Breaking up before finishing unpacking

antilles

Just to echo previous advice, don't move out, whatever you do. My brother was in a similar situation, he and his GF bought a house; she couldn't get a mortgage on her own; they broke up not long after. For an easy life, he moved out. She changed the locks and low and lo and behold, moved a new boyfriend in 3 months later. 8 years later he's still on the mortgage, trying to get his name off the house, and unable to buy anything else in the meantime. A very expensive mistake.

It sounds cynical but this may have been her plan all along, it seems very odd that it happened only a month in, she must have been thinking about it for a while.

Red-Squirrel_2

I think some posters are being incredibly uncharitable towards the OP's ex. Surely its far more likely that she was swept up in the process of getting the house, tried to put her doubts aside, and then realised once they'd moved in that it wasn't going to work? This is a 4 year relationship after all, with both of them at some point not that long ago thinking they would be getting married and spending the rest of their lives together.

If this was a cunning plan to get a house it wasn't a very well thought out plan!

OP, don't be goaded into becoming adversarial with your partner by strangers on the internet. If you are talking and managing to cooperate on getting things sorted that stands you in better stead than spoiling for a fight or making accusations.

Mojisola

Radiskull wrote: »

I have just purchased a first home with my fiancee, we have a joint mortgage which I was happy to enter into as we've lived together for 4 years prior and we were looking forward to our next chapter.

We haven't even been in there a month and she's dropped the bombshell of wanting to completely separate.

She would like to keep the house

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I think some posters are being incredibly uncharitable towards the OP's ex. Surely its far more likely that she was swept up in the process of getting the house, tried to put her doubts aside, and then realised once they'd moved in that it wasn't going to work?

OP, don't be goaded into becoming adversarial with your partner by strangers on the internet. If you are talking and managing to cooperate on getting things sorted that stands you in better stead than spoiling for a fight or making accusations.

If this is really the situation, then she should be willing to go the extra mile to sort things out - she's the one wanting to break up; she should be trying her best to make sure the OP isn't left in a difficult financial situation.

Expecting him to leave so that she continues to enjoy the new house while he is still responsible for the mortgage doesn't show much good faith.

Radiskull

Some really helpful points being made here, thank you all very much. I thought the stressful part was over once we got the keys - how wrong I was! As I said, we're as amicable as you can be considering the situation. I intend to stay put until everything is worked out, we're just staying in seperate rooms and trying to make the best out of a horrible situation. The more I think about it, I'm leaning towards pursuing the option of buying her out. My knee-jerk reaction was to just let her buy me out and walk away but then I would be stuck having to start from scratch. I know she has a few credit card debts which may go against her whereas I have zero debts but a slightly lower basic wage.

TBagpuss

As others have said, don't move out until you have an agreement in place and have had that agreement properly drawn up by a solicitor.

It's unlikely that either of you will be able to get the other off the mortgage in the immediate short term - you'd need to satisfy the mortgage lender that you could afford it alone, and on your current incomes, it sounds as though that would be pushing it it.

If you were to sell at this stage, by the time you've paid all the legal and agnets costs and your ERC you would probably end up being out of pocket.

One option would be to have a formal agreement which provided for a timescale for you to buy her out and made provision to sell if you could not buy her ouw within the time agreed - e.g. that you have 12 months, on the basis that the hosue will be sold if you are unable to release her from the mortgage within that time, and specific provisions for who pays for what, and what % of the house value you pay her on sale or transfer of the house. It's likey that it would be fair to say you would pay her 50% of the equity and that you would pay the mortgage and other outgoings - efectively you pay 'her half' of the mortgage by way of rent for occupying the house.

If she wants to buy you out, you have the same arrangemetn in reverse - a deadline for her to get your name off the mortgage and pay you, and a fixed % of the house value when it does sell / at the ate she buys you out (i.e.she doesn't get to say 'the deposit was £10,000 so you get £5,000, if you don't get it until this time next year, by which time the house may be worth more )

A delay of (say) 2 months means that whichever of you stays gets to show the lender they can manage the mortgage payments alone, and voids the issue of selling / remortgaging too soon after buying, which can make it hard to get a mortgage because it triggers money-laundering concerns.

Alternatively of course, if either of you has family who can help out, one of you may be able to get a smaller mortgage and pay the other sooner.

paddycharlie

Some people had suggested renting the house out but given the 5% deposit it is highly unlikely that the bank will allow you to switch to a BTL mortgage which can require a much larger deposit %.


Good luck with everything. I have been in a similar situation in the past so hope you can get it sorted quickly and fairly

Gorgeous_George

westernpromise wrote: »

It could be worse - you could be married.

Divorce is cheap. The financial commitment is much more hassle and significantly more expensive to escape.

Just don't have kids with her. Ever.

Been there, done that.

GG

HampshireH

I didn't buy with my ex but rented through a friend of mine. We split up 2 months after we moved in. My decision and I felt awful. There wasn't anyone else but I reloaded very quickly when we moved that we couldn't live together. It was just a sad situation. No rows etc.

Anyway my 'LL didn't want to rent to him and he couldn't afford to anyway. Sadly neither could he afford to me. 4 months later I practically had to kick him out as despite saying he was saving to rent elsewhere he saved just £200!

It was ok to start with but it became quite challenging towards the end as he would come home she I had my sister over & just sit between us on the sofa and put the TV on.

My point is Living together but separately can work. Just make sure you have a plan and set a timescale.

G_M

Gorgeous_George wrote: »

Just don't have kids with her. Ever.

Been there, done that.

Wow! Are you the reason she's leaving him then?

Gorgeous_George

The fact is that the OP cannot sell the house without his ex gf's agreement. He is jointly and severally liable for the mortgage whether he remains in the property or not.

It is serious.

Get professional help. Keep her 'friendly' as you need her to agree to the course if action that you decide upon. She will almost certainly be guided by a vicious solicitor or her thickest friends. Keep records of conversations, keep emails and texts. Copy Facebook comments.

The financial separation may go smoothly but protect yourself.

If you feel the need for revenge, your own happiness and success will ensure that. Keep smiling.

GG