Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

tantaraza wrote: »

I hope you’re feeling better from your cold, and that rest sounds like an excellent idea for your wellbeing! I concur wholeheartedly with Daisy and Carboot re your stepdad, HHOD. I agree that it’s very quick but as they’ve both mentioned, there are several reasons why your stepdad may want to start seeing someone a little sooner than expected. Would it help if you met him and his new ‘friend’ for a coffee one day? I completely understand if it would feel too strange to see another woman with your stepdad at this point in time, but it might lead to a open discussion with him? He may also be feeling guilty about his loneliness since your mum’s passing, and a coffee chat might help him to feel better as well as providing you with some clarity?

That’s just my two pennies though, the decision is entirely yours and you should do what you feel comfortable with.

Thank you for your kind comments regarding my diary though, and you too carbootcrazy — in my case I have dogs and am currently on a much lower income than I should ordinarily be. Although this reduced income is temporary, it’s been “suggested” that I rehome them, even though they’re part of my family and beneficial to my mental health. I could probably pay off my debts quicker if I didn’t have dog-related expenses to pay, IYSWIM, which is why I’m a bit nervous about posting a diary, but I’d prefer to be happily poor instead of miserably rich

Thank you Tantaraza . I'm meeting stepdad for coffee as usual tomorrow morning, so perhaps the subject will come up. The lady was a mutual friend of my mum and stepdad, so I know her but not very well. I have always liked her, it's just a very strange situation to get used to. I think she is lonely too as she separated from her partner a year ago, so it is a case of two lonely people getting together. I know it's sensible on the face of it. But I just want my mum back .

With regard to your dogs, they are part of your family and anything that helps your mental health should be treasured. It's not very MSE of me to have three DC and a rabbit, but I have no intention of rehoming them . As your situation is temporary it would be particularly pointless to put yourself through the agony of parting with your furry friends. Sometimes mental health considerations are more important than purely practical ones. Anyway there is a well known link between poor mental health and debt, so your mental health should take priority .

And I completely agree with what Daisy said with regard to dogs AND diaries .

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

I've spent ages responding to your (HH) question about how I managed to cook without a cooker or microwave, and tantaraza's comment about being advised to rehome her dogs but both posts completely disappeared:mad::mad::mad:. No idea why and can't find them anywhere to repost. Sorry.


Will be back later. I hope everyone has a good day and that you're feeling a lot better this morning, HH, after a good night's sleep. It was so cold here last night and when the outside security light came on a few minutes ago (probably a visiting cat crossing the garden and triggering the beam) I could see that the grass is completely white with frost and my car windscreens are very iced up:eek:. Got to pop out as soon as the Post Office is open so must get the scraper and my gloves ready:(. I put the heating on as soon as I got up at 6 o'clock. No protest so far from OH but he hasn't come downstairs yet so might not even realise yet that it's on;)

Oh dear sorry about your missing posts Carboot . I usually copy a long post before I post it in case our internet chooses that exact moment to be flaky, because it's frustrating to lose a long and carefully worded post :mad:.

I hope you don't get too cold on your trip to the post office and that OH doesn't notice the heating is on :shhh:. Our sunshine of yesterday has changed to a grey sort of drizzle and it's cold, but not as cold as where you are I'm sure.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I slept much better last night but still feel quite rough. I'm deterimined to meet stepdad for coffee tomorrow morning though, so hopefully a day of rest and another night's sleep will help.

Our sunshine of yesterday has turned into a grey drizzle and it's quite chilly, so it's just as well I don't have to go anywhere.

We're short of money and some of our bills are going unpaid so I need to try and do surveys today. I'm £1.50 away from cashing out £30 on One Poll and I'll have a fiver on PA once it's all been approved. Every little helps! I'm a million miles away from cashing out on YG as I cashed out £50 just before Christmas.

[Deleted User]

tantaraza wrote: »

Thank you for your kind comments regarding my diary though, and you too carbootcrazy — in my case I have dogs and am currently on a much lower income than I should ordinarily be. Although this reduced income is temporary, it’s been “suggested” that I rehome them, even though they’re part of my family and beneficial to my mental health. I could probably pay off my debts quicker if I didn’t have dog-related expenses to pay, IYSWIM, which is why I’m a bit nervous about posting a diary, but I’d prefer to be happily poor instead of miserably rich

I can understand totally why you may not feel comfortable starting your own diary just now. You know you'll always be welcome on mine and HH's and we'll look forward to seeing you anytime:beer:

I'm just adding my thoughts on rehoming your dogs and I first need to say please DON'T do it until absolutely desperate. People who haven't shared their lives with a much-loved pet have no idea what a major part they contribute to our well-being and mental health. I've never owned a dog (apart from 'family' dogs as a child) but have always had at least one cat. They've been by my side through some really bad times and without them I don't honestly know how I'd have coped:o


Even when my debts were overwhelming I somehow managed to feed my cat (and not just cheap rubbish either!) and pay any vet expenses. I was prepared to go without myself so his needs were catered for. Trust me, it can be done:).


Pets are exactly as you say, part of our families. When our cat had to be put to sleep last October after a road accident I was overcome by grief. A well-meaning acquaintance who tried to console me suggested that, although not in so many words, ''it's only a cat'' and ''there are always plenty of cats around, you'll soon find another one''. Having a cat for 10 years and having his company and presence around the house every single day leaves a massive 'hole' when he's no longer there. I'm not equating the grief we felt at his loss to what HH is experiencing though losing her beloved Mum but it went as deep as any I've ever experienced in recent years for any human. I still haven't completely got over it, it knocked me for six.


Several years ago I went through a very bad year although not debt-related at that time. It was the culmination of a build-up of emotional problems that had been hidden for years which I don't really feel able to talk more about even on here:o. The cat I had at that time, who had already been with me as an ever-present comfort for about 15 years, was very instrumental in helping me get through it and regain my normal life again.



We don't have a cat at the moment and don't feel we will ever have one again now. I just can't opt to risk experiencing that grief again. Hold on to what you have unless there absolutely isn't any other option. The love for and of a pet is beyond price:)

HairyHandofDartmoor

Well said Carboot :T.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I've just had a lucky dip cup of tea :rotfl:. Lucky dip in the sense that I have no idea if it had caffeine in or not :rotfl:.

On Wednesday after my food shop, I felt so rough that I opened a packet of ordinary teabags and a packet of decaffeinated teabags and got them all muddled up :doh:. So I have 40 teabags that I know have caffeine in, 40 that I know are decaff, and 120 where I have absolutely no idea :doh:.

My most recent cup of tea was from the lucky dip selection!

DS1 told his friends about my teabag predicament online and they had various 'helpful' suggestions, including pour a bit of Red Bull into every cup, and give some tea to a spider and if the web it spins is all peculiar then it must have caffeine in :rotfl:.

WannabeFree

I like the sound of a lucky dip selection

Hope you really do rest today and feel much better tomorrow.

Do you know when you can catch up on the bills? Will they be okay waiting?
x

elizabethhull

tantaraza wrote: »

in my case I have dogs and am currently on a much lower income than I should ordinarily be. Although this reduced income is temporary, it’s been “suggested” that I rehome them, even though they’re part of my family and beneficial to my mental health. I could probably pay off my debts quicker if I didn’t have dog-related expenses to pay, IYSWIM, which is why I’m a bit nervous about posting a diary, but I’d prefer to be happily poor instead of miserably rich

People who suggest rehoming much-loved members of the family presumably don't have pets or they wouldn't even think of it. I'm a cat rather than a dog person, (and I'm definitely 'coming back' as a cat !!), but it's unthinkable unless you are literally unable to feed them. Even homeless people often have a pet for company, responsibility and caring - think Streetcat Bob and you see a lot of the values pet-guardianship evokes.

Lucky-dip tea :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: - enjoy your selection !

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Wannabe .

The mortgage is paid for January which is the most important thing. We're owed about £130 at the moment from three customers, so that won't pay any of the bills completely, but we could share it around a bit when it arrives so they are less annoyed. We've had a letter from the energy company, but they're not threatening to cut us off yet. I shouldn't have overspent on the food yesterday .

We can get £40 from DS1 on Wednesday which will cover most of next week's food shop. In fact since I overspent this week, I'll make sure £40 covers the entire food shop. Now that the fussy eater is back at uni we can cut right back on the food spends.

So the survey money will be useful. DS1 has some savings, and although I would feel awful borrowing from him we could do that temporarily in an emergency if they were threatening to cut off our electricity or internet, both of which DH needs or he can't work.

DH needs to make some sales basically. I know I'm not helping at the moment but I am hoping that once I'm doing my course and can get back to volunteering I will be able to get a job at some point.

HairyHandofDartmoor

elizabethhull wrote: »

People who suggest rehoming much-loved members of the family presumably don't have pets or they wouldn't even think of it. I'm a cat rather than a dog person, (and I'm definitely 'coming back' as a cat !!), but it's unthinkable unless you are literally unable to feed them. Even homeless people often have a pet for company, responsibility and caring - think Streetcat Bob and you see a lot of the values pet-guardianship evokes.

Lucky-dip tea :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: - enjoy your selection !

Street Cat Bob was a lovely story and illustrates the point beautifully. I've seen the film and would like to read the book.