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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

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  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 30 September 2019 at 4:42PM
    Well we drove DS3 to uni on Saturday. The car was loaded to the rafters with his clothes, bedding, kitchen equipment, books, big computer and big monitor, and mine and DH's overnight case!

    The traffic was good with no hold ups apart from one junction being closed and being diverted through Slough! We delivered DS3 and all his belongings to his student house at around 6pm. His housemates hadn't been able to get the wifi to work so DH got it working for them, while I made up DS3's bed and DS3 unloaded his belongings. His room is a bit bigger than we thought. It has a bed, wardrobe, bedside chest, desk and chair. So whilst it's small it is livable. It's a nice house so hopefully he'll be happy there and we met one of his housemates who seems very pleasant. It was nearly 8pm by the time we left and I felt really sad to leave DS3 in a strange house and drive away :(.

    DH and I had a meal and then drove to our hotel which was a forty minute drive away. It was a horrible drive as it was raining, dark and we were tired by then, plus a diversion meant it took an hour and a half to get there, so we didn't check into our hotel until 10.45pm. I was so tired I went straight to bed, but a backache made me toss and turn all night :(. We were both very thankful we didn't have to drive home that night though.

    We left at around 11am on Sunday and had another good journey so were home soon after 3pm. It was dull and showery a lot of the journey, and despite it being a good journey traffic-wise, I felt miserable and tearful most of the drive home :(. It was a combination of tiredness, leaving DS3 behind after having him home for three months, and driving back to Devon knowing my Mum wasn't there to hear all about our adventures :(. It was nice to see DS1 and DS2 again, but despite that I felt really sad and miserable all evening.

    I went to bed at 9.30pm as I was so tired and I slept soundly until my alarm woke me this morning. I was very glad I had school this morning to distract me. I enjoyed school and it did stop me thinking about not having DS3 and my Mum, but when I left and was walking home in the rain I felt a bit low again. I hope the rain stops soon as the gloomy weather is not helping my mood.

    This afternoon I decided to skip Pilates (again) and rest as I felt so tired after the weekend. I've put the dishwasher on and put some winter tops on to wash as it's feeling quite chilly at the moment.

    I know I'll get used to DS3 being away, but he'd been home for three months so it's hard to think I may not see him until December. He's quite a cheerful presence in the house when he's home so I miss him when he's not here. But I want him to get his degree and live his life, so I know he has to go.

    I hope everyone else had a good weekend.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 30 September 2019 at 5:30PM
    We spent about £120 on petrol and the hotel at the weekend. We also spent about £50 on an evening meal for DH and I on Saturday evening and spent money on food and drinks on the journeys. So all in all quite an expensive weekend, but it can't be helped.

    This afternoon I finally had time to organise my wages. I bought DH £50 of Premium Bonds, put £30 into the Christmas account and paid our water bill of £94. We're a bit skint now, but we can ask DS1 for his keep of £200 tomorrow and can get DS1's fortnightly keep of £40 from him on Wednesday. I'm also expecting £25 from One Poll that I cashed out on Friday.

    We'll need to be very frugal from now on though until DH can bring some more money in. Although our food and electricity bills should be a bit lower now that DS3 is back at uni.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • I know I'll get used to DS3 being away, but he'd been home for three months so it's hard to think I may not see him until December. He's quite a cheerful presence in the house when he's home so I miss him when he's not here. But I want him to get his degree and live his life, so I know he has to go.

    I hope everyone else had a good weekend.

    It is hard when they go away again after being with you. I always miss DD1 most when she leaves after a weekend with us.
    I now understand why my own mother had tears in her eyes when I left similarly.

    There's no solution, but if you've been lucky enough (as you have) to be loved yourself, it seems more like a cycle of life and loving that we would all wish to be part of.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 96,488 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Mortgage-free Glee!
    I miss my DS so much sometimes it hurts :o
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • It is hard when they go away again after being with you. I always miss DD1 most when she leaves after a weekend with us.
    I now understand why my own mother had tears in her eyes when I left similarly.

    There's no solution, but if you've been lucky enough (as you have) to be loved yourself, it seems more like a cycle of life and loving that we would all wish to be part of.

    Yes it is a cycle of life and loving I suppose. That's an interesting way of looking at it. I hope you are well Elizabeth?
    beanielou wrote: »
    I miss my DS so much sometimes it hurts :o

    We shouldn't have let them grow up should we :o. Never mind we are lucky to have them.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 1 October 2019 at 10:27AM
    I felt down again when I woke up this morning, not helped by grey skies and drizzle :(. But I'm trying to force my thoughts into a more cheerful trend.

    POSITIVES
    I have DH
    I still have DS1 and DS2 at home
    I have stepdad (even if he is behaving strangely)
    I have aunt and uncle
    I have my sister (even if she does live a long way away)
    I have a job I enjoy
    I have volunteering that I enjoy
    I have a course to help occupy me
    I live in a nice house (even if it does need work doing to it)


    That's my list of positives and there are a lot of them.

    I don't have to be at school until lunchtime today so I'll need to eat my lunch at 11am as I'm staying for the afternoon. I'm very glad I've got school to go to as staying in all day today would not be good for my mood!

    The sun is coming out occasionally, but the sky is mostly grey. Light rain is forcast for most of the day, but as long as we can stay outside at lunchtime then that's the important thing!

    I was saying to DH last night that we must try and plan something that we can look forward to. Christmas is too far away, so we need something before then to cheer us (me) up. DH and DS1 were unable to think of anything, but I hope we can come up with an idea. It will have to be a low cost one as we're very short of money after our weekend to drop DS3 off at uni. Even if we just invite someone around for a meal, or plan a day at a NT place, I feel it would cheer me up to have something to look forward to. Otherwise it's just school, home, school, home, if you see what I mean.

    Anyway, as you can see I'm trying very hard to be cheerful, even if I'm not completely succeeding at the moment :o.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • doingitanyway
    doingitanyway Posts: 10,306 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    Sorry you woke feeling down. the weather doesn't help does it?

    It is important to acknowledge negative feelings, but I'm sure your approach will help you. So, well done for taking time out to count the positives.

    It is a great idea to plan a day out so you have something nice to look forward to.
    You always come back happier after a NT day and that is not expensive so maybe an option?

    Hoping you feel more yourself soon.
    If you have built castles in the air, your work should not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them

    Emergency fund 3501000
    Buffer fund 0/100
    Debt Free (again) 25/072025
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 96,488 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Mortgage-free Glee!
    Lovely list of positives.
    Keep plodding:)
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • I felt down again when I woke up this morning, not helped by grey skies and drizzle :(. But I'm trying to force my thoughts into a more cheerful trend.

    POSITIVES
    I have DH
    I still have DS1 and DS2 at home
    I have stepdad (even if he is behaving strangely)
    I have aunt and uncle
    I have my sister (even if she does live a long way away)
    I have a job I enjoy
    I have volunteering that I enjoy
    I have a course to help occupy me
    I live in a nice house (even if it does need work doing to it)


    That's my list of positives and there are a lot of them.

    I don't have to be at school until lunchtime today so I'll need to eat my lunch at 11am as I'm staying for the afternoon. I'm very glad I've got school to go to as staying in all day today would not be good for my mood!

    The sun is coming out occasionally, but the sky is mostly grey. Light rain is forcast for most of the day, but as long as we can stay outside at lunchtime then that's the important thing!

    I was saying to DH last night that we must try and plan something that we can look forward to. Christmas is too far away, so we need something before then to cheer us (me) up. DH and DS1 were unable to think of anything, but I hope we can come up with an idea. It will have to be a low cost one as we're very short of money after our weekend to drop DS3 off at uni. Even if we just invite someone around for a meal, or plan a day at a NT place, I feel it would cheer me up to have something to look forward to. Otherwise it's just school, home, school, home, if you see what I mean.

    Anyway, as you can see I'm trying very hard to be cheerful, even if I'm not completely succeeding at the moment :o.

    Sometimes the list of positives, however long and true, still doesn't seem enough, and then one feels guilty for being ungrateful !!!
    Something to look forward to is an excellent idea, especially if it doesn't cost much.

    TBH, my 'go-to' gratitude list usually gets more basic; top of the list is clean running water, then roof over my head, and so on. Political, personal and gender freedoms are high too. So many women live coercive lives with very little autonomy that I am forever grateful for living in a Western democratic country.

    But gloomy weather has a habit of undoing all one's positive thoughts. I blame the barometric pressure which seems to have given me a thick head in the morning for the last few days !
    I'm concentrating on being grateful for reduced pain, my shiny new hip (!!), and a DH who helps.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 96,488 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Mortgage-free Glee!
    Elizabeth ~~. Reduced pain is always good:)
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
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