Why is he ignoring me?

Citygirl1

warehouse wrote: »

Seriously OP you come across as incredibly immature yet you must be in your 40's/50's. Surely that's a big part of your situation.

I am nearly 56 as it happens. I don't think I am immature. I am not wondering if so and so fancies me and giggling or mooching in a corner about him.

I am a grown up woman who is trying to deal with anger and hurt feelings, there is a difference.

pearl123

OP -
Time to move on. He has a relationship with someone else. Put yourself in the the other womens shoes! Would you want to know an ex was hovering around, if you had a serious illness.

He hasn't responded because he really didn't need to. He's not in a relationship with you anymore.

I can understand that it is difficult letting go, but mentally you really should for all your sakes.

pearl123

"My affair with the married man lasted nine years but ended last summer. The friendship still carried on with the other one but I couldn't get over my anger that he would do things with this woman that he would never do with me."

Plus, it really does not sound like true love. Perhaps your ego for want of a better word has taken a bit of a knock.
In reality you moved on years ago when you had an affair with another man for 9 years.

DUTR

Citygirl1 wrote: »

I am nearly 56 as it happens. I don't think I am immature. I am not wondering if so and so fancies me and giggling or mooching in a corner about him.

I am a grown up woman who is trying to deal with anger and hurt feelings, there is a difference.

Perhaps immature isn't the best description, however be open to some of the comments being presented to you.
Indeed you can't just forget about someone, however it does seem that you are in a mindset that you have the lead in all of your relationships, what may have happened 30years ago, certainly doesn't happen now with regards to relationships.
He is not in a relationship with you and also doesn't have to report to you.
That seems to be where the hurt and anger spans from, it can't be all his fault , we all have one life and can't pass every living day waiting for someone to be available.

Citygirl1

DUTR wrote: »

Perhaps immature isn't the best description, however be open to some of the comments being presented to you.
Indeed you can't just forget about someone, however it does seem that you are in a mindset that you have the lead in all of your relationships, what may have happened 30years ago, certainly doesn't happen now with regards to relationships.
He is not in a relationship with you and also doesn't have to report to you.
That seems to be where the hurt and anger spans from, it can't be all his fault , we all have one life and can't pass every living day waiting for someone to be available.

Its true what you say. However, why did he keep saying 'what might happen' and why hide his relationship from me and let me find out about it on Facebook? Why will he do 'couply' things with this woman and never would with me, despite saying he has feelings for me? I know he doesn't have to report to me, nor do I with him but I do have feelings and I feel as if I have been used.

DUTR

Citygirl1 wrote: »

Its true what you say. However, why did he keep saying 'what might happen' and why hide his relationship from me and let me find out about it on Facebook? Why will he do 'couply' things with this woman and never would with me, despite saying he has feelings for me? I know he doesn't have to report to me, nor do I with him but I do have feelings and I feel as if I have been used.

People can feel used for a host of reasons, however as he hasn't just spun you lines to get 'what he may want' then I personaly don't understand why you feel used (that is not to deny how you feel), he may have felt he is unable to just tell you straight (that is not a fault on you) some people are just 'diplomatic' on that sort of topic.

Loanranger

He is not interested in you. This is the bald fact. Stop torturing yourself with questions about why. It really should have been obvious to you many years ago that he does not want a couple type relationship with you. Why that is is completely beside the point and dwelling on it will not assist you to move on.
Just stop it and move on.
Sorry to be blunt but someone needs to be!

BucksLady

Citygirl1 wrote: »

. After my Mum died in 2007 I went downhill and ended up seeing a married man. Yes I know it was wrong but I wanted excitement to take my mind off my grief. .

Lost for words I'm afraid ......

phillw

It would seem to me that over the years you've been each others back up plan. Even when you weren't in a relationship with each other, you enabled each other to have unhealthy relationships.

Maybe he has figured that out? Or maybe he's found some other outlet for his behaviour. Either way, get yourself sorted out.

Citygirl1

My head is accepting it in the way that I am not crying or unable to go about living my life normally, I just don't get the sudden silence after years of him always wanting to come round and see me.

Whatever, I am annoyed and I agree I need to move on from this anger. I usually release these things by writing it down so maybe I need to do this now (on paper I mean). I have already written about him in my journal but that was a few months ago. I know I will get annoyed even reading it back.