Is a bad friend better than no friend?

pollypenny

Lose the bad friend although it will hurt at first.

I was friends for 25 years with a colleague, defending her when others called her a biatch, but I saw her other side. She does to be in control.

The final straw was when she shouted at me in public at a black tie do. Later she sent a token present to my 70th birthday do, which she couldn't attend. Living about a mile away, she could have popped in.

I've written her off now - gladly.

KxMx

I've been trying to decide what to do about a lifelong friend who hasn't contacted me since May (I last contacted her about a month later). Given how she got slower and slower (weeks) about replying to messages the eventual radio silence didn't come as a surprise.

I decided upon two options, do nothing but remain social media friends, or send a card at Christmas.

Still trying to make the final decision, this thread has been interesting.

moneyistooshorttomention

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

There's a theory that we ourselves become the average of the 5 people with whom we most often interact.

Doesn't bode well for your friend.

That may have some credence imo.

I know my best friend has had quite a "civilising" influence on me and I often find myself doing what I know she would do in same circumstances.:rotfl:

Lady_S

I went through this exact dilemma 10 years ago.

I had a friend who I adored, she was like a sister to me. But, she had a bad habit of a man and when she was with him she treated everyone else like !!!!.

Anyway, she got back with him and immediately reverted to old ways so I distanced myself for a few months. She really took exception to this and refused to have anything to do with me.

Roll on 10 years and she dies and Im sad, a couple of days I cried my heart up for the friend I lost, but, I don't regret standing up for myself, regardless of how she sold the story to everyone.

Gingernutty

A bad friend is worse than no friend at all.

You're better off deleting her from your contacts list and blocking her on social media and your phone.

Get rid.

Fireflyaway

I think you absolutely did the right thing! I actually have no friends (literally - people laugh as they think I'm being sarcastic!) And I'm perfectly happy. Having no friends at all is probably a bit extreme for most people but I'm happy this way. Enjoy your own company then if a nice person comes along fair enough, but how many friends you have isn't a measure of success or how worthy you are.

gocurlygirl

Sadly a friend of mine who appeared to be so lovely turned out to a thief -money and gift cards went from my bag when I visited or she did and she would say oh no I haven't seen them when I asked if they were there,had I dropped them in her bathroom? etc.We started to hide things like wallet,handbag etc if she came and left my bag in the boot of our car at her place.The final straw was when she stole money from my two year old daughters purse,only a couple of coins but they were definitely there then gone when she went home.I was sad but could no longer afford to be her friend,and if I see her she still wants me to visit her.
She also stole things from my neighbour at work-we did not know that she knew her as she went by a different name there and it was chance she found out, things went missing another place she worked at too but no proof.
It was a friend that was bad,yes in this case no friend would be better and I am a very sociable person

JayJay100

Oh, this rings huge bells with me! I ended up cutting a friend loose after a good fifteen years of being best friends. There are elements that I still miss, but overall, it was the right decision. It wasn't until I finally made the break that I realised how controlling she was, and how much I had been walking on egg shells, so as to not upset her; watching what I said, arranging nights out to suit her and her alone, wearing clothes that she deemed appropriate: there's quite a list there, when I think about it. I even agonised over her birthday and Christmas presents, as she was so critical if they weren't exactly right.

Never again!

NoNoDrama

Op we've all been there!

Rather than a blanket no I would say does the friend offer you anything? A better social life? Someone to talk too? Her blabbing about BS give you a nice distraction? A few laughs? Maybe you could part-time friend her but lower your expectations of what to expect. Don't invest in her too much or expect.

LameWolf

dandy-candy wrote: »

In the end I broke off our friendship. That was a year ago and I do still really miss her, albeit the old her before she changed.

Your old friend sounds like she no longer exists, from what you've said. She's the same body, but a completely different person; what you have to decide is if you really want to be friends with the "new" person she's become.