Considering separation from Disabled partner

moneyistooshorttomention

takethemon wrote: »

It appears to be all about you.
Those little children didn't ask to be bought into this world.

Ahem....we still dont know whether it was a mutual decision to have those children or just one made by the wife.

If it was her decision alone - its her responsibility.

It's low tactics to try guilt-tripping OP.

annandale

Are you seriously trying to suggest if this man didn't want kids that he has zero responsibility towards his kids?

And ahem. If he really didn't want kids he could have had a vasectomy. Particularly after child number one came along if he really didn't want another.

It's appalling that anyone could suggest that he should have no responsibility towards his kids if he didn't want them.

He is their father for God's sake. They have a relationship with him.

FBaby

I don't think OP has said anywhere that he didn't want his kids let alone that he didn't want to have any responsibility for them!

System

If it was her decision alone - its her responsibility.

No its not.

-taff

spirit wrote: »

BIB - still not considering things from your wife's POV?.

Yes, because every time I've ended a relationship, I went to them immediately I had the first thought about it. They obviously then discussed it in a calm and ratiional manner and we came to a mutual decision without any anger or anything like that.

Yes. I'm being sarcastic.

Honestly OP, once you've made the decision the leave, nothing much is going to make you stay no matter how many times you try to be a 'better' person.
The love is gone, the love is gone. I know no-one and have personal experience of it never rekindling no matter steps have been taken.


Although you will have to dicuss it sooner or later.

Pollycat

-taff wrote: »

Although you will have to dicuss it sooner or later.

And given what the OP said in the extracts from his first post below - the sooner the better.

Westminster wrote: »

I have been unhappy in our relationship for quite some time although have made several attempts to force myself to change my feelings / views but I have been unable to do so.

I am finding the physical and emotional demands of helping you meet your daily needs too difficult and it is making me very depressed. However I am not ‘blaming’ you for this - I just feel that we have grown apart in the same way many ‘normal’ couples would, we just have an extra dynamic. In all honesty, if it were not for your MS, I would probably have left several years ago so I really have tried hard to make this work.

While I still have affection for you and do care what happens to you moving forward, I have not felt love for a long time and have felt somewhat trapped by our situation and your condition as I would otherwise have probably done something about this a few years ago.

No amount of soul-searching or back-tracking is going to change how the OP feels.

pipkin71

pearl123 wrote: »

The children are highly likely to suffer long term psychological damage. (I absolutely agree with the earlier poster who stated this.)
I feel I can make this statement, as I was a parentified child to a needy/disabled mother.

I am the mother of two children, who have taken on a caring responsibility from a young age, due to my disabilities. Neither of them are psychologically damaged adults.

Being a young carer is a difficult job, granted but that does not automatically mean that every young carer is highly likely to be affected psychologically.

pearl123

pipkin71 wrote: »

I am the mother of two children, who have taken on a caring responsibility from a young age, due to my disabilities. Neither of them are psychologically damaged adults.

Being a young carer is a difficult job, granted but that does not automatically mean that every young carer is highly likely to be affected psychologically.

Have you ever asked them if they resented the fact that they became a carer?

It would be fair to say that children accept the roles that they are given.

pipkin71

pearl123 wrote: »

Have you ever asked them if they resented the fact that they became a carer?

It would be fair to say that children accept the roles that they are given.

We've discussed it a few times and had a discussion today, based on this thread. Neither of them resent the fact, although we all agreed it would have been much better if they had never been in that position.

The most difficult times for them, were during my hospital stays. They found that harder to deal with than me being at home.

I would add, that they had a lot of support from outside agencies, and maybe that made a difference to how they felt about being young carers. Perhaps it is harder, if there is no outside support and the children are isolated.

Red-Squirrel_2

pipkin71 wrote: »

I am the mother of two children, who have taken on a caring responsibility from a young age, due to my disabilities. Neither of them are psychologically damaged adults.

Being a young carer is a difficult job, granted but that does not automatically mean that every young carer is highly likely to be affected psychologically.

Psychologically damaged is a bit strong and sounds very accusatory, but I think it would be fair to say that children who are young carers for their parents are definitely affected by it. It does have an impact and they do have a different experience of childhood and growing up and family life than children who don't have caring responsibilities.

Especially when the disabled parent is the only parent who is around all the time, and one is absent a lot as will be the case with these children.