Co-habiting couples warned of "common law marriage" myth

ViolaLass

Comms69 wrote: »

I agree. Male suicide is a real problem.


Whilst mental health services are available equality to both men and women. Some of the aggravating factors, especially around domestic abuse are certainly unequal. The reason I see that as an inequality is that the state deliberately splits funding based upon gender.

The state is the ultimate authority. So yes 33% (upto 40% according to some studies) of victims of domestic violence and abuse are men, yet only 1 in 100 beds in shelters cater to men. That is state sponsored inequality, which I would say is a problem caused by 'society' ie the general populous, proxying in the govt.

It wouldn't be acceptable to tell those men to 'get out of that relationship' would it? (not without offering further support)

In the same vein, it's not OK to tell the women to just find themselves another job where they won't be forced to wear shoes that make their feet bleed. Apart from anything else, do you really think they're too stupid to think of it themselves?

maman

Gloomendoom wrote: »

There is an easy way to remove the unfairness and illogicality; remove the benefit entitlement of unmarried live-in partners.

Then sit back and marvel at the length of the queues outside registry offices up and down the land.

Sorry but I know little of the benefit system. I thought that unmarried couples living together were already 'penalised' by the system in that they can't claim as if they were two separate entities.

Comms69

ViolaLass wrote: »

It wouldn't be acceptable to tell those men to 'get out of that relationship' would it? (not without offering further support)

In the same vein, it's not OK to tell the women to just find themselves another job where they won't be forced to wear shoes that make their feet bleed. Apart from anything else, do you really think they're too stupid to think of it themselves?

Of course it would, the first thing to be said to those men is - get out, as soon as possible. Ofcourse getting out of a controlling relationship tends to mean losing home, possessions, family contact etc.


So yes I think in both cases it's absolutely fine.


But you want to compare domestic abuse to working conditions?...

Gavin83

I'm quite lucky really in that both me and my fianc! earn similar salaries and always have done. Should the worst happen it would make a 50/50 split of assets extremely easy as we've both contributed similar amounts on paper.

I'd imagine many issues occur when one partner earns a fair bit more than the other and therefore feels entitled to more, rightly or wrongly.

Gloomendoom

maman wrote: »

Sorry but I know little of the benefit system. I thought that unmarried couples living together were already 'penalised' by the system in that they can't claim as if they were two separate entities.

Looks like I know even less than you.

System

Of course it would, the first thing to be said to those men is - get out, as soon as possible. Of course getting out of a controlling relationship tends to mean losing home, possessions, family contact etc.

Same applies to women too. Married or not.

Comms69

Judi wrote: »

Same applies to women too. Married or not.

absolutely. My original point was about lack of state sponsored support for men, but the consequences are often the same.

Tabbytabitha

maman wrote: »

Sorry but I know little of the benefit system. I thought that unmarried couples living together were already 'penalised' by the system in that they can't claim as if they were two separate entities.

That's certainly true but I wouldn't describe it as being penalised.

Happier_Me

There's been a lot in the media on this point this week. Today, for example, I read about someone who'd been given leave to appeal a decision that prevented her having a bereavement payout when her long term partner died as they weren't married. So it seems the establishment is questioning whether to recognise a cohabitee. However, on the other hand, the benefit system does take account of a live in partner whether married or not. It seems the whole thing is a construct of government and has unfairness and illogicality built in.

I think the solution to some degree is in raising awareness. As adults we should take responsibility for ourselves and that is in understanding the repercussions of the decisions we make.

There are pros and cons to marriage (and subsequently divorce) as there are in remaining unmarried. I know of people, male and female, that have literally been left with just the shirt on their backs after divorce, despite being the main or only earner and not always through choice. My brother in law is the only earner doing a job he despises and married to a woman that expects to be looked after. He does more than his fair share in the home too.

On the other hand, how many people are unmarried because their partner is so set against it and the alternative is separation? Not marrying may well be a form of financial control in some relationships!

Comms69

Happier_Me wrote: »

I think the solution to some degree is in raising awareness. As adults we should take responsibility for ourselves and that is in understanding the repercussions of the decisions we make.

There are pros and cons to marriage (and subsequently divorce) as there are in remaining unmarried. I know of people, male and female, that have literally been left with just the shirt on their backs after divorce, despite being the main or only earner and not always through choice. My brother in law is the only earner doing a job he despises and married to a woman that expects to be looked after. He does more than his fair share in the home too.

On the other hand, how many people are unmarried because their partner is so set against it and the alternative is separation? Not marrying may well be a form of financial control in some relationships!

Sorry what?


No it's not. The alternative is separation, just like with any other issue.


If it's a fundamental pre-requisite, then ofcourse you need to find someone else. But you cant force people into marriage by accusing them of being abusive!