How do you cope with loneliness?

Newbie_Ginnings

Obviously there is more to the story which I don't want to post on here but yes I have apologised for my part in the events. I have also apologised to my daughter even though I didn't do anything wrong and she has acknowledged that it wasn't in any way my fault. We had a fantastic relationship until this happened and I tried hard to keep our relationship going for a long time afterwards.



I wont invite her partner. Yes what he did is an offence, and had it been done by a random person in the street I would have reported it to the police. Given the circumstances I didn't think that involving the police would have made the situation any better, but I never want to be in the same room as him again.









I was really just hoping for some "yes I've been there" stories of people who have come through the other side and how they did it. I wasn't looking for sympathy, or judgement.







Thanks for the replies x

Tabbytabitha

I have dogs.

hollydays

Newbie_Ginnings wrote: »

Obviously there is more to the story which I don't want to post on here but yes I have apologised for my part in the events. I have also apologised to my daughter even though I didn't do anything wrong and she has acknowledged that it wasn't in any way my fault. We had a fantastic relationship until this happened and I tried hard to keep our relationship going for a long time afterwards.



I wont invite her partner. Yes what he did is an offence, and had it been done by a random person in the street I would have reported it to the police. Given the circumstances I didn't think that involving the police would have made the situation any better, but I never want to be in the same room as him again.









I was really just hoping for some "yes I've been there" stories of people who have come through the other side and how they did it. I wasn't looking for sympathy, or judgement.







Thanks for the replies x

I think it might help you to explain what the partner did . Otherwise it just vague comments.

pickledonionspaceraider

I am very lucky that I have a wonderful husband.

Other than him I have no family that I an in contact with, and very few close friends. My family always had a very unhealthy dynamic and the family relationships I knew, I now know to be unhealthy and abusive - people who drag you down instead of build you up

My husbands family are very close, and I often struggle to be around them as in many ways I am jealous of the family bonds, the shared history. Pathetic, eh I am a grown woman.

I cant tell you any advice, i mourn the family I never had.

newatc

I suddenly felt very lonely when my mother died a few years ago although she lived some distance away and I only saw 2 or 3 times a year (but spoke regularly on the phone). So I wouldn't be at all surprised, Newbie Gin, if that heightened your feelings more than you think. Time will help with that.
Not sure forum strangers can be that helpful with the more specific issues but for what's it worth I would suggest thinking about what you want (and are able to) to achieve in near future and put together a plan to get there.
Good luck.

rachel230

Newbie (and any others on here)
Sympathies and condolences to anyone else who has a dysfunctional family.
Newbie - it sounds like you have tried everything to resolve the issues and I can only begin to understand the pain of the loss of closeness/contact with your daughter. Perhaps she has her own issues/insecurities. Perhaps she is afraid of her husband and could be being controlled by him. You may have to accept this for the time being but be there ready and waiting should she need you in the future. You could perhaps write/email her once a week - just a loving, light, undemanding, caring communication with no expectations.
Good luck. There are many of us in the same boat.

Kayalana99

Newbie_Ginnings wrote: »

Obviously there is more to the story which I don't want to post on here but yes I have apologised for my part in the events. I have also apologised to my daughter even though I didn't do anything wrong and she has acknowledged that it wasn't in any way my fault. We had a fantastic relationship until this happened and I tried hard to keep our relationship going for a long time afterwards.



I wont invite her partner. Yes what he did is an offence, and had it been done by a random person in the street I would have reported it to the police. Given the circumstances I didn't think that involving the police would have made the situation any better, but I never want to be in the same room as him again.









I was really just hoping for some "yes I've been there" stories of people who have come through the other side and how they did it. I wasn't looking for sympathy, or judgement.







Thanks for the replies x

My two cents, I haven't been in your situation but I have been in the situation of having to deal with a partner I didn't like....didn't like being held loosely as what he did to me is a long story.

What I will say is what she said to me (the one with the partner) that she has made a choice to be with him, and I need to respect that even if I don't like him.

Honestly, perhaps counselling will help you move past this, but I do agree it doesn't matter what he has done. What matters is that your daughter has chosen to be with him and your relationship with her. If she can live with whatever he has done, then you need to respect that and forget about it.

Februarycat

I can understand how you feel, I'm in a similar situation to you, I lost my mum, then my dad a year after, then my husband had an affair and we got divorced, then lost my lovely cat, then my son left home to live with his fianc!e, who is very controlling and my son is afraid to upset her by visiting me, they only live 15 mins drive from me, but never come over and they have recently had a baby, my granddaughter, but not bought her over to my house, I did go over twice last month to see granddaughter, but felt like his fianc!e did not really want me involved with granddaughter.


I'm spending Xmas on my own like last year, I just try and treat it as a normal day and keep busy. Sorry to hear about your situation, I think it always seems worse at Xmas time, when everyone is visiting family. Please pm if you want to chat more.

seven-day-weekend

chesky wrote: »

Unless what your daughter's partner did was criminal, I think you're going to have to hold your tongue about whatever he did, as your daughter seems to have made that a red line. You may not be able to forgive whatever it was but you will have to learn to live with it if you want to move on.

I was just going to say exactly this. Surely having a relationship with your daughter is more important than whatever this man did in the past? It's the past, it's gone. Just accept him as part of your daughter's life (you don't have to like him, just keep your mouth shut), and then maybe you can have a relationship with your daughter.

166million

I think I would find someone to be with - a partner. There's lots of nice people out there who are also lonely and looking for someone. Doesn't have to be a passionate love affair.

I hope you feel better soon. Try and focus on the good things in your life :-)