Birthday celebrations - paying for own meal

CRANKY40

£40 for what's on offer sounds like an awful lot. For my 50th earlier this year, I discussed a few ideas with friends. A lot of them have youngish children so would have had to pay babysitters for an evening meal. I'm not good with gatherings anyway so I would have spent the whole day dreading it. We opted instead for an "eat as much as you like" breakfast in a local carvery. I was in a good mood so I paid and it cost roughly £65 for 11 of us. I didn't expect any presents and told my friends that, but I did get some which was nice, and after we'd all finished we were free to go about our usual daily "stuff". It was actually a good laugh, and good value for money too.

pearl123

I opted for a picnic instead for my 50th. It took the pressure of everyone, including myself.

I found a beautiful spot for the picnic with a magnificent view. They all brought picnic bites.

The following day everyone emailed or phoned to say that they just love it.

It might become a tradition.
If my birthday was in winter I'd try and think of something, along the same lines which didn't cost too much.

Fireflyaway

I think its rude to 'invite' friends then expect them to pay, no matter what the cost. If your friend wants a get together you could all meet for a drink on a casual basis or go to her house for drinks and snacks. Whoever shows up if its outside pays for their own drink or if you go to hers take a bottle. That seems fair. Not a meal though. You shouldn't engineer a get together that is going to cost other people. They might not be able to afford it or just not want to spend that much. As for the actual price you mention, £40 does seem steep. Our works Christmas meal is £19.95 per head if that gives you an idea.

bertiewhite

Jellyb wrote: »

My friend is planning her birthday celebrations. (50 at the start of the year.) She said she would like to go to a restaurant hotel with a private room/space where she could host a meal.

How good a friend is she? If she's your best friend then why not volunteer to arrange it for her? That way you can try and get a cheaper deal (or not as the case may be).

If she's not that good a friend then just don't go.

This rather reminds me of the Moral dilemma thread about the Bride expecting her guests to pay for the hen night.

FBaby

My lot wouldn’t bat an eye as they just like being out with each other - we always make the most of whatever the situation and make sure we enjoy ourselves. The reaction to this would be - hmm looks like the menu is a bit iffy - maybe a bit pricey but we’re out together, we’ll find a way to make it a rocking good night and that the birthday girl has a night to remember

But that's the point you enjoy yourself, so it's not just about making the birthday person happy, it's also about paying to have fun.

I personally don't enjoy these kinds of gathering, actually quite dread them, so that would be £40 to do something I don't want to do. I would do it for someone I'm closed to, not for someone who isn't.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

But that's the point you enjoy yourself, so it's not just about making the birthday person happy, it's also about paying to have fun.

I personally don't enjoy these kinds of gathering, actually quite dread them, so that would be £40 to do something I don't want to do. I would do it for someone I'm closed to, not for someone who isn't.

I'm not even sure I'd do it for someone I'm close to.
It's not the sort of thing I'd arrange for my birthday so wouldn't feel obligated to accept such an invitation.

Relationships with our friends are pretty relaxed.
We go out and if we bump into them, we'll have a great time.
Very few specific arrangements.
Sometimes somebody will suggest a meal, that will be somewhere we are all happy with and the bill will be split equally between all the couples.

Perhaps the differences of opinion is because of the difference in what each of us class as friendships.

pjcox2005

Why is nobody concerned about the hedgehogs? What if they don't want to be adopted? Do they have to move area, have a curfew on bedtime etc. It's a live changing event for them.

sheramber

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I'm not sure I feel the same.

I think the line between an invitation to a party and a birthday dinner celebration is blurred.

For the party invitation, I'd expect to pay but dinner in a restaurant with close friends tends towards a different thing. Where's the line?

For example, if I go out with a friend out for a birthday meal, I don't automatically expect her to pick up my tab. It's her birthday so why should I be the one getting treated even if the place was her idea? If she offers, great, but I'm expecting to go Dutch or even pay for her.
At this point I would not be a good friend if I said I had better things to spend my money on, so pony up girlfriend.

But at what exact point does multiple friends become a party that she's now expected to pay for?
If there's two friends are we still treating her, going Dutch or is she now expected to pay for our company? How about 3 or 5?

Where's the line?

If I paid for a friend's birthday meal I would not be giving a present as well. The meal would be my gift and I would have invited her.

If she invited me I would expect her to be paying although I my offer payment.

heartbreak_star

Unsure if it's a Northern thing, but whenever I've gone out for a friend's birthday we always pay for our own food...

HBS x

Izadora

Whether there are 2 or 20 of us going out for a meal for someone's birthday we all pay for our own food. There are a couple of groups of friends where we'll split the cost of the birthday person's share between us too.

I have had some truly horrendous, and majorly overpriced, meals over the years but it doesn't really matter because it's not like bad food stops me celebrating a friend's birthday.