Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy my friend a wedding gift?

Anaya96

I was in a similar situation just over 10 years ago. I had very little income and an overdraft and I was a bridesmaid to my best friend. My friend paid for my bridesmaid dress and alterations, make-up and hair. However, I bought the shoes (she gave me free reign to choose whatever I wanted, so I picked something I could wear again) and those, along with the multiple trips up and down the country for dress fittings and hotel accommodation etc, were outgoings that I really could have done without at the time. However, I didn’t think twice about buying her a gift, though went for one of the cheaper options from her wedding list.

I think it’s unreasonable of your friend to ask for money towards the dress alterations and the hair – if she wants you to be presented in a particular way, she should foot the bill. However, you’ve probably missed your opportunity to raise this with her, so put this down as an error on your part, move on and make or buy her a small gift.

We didn’t ask for any gifts for our own wedding, though eventually put together a small list of items we really needed after many of our guests asked us what we’d like and only gave the details to those who asked for them. We expected nothing but I still remember what items individuals gave us (from our list or otherwise), and also which individuals gave us nothing at all!

One of my favourite gifts that was given to us was a pair of Emma Bridgewater mugs with Mr on one and Mrs on the other. My husband and I still use them for our morning tea ten years later. I have given a similar gift (but a cheaper make found online) to others.

GLM71093

In the summer i was a bridesmaid for my SIL (we are very close friends too). My boyfriend was also an Usher. I had two hen parties, one being abroad, my OH also had two stag parties, again one abroad. We had to pay for two nights accommodation for the wedding and being in the countryside we had to stay in one of two places, both very expensive. However the bride and groom said to us they didn't want a present as they knew how much we had spent.
We did however get them a frame made (only cost £15), but it had Mr & Mrs ***** and then three hearts in the middle, and on the hearts were the lyrics to their first dance. It was just a small gift but I have been told several times by them how much they love it as its so personal. Maybe look into something small like that or even make something which I'm sure would be loved by the bride.

stmartinsdiver

I am in total agreement with Pollycat - and the thought strikes me that this is just 'one' of your best friends'!

pramsay13

You can see here that there is no right or wrong answer and it depends on people's personalities whether not getting a present will bother them, so you have to make a judgement call based on your relationship with the couple.
For our wedding we made up a list as people were asking, but our wedding was around an hour away from where we live so we deliberately said on the invite we do not expect a gift and your presence at the wedding is enough for us, but if you would really like to give a present here is the list...
Some gave us gifts from the list, some gave us random things of their own choosing, some gave us money and some gave us nothing.
We wrote a thank you card to those that had given us something but didn't take note of who gave and who didn't.

Marvel1

A gift is optional, it's not compulsory or to be expected.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Yes, I think a gift is appropriate, as you're a close enough friend to be a bridesmaid, however it doesn't have to be stupidly expensive or off the official list (I can't bear gift lists, but that's another thread).

Plenty of online sites do small, personalised gifts into which you can add the individual touches that make you a close friend (ie embarrassing old photos, your memories of when they first met, or when she told you she was getting married). Or you could make a small donation to a charity that is of personal interest to both.

Don't get involved in any group gifts with the other bridesmaids, or extras. It is not unreasonable to be firm about your financial limit.

pelirocco

Since when did it became the right to expect a gift ?I certertainly didnt ,take note of who spent what , or even if anyone hadnt bought us a gift when we got married .
I always thought a wedding was about you sharing a special day with people who cared about you

Cimscate

Well, presumably the dress and shoes will be yours to do what you like with afterwards whether you wear them or sell on Ebay is up to you. If you all agreed on a budget for the hen party presumably you agreed to go over it as well, if not still your choice to stay in or drop out on expense grounds. Hair maybe the bride should pay for but not worth falling out about. So all in all it's your best friend, buy her a gift and hope she does the same for you when the time comes.

Pollycat

Cimscate wrote: »

Well, presumably the dress and shoes will be yours to do what you like with afterwards whether you wear them or sell on Ebay is up to you. If you all agreed on a budget for the hen party presumably you agreed to go over it as well, if not still your choice to stay in or drop out on expense grounds. Hair maybe the bride should pay for but not worth falling out about. So all in all it's your best friend, buy her a gift and hope she does the same for you when the time comes.

I've nor seen may bridesmaid dresses that I would ever have wanted to wear after the ceremony. :rotfl:

meknowalot-51

No one has said how much is to be spent on the gift,have they?Your friend,bride,is i'm sure fully aware of your financial situation,i bet you've spoken to her many times over the years about weekly income.She'll know what you can afford and after what you've all spent so far may not even be expecting anything.Here's an idea,get some old photo's together of you all and mix em up,put them in a frame,result is one inexpencive memorable gift.Remember,she chose you to help and be there on her special day,presents are not whats important.