Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my ex's mum back?

elizabethhull

The perceived financial situation of the lender is immaterial;
in any case her circumstances may have changed dramatically.

Yes, you should definitely try and contact her again. I agree that some modern bank accounts don't have cheque facilities, but it's a bit like the generational divide between mobiles & landlines. If she has a landline, she can probably bank cheques !

If someone is kind enough to help out when you need the money, you should always (in my opinion) make every effort to repay them when you can.

meknowalot-51

Pay her back,thats the only decent thing to do.She helped you out when you needed it and now your in a position to return what you owe.As for your ex owing you money,thats a seperate issue and her mum doesn't need to know,you could move on and put the 3-400 down to experiance and write it off.There's a good chance her mum could have done exactly that with you and the 1000.I suggest you take a friend with you to go and see her mum and give her the money.Explain briefly your financial situation and you hadn't forgoten the loan,be nice,polite and move on.She sounds like a nice woman who deserves to be treated with some respect.

Hol55

Morally, it's pretty easy to say you should at least try. If you can't get hold of her or she ignores you then you've done what you could. You can't control what she does or doesn't think of you, so put that from your mind.

Legally, it doesn't say whether the contract was written or verbal. If you don't pay it back and she eventually decided to go the legal route, she'd have a difficult time enforcing a verbal loan agreement unless you were honest and copped to there being one. (Of course I'd hope you would, it's the right thing to do). If it's in writing and there were clauses relating to the event of non-payment etc, you might find yourself getting stung for unnecessary interest or damages.

I would send her a recorded letter reminding her that the loan is outstanding and requesting her details for repayment. All the better if you can offer the entire sum upfront, but if not then set out a reasonable payment schedule. Do your best to ensure you have the most up to date address you can get for her. If she comes back to you then great, it'll be all sorted. If she doesn't but then later pursues you for the money you'll have evidence that you tried to reach her.

lilia_fellini

The loan (interest free, I imagine) was between your ex's mom and you. Your ex was not involved in this agreement, so your break up should no be affecting whether you should repay or not.
It was kind of her to help and it was kind of her not to demand the money back when you were unwell and in no position to pay.
Whether she is well off or not should have no bearing on your repayments either.
I would contact her and set up a standing order you are comfortable with until you repay the money.
Chances though, she will not want that money back if you are lucky, however, it's her decision to make.

REJP

What is the problem? You owe it, so send her a cheque. Simple.

[Deleted User]

Ask her to produce a credit agreement.

If she can't, tell her it's unenforceable and then make a mis selling complaint and demand compensation.

She may also have sold you PPI so chuck that in there too.

gloriouslyhappy

It's good that you made a previous effort to repay this kind person who generously lent you money when you were in need - now make another effort and then you can move on with a clear conscience. As Philfuller posted, send a recorded letter asking for details of how to repay the loan, and state in the letter that if you haven't heard back within a specified reasonable time period you will donate this sum to charity. Then if the letter is delivered properly but you don't get an answer, make the donation and send a second recorded letter with the details of the donation.

The fact the ex owes you money is irrelevant in terms of this loan.

gloriouslyhappy

roubiliac wrote: »

Even considering welching on your debt suggests you already are!

There's no question of 'welshing on the debt', the poster already made an attempt to repay it. Read the post again - what's wanted is advice on whether or not to try again given that the lender did not respond to the borrower's first attempt at repayment.

astroL

You borrowed the money, you must pay it back. Do the decent thing.

Lawrence

newwiseman

If someone lent you money in good faith, unless they specifically are saying they don't want it back, their personal circumstances or wealth is irrelevant. If you are even thinking about not paying it back that amounts to considering theft by deception.