, I would still be talking to the police. If he's not meant to know where they are, and now does, something has gone wrong.

If he wants to make amends there are better ways to approach than by surprise!

I still don't see the relevance. Even if it's a technical breach the police are not going to take action against someone 17 years after the case.