Considering separation from Disabled partner

sheramber

The OP hasn't said how much his wife is restricted but

what happens when the children need taking or collected from nursery, school, parties etc. Will a carer do that?

Who will take a child to the doctor or nurse them when they are ill- will a carer do that?

When I started school at 5 year sold. My mother was in hospital and my father was working ( he was a teacher in the next town).
We were living with my grandparents and my grandmother took me to school.
I can still remember how horrible it felt to be the only child who didn't have a mummy with them.

Maybe not something big to an adult but it was very big to me as a 5 year old.

Bath_cube

I don't have a problem with this man realising there is no future in the relationship, that's life unfortunately. However I don't like his icy cold callousness.

Red-Squirrel_2

sheramber wrote: »

Who will take a child to the doctor or nurse them when they are ill- will a carer do that?

No, certainly not one employed by an agency. It would be outside the terms of their employment and not covered by their insurance etc.

If the OP leaves and takes no further part in the day to day running of the household/family then they will need to employ somebody to meet the children's needs too, as well as his wife's. A nanny or au pair, with relief cover planned for when they have holidays/sickness/days off.

peachyprice

sheramber wrote: »

The OP hasn't said how much his wife is restricted but

what happens when the children need taking or collected from nursery, school, parties etc. Will a carer do that?

Who will take a child to the doctor or nurse them when they are ill- will a carer do that?

When I started school at 5 year sold. My mother was in hospital and my father was working ( he was a teacher in the next town).
We were living with my grandparents and my grandmother took me to school.
I can still remember how horrible it felt to be the only child who didn't have a mummy with them.

Maybe not something big to an adult but it was very big to me as a 5 year old.

The same person who is doing it now when OP is travelling for work.

chesky

peachyprice wrote: »

The same person who is doing it now when OP is travelling for work.

The person who is doing it now - who I seem to remember is a relative - has given notice and will be leaving soon. I suspect this may have been what brought matters to a head.

Red-Squirrel_2

chesky wrote: »

The person who is doing it now - who I seem to remember is a relative - has given notice and will be leaving soon. I suspect this may have been what brought matters to a head.

If I recall correctly, several family members have found it too much and had to stop.

Morglin

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I was certainly nodding in agreement with this paragraph - and would add that it's not just "ambitious" people that would find such situations a lot harder to deal with than many. Those of a more "determined"/perfectionist temperament - ie that have made up their minds what constitutes a normal life and will always be doing whatever they can to achieve that "normal" life - are likely to continue striving for it permanently at some level (even if it's not a "high-powered" life as a CEO of a large organisation or leader of a country - but just an "ordinary little life in the street" that is what they had in mind anyway). They still want/will strive for that "ordinary little life in the street" - rather than "fate" deciding their life for them.

I don’t think it’s predictable, nor can be categorised - any progressive illness, which is liable to deteriorate, as many do, does have to bring with it a whole new realism.

Needing help to use the loo or bath is not a life cheering moment.

It takes a time, which varies, for anyone to adjust to their life not panning out to what they had thought. Depression etc. are normal reactions.

Add hospitals, tests, loss of or reduced income, change in family/couple dynamics to the mix and you have massive stress. You do adjust, because you have to.

I have ‘fought’ my diseases for years, fairly successfully, but there are still days when I ‘mourn’ the life I wanted, my career, my independence, as does my husband, who is also disabled. I’m positive, but still have bad days, where I would cheerfully end it all.

However, we are fortunate because our kids are all adult, and we have the funds to buy help we need, without involving social services (another stress inducing saga).

I suggested the OP contact one of the support groups because they have (usually) personal experience of the whole thing, and I hope he does that.

Lin 😊