Co-habiting couples warned of "common law marriage" myth

Comms69

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

If you're the mother.

Now that is silly (and sexist) - good father's change a lot when they have children.

Comms69

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

You're right, I'd fight injustice with you, not inequality.

onomatopoeia99

Izadora wrote: »

It's not just a few people though. It's something that I have been asked so, so many times by so many different people over the past few years and there really is no easy way to respond.

I've tried being direct and telling people it's none of their business, they cop the hump and tell ME that I'M being rude...

I've tried "When we're ready" and been lectured on how I'm "not getting any younger" and really should think about it sooner rather than later.

I've told people that we've been trying and it's just not happening and then have to deal with the pity-face "so, any luck?" follow-up questions and lectures about how I should/shouldn't be eating this, doing that etc.

It is constant and relentless and there is absolutely nothing that I've found which will make people stop.

It does require a certain amount of condescension to ask questions like that

I'm male so don't get asked, either by male or female friends (indeed, I doubt they'd remain friends if they started asking me about my fertility) and I've certainly never said anything to my female friends along those lines - their lives, their choices, none of my or anyone else's business.

Just as well no-one has asked me, as they would certainly get the hump with my response :rotfl: .

Have you tried "A woman's life is not defined by the product of her uterus" as a response? It's both an important truth and might put them off from ever asking again.

Gavin83

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I'm male so don't get asked,

I'm male and I've been asked a tonne of times when I'm having kids so it's not exclusively a female issue. Saying this I don't really care, I just make it clear I'm not having kids and I really don't understand why people do.

ViolaLass

Comms69 wrote: »

If you can show me inequality, I will fight it along side you. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/21/government-rejects-ban-employers-forcing-women-wear-high-heels/.
for example


But no, there is not pressure from 'society' to conform to stereotypes. Yes there is. Advertising, films, clothing etc YOU are responsible for your actions, like I am for mine. Of course we are, never said we weren't If you choose to 'go with the flock' that is your choice, no-one has a gun to your head, no-one is taking away your freedom if you don't (atleast not in this country!) And the only pressure you might ever face in your life is 'having a gun to your head'?


If you want a baby, don't expect everyone else to work around you. Wot, not even the person you're having it with?! That's your choice. If you have it with the wrong person, that isn't my fault. If you decide to give up work, or prioritise your family, don't expect your employer to support your personal choices.This criticism can't be for me as I did not advocate any of these things.


I don't think there's anything radical about teaching responsibility.

Or empathy.

maman

While I am willing to believe that some people are asked when they're going to have children relentlessly surely nobody would actually go ahead and have a child for that reason??? That's absolute madness.:eek:


In an ideal world, everyone who wanted to be would be in a great relationship with a reliable partner who took full responsibility for childcare. But that's not the world we live in. Sometimes we have to make choices.


Having a child in a good financial situation isn't going to make a massive difference to one's career chances. Having a child too soon and adding more and staying off work for years more than likely will. That's a choice.

Comms69

ViolaLass wrote: »

Or empathy.

If you can show me inequality, I will fight it along side you. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/21/government-rejects-ban-employers-forcing-women-wear-high-heels/.
for example - That article, in paragraph 2 quite clearly states providing it is considered a job requirement and men are made to dress to an "equivalent level of smartness". Where's the inequality - both men and women have a dress code.


But no, there is not pressure from 'society' to conform to stereotypes. Yes there is. Advertising, films, clothing etc - I don't think anyone could say adverts, films etc are representative of society or life. Maybe it's just me that isn't easily influenced by what I see advertised. YOU are responsible for your actions, like I am for mine. Of course we are, never said we weren't If you choose to 'go with the flock' that is your choice, no-one has a gun to your head, no-one is taking away your freedom if you don't (atleast not in this country!) And the only pressure you might ever face in your life is 'having a gun to your head'? - No of course not. But succumbing to pressure is still a choice of sorts.


If you want a baby, don't expect everyone else to work around you. Wot, not even the person you're having it with?! - That's not fair, I said everyone in the broad sense. But yes I think that people should have babies with someone they can rely on etc. That's your choice. If you have it with the wrong person, that isn't my fault. If you decide to give up work, or prioritise your family, don't expect your employer to support your personal choices.This criticism can't be for me as I did not advocate any of these things. - It's not criticism at all. Sorry if you've taken it that way, I'm saying that these are all part and parcel of having a baby


I don't think there's anything radical about teaching responsibility.

ViolaLass

Comms69 wrote: »

That article, in paragraph 2 quite clearly states providing it is considered a job requirement and men are made to dress to an "equivalent level of smartness". Where's the inequality - both men and women have a dress code.

High heels can be extremely uncomfortable and can even make your feet bleed (we're not designed to stand on our toes all day long). What's the male equivalent?

Comms69

ViolaLass wrote: »

High heels can be extremely uncomfortable and can even make your feet bleed (we're not designed to stand on our toes all day long). What's the male equivalent?

Well you'll have to explain why so many women choose to wear them on Friday nights whilst having a few to many, if they're that bad. Why some spend hundreds, if not thousands, of pounds on vast quantities of high heel shoes.


That aside, again no-one is forced to work there, and clearly plenty of employers don't insist on this.


The fact that people put up with such 'conditions' (I don't know, I don't wear heels), suggests that it's acceptable. If it was so bad, surely they'd walk out en masse?


I don't know what the male equivalent is. I know I'm expected to wear shirt and tie etc at work, female colleagues tent to wear what they like. Doesn't really bother me all that much.

svain

ViolaLass wrote: »

High heels can be extremely uncomfortable and can even make your feet bleed (we're not designed to stand on our toes all day long). What's the male equivalent?

Shirt & tie