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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Comments
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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
Hairy this is a difficult one indeed. The only things I would say:
your stepdad is older so realistically nearer to the end of his life than the middle especially since he has just had a massive reminder that life doesn't go on forever. He might feel it's better to take whatever happiness and companionship as possible as who knows what the future will be.
He goes home to an empty house day after day and has no one to say do you fancy a cup of tea? Or help decide what to eat for dinner. You have your oh and 3 sons to keep you occupied and interested yet you still struggled without your mum around.
After being in a happy relationship people are likely to want to replicate that. Its not disrespecting your mum but rather reflecting the happiness and companionship they had and he has lost. People in unhappy marriages can tend to think I'm never going through this again and it's a relief when the marriage ends.
Ultimately it has no bearing on your relationship with your mum and your grief. You had your own relationship with her and what he does or doesn't do now she is no longer with you is separate to your feelings and your grief. Try not to mix the two things up.
You know everyone's grief is different and goes through different stages at differing times. You may find this friend still there in 5 years, the relationship solid and strong and helping them both in later life, you may find he is not as far through as he thought he was and in a few days, weeks or months it fizzles out.
I know you know all this. I'm not suggesting you haven't already thought of all this. I imagine it's been a huge surprise to find this out and you just need a little time to process the new situation. I'm only putting these thoughts and different opinions here to peruse and take what you want from them. Maybe nothing is helpful and I'm sorry, maybe there is something there you hadn't considered from quite that point of view and is helpful.
As ever, use what you need and good luck with feeling your way through this new and somewhat delicate situation ensuring you keep your good relations with him at a time when he may be acting a little out of character.
Hugs daisy xx22: 3🏅 4⭐ 23: 5🏅 6 ⭐ 24 1🏅 2⭐ 25 🏅 🥈⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. The diff between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney The barrier standing between you & what youre truly capable of isnt lack of info, ideas or techniques. The secret is 'do it'0 -
daisy_1571 wrote: »U
I understand, I was exactly the same. Turned out we had paid it for a year on a mortgage then I realised when I got annual statement in and cancelled it. They still had my letter on file which backed up my claim that we would never have wanted such a thing and we got a few hundred back for the one year we had paid it but the big bonus was the interest they had to pay us !!! Was better than having had that money in the bank.
So go on do it. Use this as a better rate of return than surveys even if you end up spending half a week gathering bits of paper with addresses and account numbers etc.
Set up a few folders or areas on your bed or somewhere and as you find things add them to the relevant pile. Send off the letters once you have it all as you will end up needing the same overall info for each one probably. You will then start getting replies so keep everything together for each account so you can easily dig out the envelope or file with the papers for each company/item. Note the outside of the envelope or file with something like: company name, relevant account or reference no, date letter sent, date reply received, date next letter sent etc so you keep on top of it as you go and find have go ho into each file go find which one. Especially important if you had more ghan end item with a particular company.
With that amount of cards etc you are bound to have had it on at least one.
Please do set yourself the task of solidly doing it next week as if it is your job - no distractions till its done. :T:T
Fingers xd for you :money:
Daisy xx
I agree that this is the ideal way to go about it, Daisy:T, but the process can be started without needing reference numbers and so on. I simply wrote to M&S Money, who had provided most of my big loans and other things:o, and asked them if I had had PPI on any of them. The paperwork on several had long been shredded in my various attempts to declutter. They sent me a list of all historic accounts and whether they had PPI. They also sent me a form to complete with any further details that I could add, such as my employment status at the time, why I thought it had been mis sold etc etc. Depending on how old the loans etc are, the lenders might still have records of your original application forms etc. To be honest I could add very little further information but they investigated it all the same and found in my favour:j
I contacted Santander both by phone and by using their online PPI reclaiming tool. You'll find that most if not all banks and other lenders will have full information on their websites about how to make PPI claims. It sets the ball rolling and they will contact you if they need to know anything else. Don't worry about filling in every section on the sometimes long forms they send for completion, it really isn't necessary to stress too much about it if you can't find paperwork or remember details.
That's how I did it anyway and it netted results:j. See if you can make a list of all the lenders you had dealings with, find their websites and look for the PPI claim section. Read that and take it from there. Making a claim is nothing to worry about. I can't stress enough the need to make a start as soon as you possibly can. The whole PPI claim situation has been ongoing for several years now and the deadline has already been extended with banks setting aside more and more money to cover the flood of claims. This final cut-off point is likely to be the last one and the banks etc are anticipating a mad rush of people who have left it to the last minute to get their claims in. I expect they may be overloaded and take longer to process claims, although I imagine they'll still accept your application so long as it arrives before the cut-off.
I'm assuming that you didn't ever send SAR requests to your creditors? That's one of the things posters on various debt-help websites recommend very strongly. It used to cost £10 per application (or per bank/financial institution if you had various products and accounts with them) which seemed pretty steep at the time but the amount of paperwork they send back is almost worth it in postage alone:rotfl: I understand it is now FREE though. If you haven't done it there's so much information on the NEDCAB website, an online resource which most people in financial difficulties find invaluable, They provide template letters for applying for the paperwork. As a result of a SAR request the bank or whatever has to send you copies of everything they have on file for you. Mine with Lloyds covered several old loans (alas no PPI:(), credit cards, bank accounts etc. You will see from that when you took out/closed loans etc and it will show if you had PPI. I appreciate this will take time and if it hasn't been done already you're probably wasting valuable time when any PPI can be discovered by other means anyway.
This post may well have crossed with someone else's saying something similar or maybe advising just the opposite:eek:. It's how I did it anyway and it worked:j0 -
daisy_1571 wrote: »Hairy this is a difficult one indeed. The only things I would say:
your stepdad is older so realistically nearer to the end of his life than the middle especially since he has just had a massive reminder that life doesn't go on forever. He might feel it's better to take whatever happiness and companionship as possible as who knows what the future will be.
He goes home to an empty house day after day and has no one to say do you fancy a cup of tea? Or help decide what to eat for dinner. You have your oh and 3 sons to keep you occupied and interested yet you still struggled without your mum around.
After being in a happy relationship people are likely to want to replicate that. Its not disrespecting your mum but rather reflecting the happiness and companionship they had and he has lost. People in unhappy marriages can tend to think I'm never going through this again and it's a relief when the marriage ends.
Ultimately it has no bearing on your relationship with your mum and your grief. You had your own relationship with her and what he does or doesn't do now she is no longer with you is separate to your feelings and your grief. Try not to mix the two things up.
You know everyone's grief is different and goes through different stages at differing times. You may find this friend still there in 5 years, the relationship solid and strong and helping them both in later life, you may find he is not as far through as he thought he was and in a few days, weeks or months it fizzles out.
I know you know all this. I'm not suggesting you haven't already thought of all this. I imagine it's been a huge surprise to find this out and you just need a little time to process the new situation. I'm only putting these thoughts and different opinions here to peruse and take what you want from them. Maybe nothing is helpful and I'm sorry, maybe there is something there you hadn't considered from quite that point of view and is helpful.
As ever, use what you need and good luck with feeling your way through this new and somewhat delicate situation ensuring you keep your good relations with him at a time when he may be acting a little out of character.
Hugs daisy xx
What a beautifully expressed post, daisy. You've said everything I wanted to say in a much better way than I ever could:A.0 -
HH, my heart goes out to you:kisses3:
We had a slightly similar situation with my Uncle, His wife was my Mum's sister and they had been a close 4-some since their early teenage years. My Aunty and Uncle were childless and spent so many Christmases and other holiday times at our house with us, plus we all went on wonderful, fun-packed holidays together many times during my childhood. My Aunty died suddenly at the age of 53 and my Uncle found a new love interest within about 6 months too:eek:. It was hard to take in but we all needed to, it was his life not ours, but it seemed 'wrong' as it changed the whole dynamic of our hitherto 'comfortable' and stable relationships.
My Mother, on the other hand, simply cut him off and never spoke to him again. He never visited our family home again. This caused problems for the rest of us and considerable distress for me as I was extremely fond of him. I really can't understand how my Dad went along with this, I adored my Dad, he was a reasonable man and my Uncle had been his lifelong friend. My Mother though was a hard woman, to her the only right way was her way. She was very domineering and heaven help any of us if we ever crossed her:eek:. Not a happy home situation to grow up in, despite it being extremely comfortable and money never being in short supply. When I left home, first as a student and later when I was working, I used to write to my Uncle unbeknown to her and fill him in on the latest family news such as the birth of my Brother's first child, declining health of other relatives etc.. I was a grown-up living an independent life, for goodness sake, and I still felt like a guilty child for doing such a thing.
His situation was slightly different to your Stepdad's though in that he was only 54 and I don't think anyone would expect a relatively young man to stay single for the rest of his life. I couldn't convince my Mother of this though just as I failed to win her round to any of my views in life.
I know what a kind-hearted, rational and loving person you are, HH, so I don't write the above with any intention of suggesting you would ostracize your Stepdad and his new partner. I know you'll manage to take whatever develops in your stride with the best intentions and with everyone's welfare at heart. It must be incredibly hard for you at the moment though as you seem to be the one suffering most from the loss of your lovely Mum. I so envy you for the loving relationship you shared with her. I can't imagine how you're feeling.
I do wonder though if the new relationship your Stepdad has is anything more than companionship with someone who has similar interests and the fact that it happens to be with a woman is irrelevant. Is this lady someone he knew already, maybe someone both he and your Mum had as a friend? It's always hard for someone who's always been part of a pair suddenly having to do everything alone. Some people just can't cope with the loneliness. I know you and your lovely family spend a lot of time with him and I also get the impression that you were closer to your Mum and Stepdad than your Sister was. I know you are physically closer but I just felt it was also true in other ways too.
It puzzles me why he told your Sister about the lady and not you. Maybe it's because he can see you are grieving the most for your Mum and would find it hard to take but maybe its because there's 'nothing in it' and he didn't want to give you any cause to worry about it. He sounds a lovely man and I'm sure his last intention would be to cause distress and hurt to anyone he loves. It also sounds as if he didn't really specifically spell anything out about the sleeping arrangements. From what you said in your post you only 'think' he has a love interest and it doesn't sound like your Sister knows the exact extent of the relationship either. Maybe your Stepdad planned to sleep on the sofa? Just because there's only one bedroom doesn't necessarily mean they plan to sleep together.
I really hope you can set your mind at rest about all this in one way or another, you must be in turmoil at the moment. Missing DS3, feeling unwell and now the cooker failing have all added to how you are coping with things. It can sometimes feel that life is totally against us. I've experienced that feeling several times in the past myself. I can't help you in any practical way, I only wish I could, but I'll be think of you:kisses3: . You've battled through so many big setbacks that would floor lots of people and you've still managed to keep your positive approach to taking the next step and moving on:A. I have nothing but admiration for you, HH. You will find a way through this.0 -
carbootcrazy wrote: »What a beautifully expressed post, daisy. You've said everything I wanted to say in a much better way than I ever could:A.
I agree.
It must be very difficult for you HH, but I suspect it's as much companionship as anything else.
Good luck with the PPI hunt."Good financial planning is about not spending money on things that add no value to your life in order to have more money for the things that do". Eoin McGee0 -
@Daisy @Carboot @Jwil Thank you
.
Daisy and Carboot thank you for posting such long and beautifully expressed posts. I do agree with you and I have wondered how he could bear to be in the house alone when I've been struggling even with DH and the DC. He has been mentioning the lady's name to me a lot in the past two weeks and telling me they were going places together, but perhaps naively, I thought they were just friends.
If this had happened in six months time then I would feel pleased for him probably. It's just the shortness of time that has disturbed me.
I won't cut him off of course. I won't even say anything to him about my feeling it is too soon, because I don't want to cause bad feeling.
But secretly inside myself I feel upset and disturbed because it has happened so quickly. The lady in question is a mutual friend of him and my mum, and appears very pleasant, although I don't know her well.
My sister is going to ask him today if they are just friends or romantically involved, as we both feel confused about what he thinks we know about it. He can be forgetful so he may think he's told us!
Anyway whatever the outcome I must deal with it and move on.Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
It's the six month anniversary since my mum died today
. It seems not that long ago and yet it also seems a lifetime ago. I have to get used to it and move on with my life. I know that I was lucky to have her in my life for 54 years and that she would want me to have a happy life.
I slept very badly last night for a variety of reasons, and I'm still full of cold, so I haven't gone to volunteering today. Which is a shame because I could have done with the distraction. But I need to focus on getting over my cold so that I can get back to normal next week.
Next week I want to get back to all of my normal activities plus I want to pursue the PPI claims on Monday and Tuesday.Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
carbootcrazy wrote: »I agree that this is the ideal way to go about it, Daisy:T, but the process can be started without needing reference numbers and so on. I simply wrote to M&S Money, who had provided most of my big loans and other things:o, and asked them if I had had PPI on any of them. The paperwork on several had long been shredded in my various attempts to declutter. They sent me a list of all historic accounts and whether they had PPI. They also sent me a form to complete with any further details that I could add, such as my employment status at the time, why I thought it had been mis sold etc etc. Depending on how old the loans etc are, the lenders might still have records of your original application forms etc. To be honest I could add very little further information but they investigated it all the same and found in my favour:j
I contacted Santander both by phone and by using their online PPI reclaiming tool. You'll find that most if not all banks and other lenders will have full information on their websites about how to make PPI claims. It sets the ball rolling and they will contact you if they need to know anything else. Don't worry about filling in every section on the sometimes long forms they send for completion, it really isn't necessary to stress too much about it if you can't find paperwork or remember details.
That's how I did it anyway and it netted results:j. See if you can make a list of all the lenders you had dealings with, find their websites and look for the PPI claim section. Read that and take it from there. Making a claim is nothing to worry about. I can't stress enough the need to make a start as soon as you possibly can. The whole PPI claim situation has been ongoing for several years now and the deadline has already been extended with banks setting aside more and more money to cover the flood of claims. This final cut-off point is likely to be the last one and the banks etc are anticipating a mad rush of people who have left it to the last minute to get their claims in. I expect they may be overloaded and take longer to process claims, although I imagine they'll still accept your application so long as it arrives before the cut-off.
I'm assuming that you didn't ever send SAR requests to your creditors? That's one of the things posters on various debt-help websites recommend very strongly. It used to cost £10 per application (or per bank/financial institution if you had various products and accounts with them) which seemed pretty steep at the time but the amount of paperwork they send back is almost worth it in postage alone:rotfl: I understand it is now FREE though. If you haven't done it there's so much information on the NEDCAB website, an online resource which most people in financial difficulties find invaluable, They provide template letters for applying for the paperwork. As a result of a SAR request the bank or whatever has to send you copies of everything they have on file for you. Mine with Lloyds covered several old loans (alas no PPI:(), credit cards, bank accounts etc. You will see from that when you took out/closed loans etc and it will show if you had PPI. I appreciate this will take time and if it hasn't been done already you're probably wasting valuable time when any PPI can be discovered by other means anyway.
This post may well have crossed with someone else's saying something similar or maybe advising just the opposite:eek:. It's how I did it anyway and it worked:j. I'm going to do exactly what you say (not the SAR requests as I don't have time for that) but everything else.
By the way we have only ever had one loan, a car loan from B@rclays I'm sure, which was a good 20 years ago before DH was self employed. Apart from that it has just been multiple credit cards and a previous mortgage with the H@lifax.
I will also look for the paperwork as well, but the important thing is to get the ball rolling.Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »Thank you very much Carboot for all the info
. I'm going to do exactly what you say (not the SAR requests as I don't have time for that) but everything else.
By the way we have only ever had one loan, a car loan from B@rclays I'm sure, which was a good 20 years ago before DH was self employed. Apart from that it has just been multiple credit cards and a previous mortgage with the H@lifax.
I will also look for the paperwork as well, but the important thing is to get the ball rolling.
Take care of yourself today, try to rest and get well. Another day of a delayed PPI claim isn't going to matter in the overall scheme of things0
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