Grown up children money off their dad after all these years

BrassicWoman

Ah sorry, read this as present tense

"I had to flee domestic violence and live in a hostel with them."

However, I would still be talking to the police. If he's not meant to know where they are, and now does, something has gone wrong.

If he wants to make amends there are better ways to approach than by surprise!

ViolaLass

How do you know that the envelopes are from their dad? (you didn't say in the OP). Any chance they're from someone else?

sheramber

He hasn't contacted you if the envelope are addressed to your daughters.

It is not your choice what to do with the money. It is for your daughter to decide. They are both adults.

chesky

Sorry, I misread too.

clairec79

They are adults therefore it's completely on them

You say you have a restraining order against him and he can't contact you, I'm assuming there isn't one against your children so legally he is probably not breaking the order by giving this to the girls (although it would scare me that he then knows where I live - so it could either be he's feeling guilt and wants to make amends or he's still exerting that control over you by letting you know he knows where you live)

kingfisherblue

Charityworker wrote: »

My daughters are 23 and 20. Its Christmas day and 2 envelopes have just arrived on the doorstep with £100 each in them. Neither of them have had any contact with their dad for about 17 years. He has a restraining order that hes not supposed to contact me. Last time he saw them he threatened to kill them. I had to flee domestic violence and live in a hostel with them. So what shall we do? Part of me wants to send it back. But they could do with the money and ive never had a penny off him so hes due to pay them something. They dont want to make contact with him.

Were the envelopes addressed to your daughters? Was there anything in them to say that they were from their dad? What do your daughters want to do with the money?

As others have said, their money, their choice - not yours. I'm not even clear as to whether you have opened the envelopes yourself, or whether your daughters have opened them. Perhaps you can clarify please.

chesky

How does he know where you live?

AylesburyDuck

Presumably the envelopes were addressed to them and not to you, and as they are adults then any decision making is their and theirs alone.

ska_lover

Fosterdog wrote: »

Really?

It’s been 17 years, I highly doubt OP is still in a hostel and also unlikely to still have an open case let alone a case worker.

After this long the chances are he has grown up, is a completely different person and is reaching out to bridge the gap with his children. There is also the possibility that he has had a diagnosis meaning this could be his last and only chance to even try to reconcile with them, it’s not unheard of. Maybe he’s always thought of them but always been living in poverty and not been able to give anything but has come into a small amount of money and decided to give them something.

I’m all for people taking responsibility for and being punished for their actions but he has left you all alone for 17 years, he would have been released by now if he had murdered someone, it’s probably safe to say that he’s not the same person he was back then.

Way to play down the whole situation.

If it were my kids, I would be hoping he HAS had a diagnosis and was going to suffer a painful death, on his own, in the gutter with dogs urinating on him.

Some things you don't forgive, and threatening to murder your own toddlers is one of them - god knows what those kids saw and heard - or how many years of abuse the OP had dealt with before this final incident

I would never risk having him anywhere near. I would never risk my adult kids wellbeing for anything. On the offchance that a psycho had changed. Not a chance

OP i would seek legal counselling and ensure the injunction still stands. - the money? i would be more worried that he knows where you live to be honest

unforeseen

You mention a restraining order but the question that has not been answered, and I doubt it can unless he is asked, is did he deliver them or did he ask somebody to do it for him?

If somebody delivered them then even if the restraining order is still in force then he has not breached it

Even if he delivered them he has still not breached it as he did not contact you.

You have no way of proving that he came anywhere near your location.