Breaking up before finishing unpacking

Fiesto88

Radiskull wrote: »

The house is worth £105,000. We earn roughly the same (both around £23k basic) but she is due a £5k per year pay increase in the coming months. With regards to the wedding savings, they're nonexistent as we wanted to focus on the house first!

So, with a 95% mortgage, she’d be right on the borderline of being able to pass maximum salary multiples checks for most lenders, even with the pay increase. Are you aware of any credit cards/hire purchases/loans etc that she has in her sole name? If she has none, it might pass affordability checks. With more added, it seems it might be tight.

Sarastro

As said, vital not to move out until legally sorted (not just an agreement verbally between you). You should find a solicitor to help you. Essentially, she has to buy you out, or you her. I would explore the option of her buying you out as quickly as possible. Don't agree to any suggestion that you move out now and she will buy out later when she gets her pay rise. If she can afford it somehow, get it drawn up legally and get on with it. If not, then speak to your solicitor about selling the house. Don't let things drag out for months and months. Good luck - must have been a completely shock for you - I hope it works out.

G_M

Several bits of good advice above, so to emphasise them:

* do not move out till it's resolved. That does not mean wait till you agree a way forward, but wait till it's legally implemented.

There are too many cases here of people stuck owning a property, and owing a mortgage, not living there, and unable to start again.

* Ideally either you buy her out if you can (and get a lodger?), or she buys you out, and you get your deposit back. You can then rebuild you life

* she planned this. If you were naive lovers moving in together for the first time, I might believe she suddenly realised living with you was not the same as 'going out' with you, and was not working. But you've been living together for 4 years. The only difference is the house. Which she has had her her eyes on.

* so to repeat - don't move out.

* selling is an option, but as others have said, neither of you will get any money - any equity will go in early redemption fees, estate agents fees, legal fees etc In fact it might cost you to sell.

But at least there will be a clean break, which is preferable to you moving out leaving her there, but with you still a joint - owner and joint morgagee, which could remain the position for years to come.

Jenniefour

Are your ex's parents in a position to help her with some funds to get a mortgage?

If it turns out that your ex can't get a mortgage in her own name then it may be best to consider selling (when you can e.g. after 6 months or so) and take the hit on finances. At least you will be able to get on with your life without the ties caused by the house/mortgage. Which can cause problems, and there are many posts on here about that kind of situation.

For example, when you want to buy another property you might well find that you can't, or that what you can borrow is considerably reduced because of your liability for this mortgage. A lot can change in five years.

DigForVictory

+1 for for sit tight until all is nailed down by (expensive) solicitors etc.

I knew moving house was stressful but this has to be one of the more painful versions.

Out of curiosity, just how shocked and distressed are her parents at her news? Enough to reach into their savings to help their darling girl?

Do not get gallant. Get smart - get serious legal advice pronto even if you live on Aldi super 6 vegetables & multivite for a few months.

Cakeguts

Try to make sure that you have legal advice about what to do if you she tries to make you leave by changing the locks or implying that you have attacked her.

About-time

Not the same scenario, but I split up with my ex a few years ago, and decided not to push for all thatI could have, due to just wanting to get out, have a clean break, and start again, and also from feeling guilty about leaving her in the lurch (even though she made the initial decision to split), as she earned less, would struggle to afford the bills, etc.


Hence I came out of it with almost nothing, and really struggled to start again. Five years later I'm still paying stuff off from that period of time.


Make sure you do not do this! It's hard to make decisions when everything is raw, but you went in 50/50, you need to come out of it 50/50.

Maximum_Saving

If she wishes to take on the mortgage her earnings will have to be enough for the bank or building society. I have recent experience of paying a mortgage over the last seven years. I took out a 25 year mortgage in 2010. I changed it in 2012 to 10 years. In the years following that time it has been very difficult to change my mortgage. If I wanted to leave my 5 year fixed mortgage I would have to pay an exit fee of 5 percent. So I overpaid my mortgage and finally paid it off in June 2017. I had to pay fees to do this.

Crashy_Time

Radiskull wrote: »

We are talking as amicably as can be expected. I'm still in shock to be honest. If there was any doubt in my mind about the relationship I wouldn't have gone past the viewing stage of buying a house. We have been 50/50 with costs since the beginning. It's hard not to think that this could have been her plan all along.

Exactamundo! Time for her to pack her cases, tell her you are not budging, get a lodger/mate staying ASAP for moral support.

melanzana

Why should you leave?

Simple question really. Stay there until she either buys you out or the property is sold. If not enough bedrooms for separate sleeping arrangements, get a sofa bed for the living room.

Do not move out or sign over anything until your legal advisor has ok'd it.

It might not make for a pleasant environment, but I think it is far too early in the process of house buying for you to just say OK madam, here are my keys, let me know how much I owe you!

Stay put please. And get legal advice. Will be the best money you have ever spent in this sad process.