Why is he ignoring me?

Citygirl1

This is a longish story so please bear with me. I have this 'friend' who was my boyfriend in the 1980s, we drifted apart and got in contact again after my marriage split up in 1998, he was already seeing someone whom he had met long before we got in contact again though he wasn't very happy with her. We would meet up now and again and he still wanted to get closer to me in other ways and told me he had still got feelings for me which I believed he had. Anyway to cut a long story short he split up with this girlfriend in 2002, I didn't expect him to jump into my arms straight away, I knew he would need time to get over her but years went by and things remained the same between us, he was not wanting to take things any further with me. I wasn't expecting him to marry me or live with me (I don't want that myself after two failed marriages) but for us to be in a relationship. He kept saying 'wait and see' but nothing happened. After my Mum died in 2007 I went downhill and ended up seeing a married man. Yes I know it was wrong but I wanted excitement to take my mind off my grief. My 'friend' still kept coming round to see me and was very supportive when I got upset about the situation and got into scrapes in the relationship I was having. However, all he wanted to do was come round to my flat and shied away from us going out anywhere, from meeting my family or staying overnight with me or anything like that. I still made it clear I was interested in him but he told me I was in a relationship, albeit with a married man and he didn't want to come inbetween that. Then three years ago I found out, only via Facebook, that he is in a relationship with someone. I was truly gutted and annoyed that he had kept it from me but he couldn't see why - I was in a relationship so why shouldn't he be in one? He had the notion that he had tried to get close to me and take things further and I had pushed him away for the married man which is totally untrue, he had pushed me away! My affair with the married man lasted nine years but ended last summer. The friendship still carried on with the other one but I couldn't get over my anger that he would do things with this woman that he would never do with me, holidays abroad, meeting her family, staying overnight etc. He failed to see why I was annoyed. Plus he said he had got feelings for us both and that he had been in my life for thirty odd years so didn't that mean something? Also, like when he was with the other girl, he told me to wait and see as I never know what might happen. My annoyance eased early in the year when he told me that his partner was suffering with cancer, I felt sorry for him then and for her and felt kind of guilty for having got annoyed. However, the last time I saw him was May this year. He has suddenly cut me off, at first when I texted to ask him why he said it was because he was on the verge of losing his job and wasn't taking it very well, so I gave him time but when I have texted him since (which has only been once by the way) he has completely ignored me, yet he is responding to people on Facebook and it looks like he has been offered a move to another job anyway. I don't want to chase him but I don't know why he is cutting me off like this after all these years. As far as I can see, via Facebook, he is still with this woman. Sorry for the long post but I feel better for getting it all out. Should I contact him again? I have already given him the option of telling me if he wants no more contact then I will delete his number but he hasn't even responded to that.

DoubleDoors

Citygirl1 wrote: »

This is a longish story so please bear with me. I have this 'friend' who was my boyfriend in the 1980s, we drifted apart and got in contact again after my marriage split up in 1998, he was already seeing someone whom he had met long before we got in contact again though he wasn't very happy with her. We would meet up now and again and he still wanted to get closer to me in other ways and told me he had still got feelings for me which I believed he had.

Anyway to cut a long story short he split up with this girlfriend in 2002, I didn't expect him to jump into my arms straight away, I knew he would need time to get over her but years went by and things remained the same between us, he was not wanting to take things any further with me. I wasn't expecting him to marry me or live with me (I don't want that myself after two failed marriages) but for us to be in a relationship. He kept saying 'wait and see' but nothing happened.

After my Mum died in 2007 I went downhill and ended up seeing a married man. Yes I know it was wrong but I wanted excitement to take my mind off my grief. My 'friend' still kept coming round to see me and was very supportive when I got upset about the situation and got into scrapes in the relationship I was having. However, all he wanted to do was come round to my flat and shied away from us going out anywhere, from meeting my family or staying overnight with me or anything like that. I still made it clear I was interested in him but he told me I was in a relationship, albeit with a married man and he didn't want to come inbetween that.

Then three years ago I found out, only via Facebook, that he is in a relationship with someone. I was truly gutted and annoyed that he had kept it from me but he couldn't see why - I was in a relationship so why shouldn't he be in one? He had the notion that he had tried to get close to me and take things further and I had pushed him away for the married man which is totally untrue, he had pushed me away!

My affair with the married man lasted nine years but ended last summer. The friendship still carried on with the other one but I couldn't get over my anger that he would do things with this woman that he would never do with me, holidays abroad, meeting her family, staying overnight etc. He failed to see why I was annoyed. Plus he said he had got feelings for us both and that he had been in my life for thirty odd years so didn't that mean something? Also, like when he was with the other girl, he told me to wait and see as I never know what might happen.

My annoyance eased early in the year when he told me that his partner was suffering with cancer, I felt sorry for him then and for her and felt kind of guilty for having got annoyed. However, the last time I saw him was May this year. He has suddenly cut me off, at first when I texted to ask him why he said it was because he was on the verge of losing his job and wasn't taking it very well, so I gave him time but when I have texted him since (which has only been once by the way) he has completely ignored me, yet he is responding to people on Facebook and it looks like he has been offered a move to another job anyway.

I don't want to chase him but I don't know why he is cutting me off like this after all these years. As far as I can see, via Facebook, he is still with this woman. Sorry for the long post but I feel better for getting it all out. Should I contact him again? I have already given him the option of telling me if he wants no more contact then I will delete his number but he hasn't even responded to that.

I hope you don't mind me putting a few paragraphs in, makes it a bit easier to read/digest. Don't contact him again, it looks like he doesn't want to see you at the moment.

Citygirl1

DoubleDoors wrote: »

I hope you don't mind me putting a few paragraphs in, makes it a bit easier to read/digest. Don't contact him again, it looks like he doesn't want to see you at the moment.

Thank you for your reply. Sorry but I can't see where you have added any paragraphs.

DUTR

Citygirl1 wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Sorry but I can't see where you have added any paragraphs.

I can see where the paragraphs have been added, I did read your original post all be it with diffculty due to one big block of text.
Anyways, he is entitled to his space just as you are, you both have lives of your own, if they come to meet then all good, but from what I understand of what you have written, is that you are both just passing time with each other.

-taff

He's not interested in you the way you want him to be, He;s had years to make a move and he hasn't. Forget about him.

meer53

Double Doors has separated the text into paragraphs, not added any more ! It was really hard to read as it was. Forget about him, if he wanted to be with you he would.

Pollycat

-taff wrote: »

He's not interested in you the way you want him to be, He;s had years to make a move and he hasn't. Forget about him.

I agree ^^^^.
He's just not into you.

You're flogging the proverbial deceased equine.

Can you really not see the difference between your post and the revised one by DoubleDoors?
It's much easier to read.

Mojisola

Citygirl1 wrote: »

He has suddenly cut me off,

when I have texted him since (which has only been once by the way) he has completely ignored me, yet he is responding to people on Facebook

I don't want to chase him but I don't know why he is cutting me off like this after all these years.

As far as I can see, via Facebook, he is still with this woman.

You don't want to chase him; he's with someone else; he's not responding to your attempts to contact him - isn't it clear that he doesn't want to maintain any connection to you?

Citygirl1

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree ^^^^.
He's just not into you.

You're flogging the proverbial deceased equine.

Can you really not see the difference between your post and the revised one by DoubleDoors?
It's much easier to read.

Ah yes thanks, I can see it now.

Citygirl1

Thanks for all your replies and apologies for the unseparated paragraphs before.

I do realise what you're saying and I don't intend to chase him. If he was someone I had just met it would be easier to shake off completely and forget about him but I have known this bloke for thirty two years now and he has always been in my life on and off in one way or another.

I know he is with someone but he hid this from me and then blamed me for my relationship when he had had chances with me before and pushed me away and is now turning the tables on me.

I don't know how to get rid of my anger, it is this I find it hard to move on from.

warehouse

Seriously OP you come across as incredibly immature yet you must be in your 40's/50's. Surely that's a big part of your situation.