ADVICE for my Son - AS I am moving away

Time2go

I lived on my own from age 18 - people make it work I got housing benefit to top up my income but I also worked full time.

Turn to us is a good website to find details of what he may be entitled to. Some people are ready to live without parents at 19 some not until 40s. I do wonder sometimes if some of the rudeness from people in here is because they are frustrated 40/50 year olds on their laptops in mummy and daddy's house waiting for them to die so they get their inheritance.

moneyistooshorttomention

I admit I'm struggling to see just how this son could possibly support himself whilst still at College.

He may be able to earn "spending money" for himself in a part-time job on top of those studies - but I admit to being at a loss as to where the money would apparently come from for rent, bills and his food.

tori.k

Time2go wrote: »

I lived on my own from age 18 - people make it work I got housing benefit to top up my income but I also worked full time.

Turn to us is a good website to find details of what he may be entitled to. Some people are ready to live without parents at 19 some not until 40s. I do wonder sometimes if some of the rudeness from people in here is because they are frustrated 40/50 year olds on their laptops in mummy and daddy's house waiting for them to die so they get their inheritance.

If a different time nowadays, there isn't the support as there used to be.
OP I would think first Port of call would be for your son to contact student services at college, they will have all the information on what student finances are available to him and can help him with social services/ local council and hopefully find him some supported accommodation.
In part I'm not really understanding the reaction to this post, but then my own son moved out just before his 20th birthday, his girlfriend and him wanted to take the next step and have there own space, where as my youngest son now the same age is years away from ready to fly the nest. So I'm going to assume you had the discussion and your son is quite mature and has decided he wants to stay in your current area, rather than move.

System

OP how long have you been in a relationship with your partner for?

Why can't your son live with you and your partner?

We need more information there is not a simple solution.

Speaking from experience I would advise you to seriously consider how your son will survive. He wont get hand outs if he is a student. They will basically advise him to look for a job. That means your move may impact his career path.

Not only that but a 19 year old struggling to adapt to being completely independent isn't as easy as it sounds. Combine that with lack of funds and support and you have another one of the millions who unfulfilled their potential or turned to a life of crime/drugs/drink etc. That is an extreme case but at that age support and guidance is everything.

If your partner doesn't want your son living there I would suggest you need to re think your relationship. When you first met them you would have said you had 2 children and that's what he signed up to. Can't pick and choose.

Newbie78

Wow that escalated quickly but without much information, no-one can expect people to help out with half the information

From my own perspective as one of 4 boys, I know 2 of my brothers wouldn't have a clue how to look after themselves at at 18, I moved out of home at 19 and was back at age 20. Its tough stepping into the real world!!

There is obviously a reason you have not asked him to join you in the move with your partner, I really hope for his sake he won't feel abandoned by this

Maybe ask yourself some more questions before asking a forum of strangers

FBaby

Surely the first step is to be clear what it is your son wants to do. It still isn't clear if he'll be in his last year or college or have finished. The two are different. Without knowing what he will be doing and what he is intending to do, how could anyone had provided advice anyway.

In the end, there are not a zillion choices. He gets a room and if still at college, and can evidence that you've moved away and left him without means, he might be able to claim IS for that period.

If at Uni, he'll have to do like everyone else, apply for grants and loans.

If working, he'll have to do like everyone else, support himself on what he earns. In either cases, he will have a much better chance if you agree to sign up as a guarantor.

If he decides to do nothing, he will have to sign up to UC/JSA, and be lucky to find a landord prepare to rent anything to him.

What else is there to say?

Nicki

If the hope is to apply for benefits he should do this before OP moves whilst he still has an address. I volunteered in a homeless shelter up to last year and lots of young men sleeping rough on the streets had been made to leave the parental home at 18 (often because the single parent lost CT rebate at that point and couldn't afford to keep them at home it seems). However once they had no home address it was difficult to claim benefits or get a job so they were trapped in a terrible situation

Can Shelter advise the child in these circumstances maybe

mummytofour

I see this all the time, it's so hard as they get older at what point are parents free to have a life??? But as we all know it's harder and harder for the young Ines to find places and pay for them too.

I would offer your son a place with you when you move, if he says no then that's his choice. He will be over 18 so an adult. I understand your situation. Op as I have teens too x

moneyistooshorttomention

mummytofour wrote: »

I see this all the time, it's so hard as they get older at what point are parents free to have a life??? But as we all know it's harder and harder for the young Ines to find places and pay for them too.

I would offer your son a place with you when you move, if he says no then that's his choice. He will be over 18 so an adult. I understand your situation. Op as I have teens too x

Parents get to "have a life" of their own once their child or children are fully grown-up and I doubt many would think in terms of "having a life" fully until their youngest is, say, 21 and maybe a bit older than that (maybe even 25 - as they need to be able to earn full adult wage to be independent on).

So, say, four children had at 2 year intervals for instance would equal imo =

Child 1 being born say 1970, child 2 1972, child 3 1974, child 4 1976 = comes to a total of 21 years (maybe more) from 1976 brings us to 1997.

That example would mean 27 years from start (child 1 born) to finish (child 4 reaching 21 - maybe more). Then the parent can proceed with "having a life". Until then they "have a Responsibility".

System

So you can't have a life and a bit of responsibility for your family at the same time?

If I was the OP I would bare in mind what might happen if it doesn't work out with the partner.

Will it all of a sudden suit living with her children again and getting a helping hand paying bills and having family around her for company.