ADVICE for my Son - AS I am moving away

pbsmiles

Well I decided to come back and read the rest of the posts after having many fingers pointed at me on Friday and I can say that I am relieved that there are some people on this forum that are trying to help.

I would like to clarify a few things for the judgemental people whom I hope never go on to a jury as the people on trial would certainly be condemned from the off.

1. I am moving due to poor health and trying to get a quality of life whilst I can.
2. My son will not be thrown out, I never said this and never implied this.
3. My son will always be offered a home whilst I have a home.
4. My partner of 8 years is supportive of my son.
5. Should my son not be able to claim support in his own right, he will continue to be supported.
6. The choices we are making are made after lengthy conversations between myself, my partner, my ex husband, my son and my daughter.
7. The post was on he for me and my son to get the best advice we can, the giggle I referred to was my sarcastic way of implying that we would look at the response in shock on how people can be so vile.

So for those of you who have given some good advice and are open minded about the post - thank you!!

For the judgemental people amongst the comments, I hope that you are never in a position where you have to turn your world up side down for things not in your control.

Comms69

pbsmiles wrote: »

Well I decided to come back and read the rest of the posts after having many fingers pointed at me on Friday and I can say that I am relieved that there are some people on this forum that are trying to help.

I would like to clarify a few things for the judgemental people whom I hope never go on to a jury as the people on trial would certainly be condemned from the off.

1. I am moving due to poor health and trying to get a quality of life whilst I can.
2. My son will not be thrown out, I never said this and never implied this.
3. My son will always be offered a home whilst I have a home.
4. My partner of 8 years is supportive of my son.
5. Should my son not be able to claim support in his own right, he will continue to be supported.
6. The choices we are making are made after lengthy conversations between myself, my partner, my ex husband, my son and my daughter.
7. The post was on he for me and my son to get the best advice we can, the giggle I referred to was my sarcastic way of implying that we would look at the response in shock on how people can be so vile.

So for those of you who have given some good advice and are open minded about the post - thank you!!

For the judgemental people amongst the comments, I hope that you are never in a position where you have to turn your world up side down for things not in your control.

So why not just explain that from the off?.....bizarre

AnotherJoe

Comms69 wrote: »

So why not just explain that from the off?.....bizarre

Often happens, its a sympathy ambush.

pbsmiles

A Quick Reminder from Martin Lewis Himself its called Forum Etiquette .

The MoneySavingExpert.com forum is a place to share info and tips with others, discuss MoneySaving and pick up ways to save. We hope you'll enjoy it, but ask you to remember it's a broad church with many different types of people. Follow these basic rules to make it a good place to be.

Please be nice to all MoneySavers : There's no such thing as a stupid question and, even if you disagree, courtesy helps.
Please be sensitive : This may be a web forum, but you're still talking to other human beings. Repeatedly or harshly saying someone's wrong, especially on boards like DebtFreeWannabe, Bankruptcy or Benefits, can lead to upset.

We're proud that many people whose financial problems exacerbate mental health issues seek help in the forum, but this means you may be berating someone who's clinically depressed. Please think twice before posting judgmental comments.
Don't feed the trolls : Sadly the web has a habit of throwing up a very small but vocal number of trolls, people who are nasty or contrary just to get a rise out of you. If someone's doing this, simply don't reply, just report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. If you get involved and fling mud back, you risk being barred from using the forum too.
Take care over copyright : Use excerpts and links rather than copying long text. This site asserts copyright on all comments posted on the board.

Mojisola

pbsmiles wrote: »

Hello

I currently rent a property with my daughter who works (23) and my son who is at college (18).

In May next year I shall be moving in with my partner which means I will be moving area.

I am not concerned about my 23 year old but my son who will then be 19 will have to fend for himself.

Can anyone advise me on how to best approach this from finding him somewhere to live and how he can pay for it as I am expecting him to remain at college for the time being.

Many thanks
Concerned Mother.

:cool::eek:

pbsmiles wrote: »

Well I decided to come back and read the rest of the posts after having many fingers pointed at me on Friday and I can say that I am relieved that there are some people on this forum that are trying to help.

I would like to clarify a few things for the judgemental people whom I hope never go on to a jury as the people on trial would certainly be condemned from the off.

1. I am moving due to poor health and trying to get a quality of life whilst I can.
2. My son will not be thrown out, I never said this and never implied this.
3. My son will always be offered a home whilst I have a home.
4. My partner of 8 years is supportive of my son.
5. Should my son not be able to claim support in his own right, he will continue to be supported.
6. The choices we are making are made after lengthy conversations between myself, my partner, my ex husband, my son and my daughter.
7. The post was on he for me and my son to get the best advice we can, the giggle I referred to was my sarcastic way of implying that we would look at the response in shock on how people can be so vile.

So for those of you who have given some good advice and are open minded about the post - thank you!!

For the judgemental people amongst the comments, I hope that you are never in a position where you have to turn your world up side down for things not in your control.

Can't you see the difference between your first post and this one?

If someone had told you the information in the first post and nothing more, how would you have responded to them?

glasgowdan

But there's more to it than just "be nice". If people are afraid to speak the truth, nothing will be achieved. Being nice is civil, but not great at resolution. You should appreciate the cold bluntness of some people as I don't think anyone has been vile, several people have asked you for more information which you haven't provided, and they have still tried to offer advice, with what limited information you gave.

How can we look beyond the shock at leaving a lad on his own when we don't know the reasons, back story or any unusual circumstances that make you think it's ok when you've not told us?

I don't think there's any reason for you to be offended on this discussion as virtually all the replies have been formed with the intent of helping.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

pbsmiles wrote: »

A Quick Reminder from Martin Lewis Himself its called Forum Etiquette .

The MoneySavingExpert.com forum is a place to share info and tips with others, discuss MoneySaving and pick up ways to save. We hope you'll enjoy it, but ask you to remember it's a broad church with many different types of people. Follow these basic rules to make it a good place to be.

Please be nice to all MoneySavers : There's no such thing as a stupid question and, even if you disagree, courtesy helps.
Please be sensitive : This may be a web forum, but you're still talking to other human beings. Repeatedly or harshly saying someone's wrong, especially on boards like DebtFreeWannabe, Bankruptcy or Benefits, can lead to upset.

We're proud that many people whose financial problems exacerbate mental health issues seek help in the forum, but this means you may be berating someone who's clinically depressed. Please think twice before posting judgmental comments.
Don't feed the trolls : Sadly the web has a habit of throwing up a very small but vocal number of trolls, people who are nasty or contrary just to get a rise out of you. If someone's doing this, simply don't reply, just report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. If you get involved and fling mud back, you risk being barred from using the forum too.
Take care over copyright : Use excerpts and links rather than copying long text. This site asserts copyright on all comments posted on the board.

What the bloody hell has it got to do with him?

Davesnave

Unfortunately, not all people take care over the first post in a thread and leave important information out. We are then drip-fed with the salient facts in subsequent posts, which then makes some of the replies totally redundant.

While asking for advice or opinions on MSE shouldn't feel like a test or especially onerous, I don't think it's asking too much to expect posters to check what they've written and consider whether the readers have enough information to understand the issue.

Careless posting, dashed-off without thought may also be a form of rudeness.

aneary

Can the son move in with his dad and will that be convenient for college?

Is there a college near your partners home that does the same course maybe he could transfer to?

The only reason I ask both of these is due to a girl I House shared with did a masters and her parents kindly paid for her living costs and she soon found out that the amount really was her basic living costs if she wanted to go home for a visit or go out for a drink (literally a drink) this wasn't within her budget she did get a part time job and that meant she could actually live rather than just survive. So it would be financial better for all concerned if you could find a way for you son to stay with either you or his father?
The government doesn't view 18-24 year olds as adults there aren't really any available living benefits for them. It's the reason why maybe children who are in care often struggle due to a lack of support after 18. Unless your son is doing a university degree there isn't a loan option for continued education that would cover living costs.

Forgoodensake

Well said, Pbsmiles:T