Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my ex's mum back?

Laundrylily

Pay it back. Simples!

happyinflorida

The dilemma doesn't say how long ago this was.

Do you still have the correct address for your ex's mum?

Have you got her phone number?

Try phoning first and talking to her about it.

If you cannot ring then write giving her your phone number and explain that you'd like to pay this back and explain why.

Hopefully you will hear back but if you don't, then don't lose any sleep over it as you've done all you can.

If you still feel bad, then give the money to the WRAS - it's a charity that helps wildlife and rescues them and gives them vet treatment if needed and nurses them back to health and releases them if possible, back into the wild - usually where they were found, unless it is unsafe to do so, then nearby!

Lwsi

The correct term is 'reneging '. In the 21st century, words that are derogatory to anyone of any race, belief or sexual orientation are unacceptable, especially on a public forum.

ThePants999

I guess I'm a bit more mercenary than most? I'd repay the amount minus what the ex owed, and tell the mother to collect the rest from the ex. Or I'd tell the mum that I'd repay, after getting repaid by the ex, and enlist her help in making that happen. Pragmatically, those are the only ways everyone's getting repaid - the ex's debt will never be repaid if the mum's is paid off first.

ladymay

I was in a similar situation years ago - my ex's parent lent me several thousand pounds for schooling and helping us get set up in a house. When we broke up I made an agreement with his parents to pay back every penny I owed them (minus his half of the housing money).

Nothing was written down, and I think in all honesty they may have just written it off as a bad experience. But if you're in a position to make this right, you need to do the right thing. It's as much for your own peace of mind as anything else.

About-time

I have been in a similar position to you, and have had a similar dilemma.


Five years ago, I split up with my ex. I had about £3600 in an ISA that my father-in-law had transferred to me to pay for planned home improvements that never took place.


With the best will in the world, the end of the relationship was sudden and came when I was not financially ready, and unfortunately the money was spent on moving expenses, buying furniture etc etc - it was a bad time for me.


He didn't hassle me for the money, but a short while later, politely enquired about getting it back. I did consider the moral and legal implications, and although the money had been given to me, and had in fact been sat in my ISA for years before being spent (so I don't know if legally he could have touched me as we did nothing official?), the moral side of it was nagging at me, so I set up a monthly standing order to pay him back.


The standing order is still running, but the end is in sight. When it is finally finished, I am sure I will feel better for having paid my dues, and that a door will have been closed in as positive a way as possible. Regardless of my grievances with my ex, I have no beef with her father, who was always good to me. I would think the OP is in a similar position.

smala01

Its an incredibly small world, and it never ceases to amaze me how paths cross. Many people consider NOT replaying owed money as very, very low and word does get around.

Morally there is no question that money should be returned. Find a way.

Ebenezer_Screwj

I am wondering why she's not chasing you for this debt? Send her a cheque and it's up to her whether or not she presents it for payment.

JayD

Why do you need to contact her and ask her?
Why don't you just send her a cheque for the amount you owe with a covering thank you letter?

If she doesn't want it, she wont cash it.

Contacting her to 'ask' just puts her in the position of having to communicate with you - which might be something she has promised her daughter never to do.

Just pay up!