How do you share feeding times for new baby?

lush_walrus

When ours were babies I was on maternity leave and hubby was at work, so I did the night feeds. Until they settled at night he would sleep in the spare room so he had a proper nights sleep. I would have baby with me and when she woke I wojkd feed her and about 30 mins later both of us would be back off to sleep. I would change the nappy at the same time.

Personally I would have felt pretty guilty expecting the one at work to have to wake up every night. If you are on maternity you can change your routers to sleep at the same time as a baby. The one at work can not. Even with other children this is what I did, we all napped when they were at home.

One my husband did come back he would do all of the nappies and putting to bed to give me a break and on we went worked for us.

sweetilemon

I exclusively breastfed however at nights my LO sometimes needed a top up of expressed milk, my DH would get that ready for me until he went back to work then I didn't expect him to help. He woke up if I was struggling but I tried to let him get a sleep as it's a long day at work.

Timeflies

Sleep deprivation is a terrible terrible thing, and in my opinion, for any one parent to bear more than half of it over a medium term is very unfair.

Any couple is going to come to their own arrangement, sleeping in shifts, getting up together, one getting more sleep at a particularly time of day or day of the week, whatever works for them. It's important that it's decided together and one parent doesn't resent the other not pulling their weight.

Taking care of a baby, in the daytime or nighttime, is also a safety critical job.

choccielover

buel10 wrote: »

Hi all.
My wife and I are extremely lucky to have a healthy three week old baby girl. For the last two weeks we have got up during the night together - my wife breastfeeds whilst I changed the nappy and topped up with formula. However, now I'm back at work this week and I've slept in the spare room whilst my wife looks after the little one during the night as I operate machinery so we felt that this would be the safest option. That said, I feel absolutely awful that I don't do anything through the night and can't really think of an appropriate middle ground.
Please can I ask for ideas and perhaps some stories of what other couples do in this scenario?

We did exactly this.

When DH was home for 2 weeks we shared but as I BF exclusively I let him sleep and did it. He did do nappies till about 10pm and first one when he got up if DD was too but otherwise I did it.

He pitched in much more on weekends.

I was off, could stay in bed snoozing later and it wasn't critical I got good sleep unlike DH.

No resentment, I even cooked dinner each night and kept the house clean (after the first few weeks were over with....we practically were eating off paper plates during those fun days :rotfl:) which if you knew me you'd die laughing about. I'm the most career oriented, least domestic person you can imagine, but hey, I was on mat leave and that's what it's for!

Be supportive, grateful and happy with your new bundle of joy

Kynthia

My OH wanted to do some of the night feeds and I let him. Yes it's hard going to work tired but so is looking after a baby and recovering from pregnancy and the labour. Plus our first didn't nap more than 40 mins once or twice a day which didn't allow time for me to nap, and I couldn't sleep when the second baby napped as our toddler needed looking after.

OP you can help ease the load in different ways so see what works for you both. Do night feeds on your days off or get up with the baby to allow your partner a lay-in. Perhaps get up with the baby for a bit before you leave for work (nappy change and feed if bittle fed) or do the evening time so your partner can sleep a bit then. When you come in from work make her a tea and take the baby so that she gets a break as she's probably been waiting for you to get back, but make sure each of you gets some 'me' time. Hopefully the number of night wakings will reduce in a couple of months but if they don't then don't be afraid to ask for help. Would family be willing to pop round and entertain the baby fit a couple of hours while one, or both, of you has a nap? Get them to bring a dinner round too.

sooty&sweep

Hi

My husband did the last feed & I did the night feeds.

He had to get up for work I didn't.

At the weekend he did some of the night feeds or the first feed so I got a lie in.

Do what works for you both

Jen

penguingirl

My 5 month is exclusively breastfed and refuses a bottle so it's all me on the night shift! I've not had more than a 4 hour stretch of sleep since he was born. OH is much better able to support me in the day if he has had sleep, so he has spent a lot of time in the spare room! But if DS is crying he will come to support me/take baby away from me for a bit so I can sleep. If I've had a bad night OH will often take baby 6930/7-9 so I can sleep. Or at the weekend let me have a nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

For those who say mums can rest when baby does- this is good in theory, but not in practice. Babies often sleep for 30-45 min chunks in the day, and would much rather sleep in your arms/a sling/a pram/a car seat. If you do get to put baby down you use the time to have a shower, get dressed, eat etc. I can't remember the last time I was able to nap when baby did unless we co-slept and had a nap together

AndyBSG

If your wife is breastfeeding then there's not really too much you can do.

With our first child I had the same situation. It was pretty exhausting for my wife because our first one was a very good feeder, every 3-4 hours without fail and feeding for 30 minutes at a time.

For our second we made some changes which i'm sure a lot of the pro breastfeeding brigade won't agree with but it worked perfectly for us.

Around 2200-2300 we would make this feed formula and I would do the feed, meaning my wife was already tucked up in bed for a couple of hours at this point catching up on much needed rest.

The benefit of formula is that it generally keeps them fuller for longer so after the formula feed our LO would go for quite a bit longer before the next feed.

This meant my wife got a good 6 hours or so of uninterrupted sleep before being woken for the first feed of the day(At weekends we sometimes also made the first feed of the day formula so I could do that as well and my wife could get a lay in).

Looking back we're both kicking ourselves we didn't do this first time around.

My wife actually enjoyed the first few months of our second one's life a lot more as she wasn't constantly exhausted, I got to help out a bit more, she was less tired and irritable so our relationship didn't suffer as much and LO was still getting plenty of breastmilk, it was just supplemented with a bit of formula.

There's also the option of your wife expressing milk for feeds so you can take over(My wife tried this but really hated expressing it)

All in all, a win/win situation

ska_lover

Comms69 wrote: »

To be frank, and it may be unpopular, but this is why maternity leave exists. Mum rests when baby rests.


.

Completely agree

Fireflyaway

Congratulations!
My husband didn't do any night stuff. I breastfed and he was working all sorts of shifts so he slept. the way we saw it was we were both 'working' just in different ways and there didn't seem much point in both of us being up.
I think a nice gesture would be to do the bedtime routine? I bet you do anyway! You sound very considerate. To be honest newborns sleep so much its possible to get cleaning done / have a bath / get a quick nap etc so I think right now your wife will be OK. Once your baby is toddling about is when she will appreciate your help with shopping or entertaining the little one while she has a rest / bath etc.