Grown up children money off their dad after all these years

Charityworker

My daughters are 23 and 20. Its Christmas day and 2 envelopes have just arrived on the doorstep with £100 each in them. Neither of them have had any contact with their dad for about 17 years. He has a restraining order that hes not supposed to contact me. Last time he saw them he threatened to kill them. I had to flee domestic violence and live in a hostel with them. So what shall we do? Part of me wants to send it back. But they could do with the money and ive never had a penny off him so hes due to pay them something. They dont want to make contact with him.

lika_86

Take the money. If they really feel they'd have some sort of obligation as a result then donate it to a good cause, maybe a domestic violence charity or refuge.

Batman2017

what do you think his motivation is for sending the money?

pinkshoes

Perhaps after all this time he is feeling somewhat guilty for what he did?

Accept the money, although perhaps put it to one side for 6 months to check no strings are attached...

PasturesNew

It's not your money, nor, therefore, your choice.

They are adults and the gift was to them - to interfere with that would be theft.

Give them the money, let them choose what to do.

ampersand

A suggestion:
Pass it to a d.v. hostel of the type that gave you sanctuary.

Or, should your i.d. connect in real life to a particular charity, choose accordingly.

A joyous Christmas and well done on raising your daughters to adulthood and independence.

WibblyGirly

Give it to them and let them decide. They are adults and capable of making their own choices.

BrassicWoman

if you have a restraining order I would inform the police. If he knows the hostel address, you may no longer be safe living there. Talk to your case worker as a priority.

chesky

Are you still in a hostel after 17 years? Doesn’t seem right, have you been in touch with your local authority.

Tabbytabitha

Where's the idea that they're still living in the hostel come from?

Fosterdog

BrassicWoman wrote: »

if you have a restraining order I would inform the police. If he knows the hostel address, you may no longer be safe living there. Talk to your case worker as a priority.

Really?

It’s been 17 years, I highly doubt OP is still in a hostel and also unlikely to still have an open case let alone a case worker.

After this long the chances are he has grown up, is a completely different person and is reaching out to bridge the gap with his children. There is also the possibility that he has had a diagnosis meaning this could be his last and only chance to even try to reconcile with them, it’s not unheard of. Maybe he’s always thought of them but always been living in poverty and not been able to give anything but has come into a small amount of money and decided to give them something.

I’m all for people taking responsibility for and being punished for their actions but he has left you all alone for 17 years, he would have been released by now if he had murdered someone, it’s probably safe to say that he’s not the same person he was back then.