Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

beanielou

Why do you feel
That's how your life is.
Not always easy & you have 3 DS's still living at home.
As you say you do the bulk of the household tasks as well.
Not much fun really.

Seasidegal58

Hi Hairy I’m sorry you’re feeling so

Like beanie says the ex-elephant in the room that was your debt is gone!:T But like a lot of us here on these boards you’ve made the decision never to get in debt again which is the most important thing. However this can fall back on itself because whereas without that mindset, one can just go on merrily piling up the debt, paying for everything that way and therefore cash flow isn’t really much of a problem. Once you have decided to stay debt free then the next problem is dealing with the actual cash flow that you do have coming in and living on that.

You and your OH have a small business and your income appears haphazard. Im going to stick my neck out here and ask whether it would be possible for you to get a full time/part time job outside the business that would at least give you a regular income. I don’t know what your business is and if you are involved heavily in the creative side or actual mechanisms of the business than this is a no go area. However if your contribution is the office based aspects then I’m sure with your experience over the years there could be something for you out there. Perhaps your OH could have any calls relating to the business diverted to his mobile so at least he can pick up queries, etc whilst he is out and about. Of course if you have a heavy office workload already this isn’t going to work and if the subject has already been covered previously in your diary, apologies for bringing it up again!:)

One thing also I would mention that an outside job could buck you up no end as you would be meeting new people and perhaps making new friends.

SSG x

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you SSG. You have rightly seen that our irregular income is our biggest problem and probably caused most of the debts in the first place. I would actually love a job, but DH was against it for many years as he felt he needed my help.

I think over the past year even he has realised that we need a regular income. So I am thinking seriously about what jobs I could do.

Working fom home for 20 years and before that being a full time mum doesn't seem to make me a catch for employers so maybe more voluntary work is the answer short term.

I think the money is the real problem. DH does hardly any housework because he is stressed/depressed probably. Working hard and still being poor fuels my resentment .

I think I'm very tired today. I only get like this when I'm tired .

redofromstart

Much sympathy from me, but don't underestimate your skills. What is critical is that you make it clear why you are looking for a job or 'they' will make assumptions - just looking for short term while the business is struggling, really wants to work for herself, etc.

Can you make something quick and easy like omelettes? Couscous with fridge scrapings? Beans on toast. Don't make anything nice, it wants to be half an effort enough to get the message over. I try and keep a reduced pizza or something in the freezer for those kind of evenings.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Redo. The trouble is I can't prove what I've done/can do as we work for ourselves. Plus no one to get a reference from. It is tricky. I'm organised, quite good with people I think, can use a computer, can write quite well. But I think I would quite like to work with children if I think about what I would actually enjoy.

I'm going to boil a packet of pasta and pour a jar of sauce over it. If they don't like it they can lump it!

Seasidegal58

Do you think a family pow wow is now in order? Sitting down with ALL the members of the family and discussing how best to make things work? Apart from the cash flow problem, what appears to me is how stressed and tired both you and OH are, especially with you doing most of the housework etc. A lot of young adults can be selfish and only think of themselves (and I know this because once upon a time I was one, but circumstances made me grow up a bit quickly!), but if you really stressed to the men in your family how you really feel perhaps they could take on a few of the household tasks and give you a break. I know one of your boys will be off to uni eventually and one will be on his travels again soon, but in the meantime there’s still things they can do. They probably don’t even realise all that much how difficult things are for you as you’ve done such a wonderful job of holding things together.

And re job experience - you’ve had years of running a small business and you’re computer literate - there should be quite a bit out there on the internet on how to compose a good CV. Tbh the manager in one department in our firm has given up hiring youngsters. She’s gone through about three at the moment because they can’t be bothered to turn up, have a bad attitude to the job etc. Sad but true. She’s just hired a woman in her forties who used to do the job and has just come back to after raising a family. And she is just working out fine......:D

And perhaps as OH is now realising about the cash flow problem he’ll be a bit more positive on the idea of outside income flowing in. Re his exercise - bit of a conundrum here - if he won’t do it it’ll be hard to make him. Get him out and about on a few of your walks? If he’s unfit probably the thought of exercise is scary but you’ve proved in the past that your walks have had a positive benefit.

HairyHandofDartmoor

DH just texted me to say was I ok. I replied no I feel tired and depressed. He apologised for getting stressed earlier and offered to cook. I feel a bit better now. Sometimes I just need him to notice how tired and fed up I am. DH tends to snap at me when he's stressed and I really resent that, so I'm glad he apologised.

What a moanfest my diary is tonight. I hope I'm not depressing everyone . I will try to cheer up.

beanielou

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

Hi Hairy I’m sorry you’re feeling so

Like beanie says the ex-elephant in the room that was your debt is gone!:T But like a lot of us here on these boards you’ve made the decision never to get in debt again which is the most important thing. However this can fall back on itself because whereas without that mindset, one can just go on merrily piling up the debt, paying for everything that way and therefore cash flow isn’t really much of a problem. Once you have decided to stay debt free then the next problem is dealing with the actual cash flow that you do have coming in and living on that.

You and your OH have a small business and your income appears haphazard. Im going to stick my neck out here and ask whether it would be possible for you to get a full time/part time job outside the business that would at least give you a regular income. I don’t know what your business is and if you are involved heavily in the creative side or actual mechanisms of the business than this is a no go area. However if your contribution is the office based aspects then I’m sure with your experience over the years there could be something for you out there. Perhaps your OH could have any calls relating to the business diverted to his mobile so at least he can pick up queries, etc whilst he is out and about. Of course if you have a heavy office workload already this isn’t going to work and if the subject has already been covered previously in your diary, apologies for bringing it up again!:)

One thing also I would mention that an outside job could buck you up no end as you would be meeting new people and perhaps making new friends.

SSG x

I agree with SSG, particularily about the meeting new people part.

Seasidegal58

Don’t be daft - you can moan on here as much as you like.

Glad OH has decided to become human again and appreciate you.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

Do you think a family pow wow is now in order? Sitting down with ALL the members of the family and discussing how best to make things work? Apart from the cash flow problem, what appears to me is how stressed and tired both you and OH are, especially with you doing most of the housework etc. A lot of young adults can be selfish and only think of themselves (and I know this because once upon a time I was one, but circumstances made me grow up a bit quickly!), but if you really stressed to the men in your family how you really feel perhaps they could take on a few of the household tasks and give you a break. I know one of your boys will be off to uni eventually and one will be on his travels again soon, but in the meantime there’s still things they can do. They probably don’t even realise all that much how difficult things are for you as you’ve done such a wonderful job of holding things together.

And re job experience - you’ve had years of running a small business and you’re computer literate - there should be quite a bit out there on the internet on how to compose a good CV. Tbh the manager in one department in our firm has given up hiring youngsters. She’s gone through about three at the moment because they can’t be bothered to turn up, have a bad attitude to the job etc. Sad but true. She’s just hired a woman in her forties who used to do the job and has just come back to after raising a family. And she is just working out fine......:D

And perhaps as OH is now realising about the cash flow problem he’ll be a bit more positive on the idea of outside income flowing in. Re his exercise - bit of a conundrum here - if he won’t do it it’ll be hard to make him. Get him out and about on a few of your walks? If he’s unfit probably the thought of exercise is scary but you’ve proved in the past that your walks have had a positive benefit.

Thank you SSG all excellent advice. The DC don't do much around the house. I should have made them do more when they were younger but being tired and stressed all the time, it felt easier to do it myself than battle to make them do it. Making a rod for myvown back I know .

I would be a very hard working, conscientious and responsible employee that's for sure. I probably need to have another go and have a bit more confidence in myself.

Part of the reason I suggested joining the National Trust was to force DH to move around more. We did talknabout going out to a NT place tomorrow, so I think we should do that. It will take both of our minds off our worries and give DH some much needed exercise.