Why is he ignoring me?

Pollycat

Citygirl1 wrote: »

My annoyance eased early in the year when he told me that his partner was suffering with cancer, I felt sorry for him then and for her and felt kind of guilty for having got annoyed.

Has it ever occurred to you that he might have more important things on his mind than keeping in touch with you?

Loanranger wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but someone needs to be!

I think most of the replies have been blunt.
I'm not sure the OP is ready to listen though.

Robisere

32 years ago I had not met and subsequently married my lovely, loving wife. I was with a clingy, jealous woman and you actually sound a lot like her.

That one almost drove me crazy, which you may be in danger of doing to this guy. And I am a bit older now than your 56 years, but I believe I have learned from mistakes made. Perhaps that's what you need to do, but the warning flags for me, besides what appears like an obsession with someone who obviously does not want you, are the 2 previous marriages.

Citygirl1

Robisere wrote: »

32 years ago I had not met and subsequently married my lovely, loving wife. I was with a clingy, jealous woman and you actually sound a lot like her.

That one almost drove me crazy, which you may be in danger of doing to this guy. And I am a bit older now than your 56 years, but I believe I have learned from mistakes made. Perhaps that's what you need to do, but the warning flags for me, besides what appears like an obsession with someone who obviously does not want you, are the 2 previous marriages.

I am in no way jealous or obsessed and I don't feel my previous two marriages have got anything to do with it. These days lots of marriages break up in case you didn't realise.

I would hardly call myself jealous and clingy when, for the past goodness knows how many years, this bloke has persued me. He has texted me wanting to come round and see me, usually at daft o'clock at night when I've had to put him off because of my need to get some sleep and get to work in the morning. If I was clingy etc etc I would have jumped through hoops to let him come over and would have foregone my night's sleep just to have him there.

I am an independent woman who doesn't need a man to be happy or complete, I am just confused about why this bloke is shunning me for no reason after all these years.

I guess its easy for you to be smug now you are with a loving lovely woman! I am pleased for you, don't get me wrong but don't judge my situation, least of all my two failed marriages.

Citygirl1

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

You're right, the girl is heartbroken.
She's been emotionally invested in this relationship for decades.
Then there's the nostalgia effect and the unfinished star-crossed romantic story that should have a happy ending otherwise what have all these years for?

No wonder she's still trapped in it all.
It's got to be hard to walk away from all this.

The guy hasn't closed it finally and nicely, he's just ghosted her and left her hanging, as he always has.

I get that he's tried to get his message across before but he's known her for half their lives, he has cared for her on some level, he's got to know how much this shunning is hurting her even if he thinks it's for the best. I guess we don't know his side of the story but even so, seems a bit cruel.

Thank you, someone who understands! As you say he has not closed it. We haven't had an argument, he hasn't told me he no longer wants contact, if that were the case I could accept it and move on, its just left hanging in the air.

Thanks for understanding.

pearl123

It's sounds like you ended up being a bit on the side for both the married man and your former ex. Or have I gained the wrong impression?

Why would you want to meddle in your ex's relationship by trying to contact him?
Who would do that to another woman? Only to be blunt, a very selfish one.

OP you're a middle aged women. At 57 I presume you have hit the menopause. Isn't the menopause about evolving and moving on to the next stage in your life? You sound like you are in your twenties or early thirties.

I actually do have some sympathy. It is so hard letting go of someone you cared about, especially when one remembers them from one's younger years.
The fact that your ex is displaying himself on facebook as part of a couple speaks volumes.
Leave them be.
If you ex was so important you wouldn't have been with the married man for 9 years!
By the way if you feel you have been used you probably have!

meer53

You're the one who is keeping things hanging in the air. Forget him and move on, i have to agree, for 56 you do sound a bit like my teenage daughter.

Primrose

Perhaps your long term friend's partner is now in a more serious situation with her cancer and your friend can't cope with the distraction of trying to support her and keep any sort of relationship with you going.
I think the fact that yiu were in a relationship with a married man for nine years has obviously had an impact on him and his feelings towards you.

Of course you are upset and angry but the way things have always been between you, i.e. Him never wanting to do things as a couple should have suggested that he was never truly very serious in the first place. It's easy to put our own interpretation of events onto any given situation but I'd just now accept that this relationship and even your friendship has run its course and try to move on.

leslieknope

your desire for him gave him a nice ego boost which he wanted to keep, even if he had a relationship. he felt desired and like a big man. now he doesn't need your attention.

move on and forget him.

Pollycat

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

You're right, the girl is heartbroken.
She's been emotionally invested in this relationship for decades.
Then there's the nostalgia effect and the unfinished star-crossed romantic story that should have a happy ending otherwise what have all these years for?

No wonder she's still trapped in it all.
It's got to be hard to walk away from all this.

The guy hasn't closed it finally and nicely, he's just ghosted her and left her hanging, as he always has.

I get that he's tried to get his message across before but he's known her for half their lives, he has cared for her on some level, he's got to know how much this shunning is hurting her even if he thinks it's for the best. I guess we don't know his side of the story but even so, seems a bit cruel.

I think a sense of perspective is required here.
Heartbroken? Really?

I'd be heartbroken if my relationship - with the same man continuously over the last 32 years - ended, whether it be through divorce or death.

The OP was girlfriend to this bloke over 30 years ago for an undefined period.

It sounds like he has used her in the past for his own purposes, whether that be friendship or sexual or both.
And that's not nice.

However, for whatever reason, he has chosen to cut off all contact with the OP. The reason may well be the poor or declining health of his partner who he's been with for at least 3 years.

I think the OP need to come to terms with the fact that this man does not care about her in the same way she cares about him.
And move on with her own life.

BrassicWoman

Why is he ignoring me?


Free will, usually. You can't make people do anything they choose not to.