Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy my friend a wedding gift?

Red-Squirrel_2

but the bride also asked us to pay for our own dress alterations (£75+), shoes (£30+) and hair styling (£50+). Can I get away with not buying a wedding gift?

I think you've already spent £155 on a gift of her choosing, so a card will definitely do now.

hazyjo

I would definitely buy something thoughtful - not expensive. Lots of ideas on the internet (ebay), etc. Search with a top budget of say £10/15.

pugsydog

Maybe a nice sewing set would be an idea! I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay for any of it. My wedding, my cost. I stayed within a set budget. She should have done so too. Just buy something small as a token and explain that you can’t afford more because of her extra costs. A true friend should understand.

gaving7095

You can "get away with it" as it's not a crime, however whether your friend decides to hold something against you or not is up to her. I think the group consensus is that yes she probably would hold it against you, so therefore best to buy a gift.
I would doubt the value of a friend who would be that petty but I'm a man so what do I know? XD

Lovingwales

No absolutely not! You have already paid out a lot of money on her wedding, Enjoy the day with her without incurring anymore expense.

Tammykitty

I would get a token gift, probably something personal and homemade.


You should not be paying for the dress alterations, or (presuming you are getting these specifically to the brides wishes) the shoes or hair though.


The hen do going over budget is not the bride's fault, so that's irrelevant.

Jwebb

No i wouldnt. I never brought a gift to my sisters wedding or half my friends because i was skint by the end of the hen do and other bits they planned! Staying in hotels or travelling abroad it all adds up. If ur friend is a true friend they wouldnt expect it. Instead do something sentimental like a hen do scrap book or a nice photo in a pretty frame.

annabelinda12

My son and daughter have also faced this dilemma. My daughters friend was meant to be having a hen weekend at a local spa hotel but then changed it to a weekend in Italy. Original cost £150 each, new cost £400. The girls also put in £30 each for a big joint wedding gift. A month before the big day, a wedding gift list was sent to all of them with a note saying the bride thought they’d like to give individual gifts!. One of my sons friends weddings is being held in France, because the bride loves France. He’s been asked to be an usher, cost £600 which having not long graduated, he just doesn’t have. A lot of the guests are grumbling but no one, apart from him, is ‘brave’ enough to say sorry I can’t come as I can’t afford it’ This couple have sent out a gift list where the cheapest item is £100!
Sorry, I think it’s all gotten crazy. You have shelled out enough already. A nice, card, possibly home made or individualised is ample.

Pollycat

annabelinda12 wrote: »

My son and daughter have also faced this dilemma. My daughters friend was meant to be having a hen weekend at a local spa hotel but then changed it to a weekend in Italy. Original cost £150 each, new cost £400. The girls also put in £30 each for a big joint wedding gift. A month before the big day, a wedding gift list was sent to all of them with a note saying the bride thought they’d like to give individual gifts!. One of my sons friends weddings is being held in France, because the bride loves France. He’s been asked to be an usher, cost £600 which having not long graduated, he just doesn’t have. A lot of the guests are grumbling but no one, apart from him, is ‘brave’ enough to say sorry I can’t come as I can’t afford it’ This couple have sent out a gift list where the cheapest item is £100!
Sorry, I think it’s all gotten crazy. You have shelled out enough already. A nice, card, possibly home made or individualised is ample.

You're right.
It has 'all gotten crazy'.
And until other people follow your (very sensible) son and say 'no, this is just too much', brides & grooms will continue to up the wedding ante.

rach_k

The question you should ask yourself is do you want to give a gift? A gift given because you feel you have to is not something I would want to receive. Forget about what you should do and do what you feel, money permitting! If that means giving nothing, so be it - the bride should understand (and if she doesn't, she deserves to feel sad because nobody should ever expect a gift!). If you want to but can't afford much, write a nice card and do something like a photo as already suggested.