Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy my friend a wedding gift?

Pollycat

meknowalot-51 wrote: »

No one has said how much is to be spent on the gift,have they?Your friend,bride,is i'm sure fully aware of your financial situation,i bet you've spoken to her many times over the years about weekly income.She'll know what you can afford and after what you've all spent so far may not even be expecting anything.Here's an idea,get some old photo's together of you all and mix em up,put them in a frame,result is one inexpencive memorable gift.Remember,she chose you to help and be there on her special day,presents are not whats important.

I'm not so sure about that.
Anyone who expects the bridesmaids to:

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

I'm a bridesmaid for one of my best friends this year. All the bridesmaids collectively agreed a budget for the hen party to keep things fair. For various reasons we have gone way over budget, but the bride also asked us to pay for our own dress alterations (£75+), shoes (£30+) and hair styling (£50+). Can I get away with not buying a wedding gift?

may expect quite a lot gift-wise.

happyinflorida

Well can you afford to?

If not, have a little discussion with your friend. She's asked you to be bridesmaid so you must be fairly close and able to talk about things.

If you're struggling financially and finding it all a bit difficult you could just say, with having to pay for the bridesmaid dress alterations and everything else I am getting worried about the cost of everything altogether for me and I'm struggling with regards to a wedding present for you both.

See what your friend suggests, does she say "oh only get us a little one" - if this is the case, then just buy a small present, like a bottle of something they like with a nice card from a cheap shop!

If she says, oh of course I didn't expect you to buy us a present as well as everything else you've paid for, then all well and good, but best to have a word first as you don't want to upset your friend in any way.

Good luck

crmism

Is it just me, or are the incidental costs of weddings getting really out of hand?

It was customary at one time for the bride's father to cover the entire expense of his daughter's wedding, but everybody then was reasonable, including the bridesmaids, and it was generally affordable. Now, everyone goes overboard to try and upstage the weddings of their friends, but the occasion still lasts for a few hours of one day. A lot of weddings last only a little longer.

I think you are being realistic. What you are being asked to pay for your outfit and appearance is quite enough, so do as you suggest and forget the present.:)

Pollycat

crmism wrote: »

Is it just me, or are the incidental costs of weddings getting really out of hand?

No.
It's not just you.

kazmeister

Save yourself £50 by doing your own hair (rip off anyway) and buy a present with that!

Pollycat

kazmeister wrote: »

Save yourself £50 by doing your own hair (rip off anyway) and buy a present with that!

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the bride wants the bridesmaids to have the same hairstyle.

rinabean

I don't understand why people are saying give a "token" gift like a handmade gift. A handmade gift is worth far more than something bought. Labour is expensive in this country, goods are cheap. Handmade is for the people you love most, not the people you're cross at and don't want to get anything for!

I don't think you can get her nothing because it would be rude. But if you tell her you don't want to pay for all this stuff that's her decision (particular dresses, hairstyles), then it's okay. Either she'll pay for it and then you can buy her a gift, or she won't, and then you don't have any reason to spend even more of your money on her wedding. Depending on how she reacts, you might not want to go any more at all. But to not give a gift without saying anything would be a slight and she probably wouldn't even realise it was because of her own behaviour, so you would be the rude one.

Cheesypopfan

How come the Hen went over budget? Whose fault was this? Buy your own shoes but make sure you will wear them again. Hair get it done yourself in the style tlyour friend would like - afterall no 2 hairdressers are the same. Alterations - maybe seek someone who can do it cheaper if any are needed. As for a gift, check out the woodland trust £15 dedicate a tree in many forests around the UK. They can go for a romatic country walk knowing their gift is in the forest! Nothing more stressful these days than expensive elaborate hen parties and weddings!. Enjoy the day keep your friendship!

Marvel1

rinabean wrote: »

I don't think you can get her nothing because it would be rude. But if you tell her you don't want to pay for all this stuff that's her decision (particular dresses, hairstyles), then it's okay. Either she'll pay for it and then you can buy her a gift, or she won't, and then you don't have any reason to spend even more of your money on her wedding. Depending on how she reacts, you might not want to go any more at all. But to not give a gift without saying anything would be a slight and she probably wouldn't even realise it was because of her own behaviour, so you would be the rude one.

This what I dislike about weddings, people expecting a gift, it's very cheeky.

Pixie5740

crmism wrote: »

Is it just me, or are the incidental costs of weddings getting really out of hand?

No it's not just you. I remember watching some episodes of Don't Tell the Bride (please don't judge me ) and some of the grooms arranging the wedding were outrageous. One groom wanted to get married in Central Park because his fiancee likes Alice in Wonderland and there's an Alice in Wonderland statue there. After blowing a lot of his £12k budget on the stag do he then expected his wedding guests to fork out £500 each (don't think this included flights as well) to attend his wedding because if they didn't the wedding couldn't go ahead as he'd run out of money.

On more than one episode the grooms expected the bridesmaids to pay for their full outfits themselves and they weren't the sort of outfits you'd ever wear again.

I think the bride in the OP has a cheek expecting the bridesmaids to pay for dress alternations, shoes and hair because those things should be coming out the wedding budget in my opinion. I do think it has the potential to cause bad blood though if you don't get the bride something although maybe bridezilla would be a friend worth losing. Only the person with the MMD can decide. Weddings can bring out the worst in people. I have a friend who fell out with his best man over his wedding and the marriage lasted less than a year.