Long Term Partner Becoming Personal Trainer (Jealousy etc)

thorsoak

NoNoDrama wrote: »

We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?

Yes I can see a way out of this - CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. There is no evidence that personal training is anything other than a respectable career, helping people to a HEALTHY lifestyle. If you see it as anything else, it says more about you than about your partner's career change. It is your attitude that is seedy, needy and jealous. If you cannot change it, then I do not see your relationship prospering.

FBaby

I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

You are the exact opposite of that right now. You're scared and reacting emotionally.

If her future career is more important than me I shouldn't be with her anyway.

So what you're saying is that although you recognise how you are feeling it's your issue and not hers, the onus is on her to give up what means so much to her rather to make you feel better rather than you working on your insecurities to support her? Very selfish attitude that is.

So a bit of pragmatic advice. Yes, statistically, there is probably a higher percentage of personal trainers who end up having an affair or leaving their partner for one of their customer than say a midwife as it's been used as an example. I expect the actual rate is probably still less than 1 in 10.

Unfortunately, you are jumping to the conclusion that because it is higher, your partner is bound to be one of the 10. Her becoming a personal trainer is not changing her as a person. Everyone can cheat/leave at anytime. What would make her think of doing it is the health of your relationship. If she's happy with you, she won't leave/cheat, whether she is a personal trainer or a midwife.

However, there is nothing more unattractive then a partner who assumes before there is any sort of evidence whatsoever that you are bound to leave/cheat just because you couldn't possibly resist the nice people you are going to meet with your job.

What can't you think about it another way? She is now going to be doing a job that she loves. That will make her happier and enhance your relationship. Yes, she may exposed to more temptation to leave/cheat than she was before, however, is it worth giving up the relationship just because of the small percentage that she might do? She still could have done it before and she could still do it even if she doesn't start this career. You are never protected from the risk of being hurt by a partner leaving/cheating.

FreddieFrugal

NoNoDrama wrote: »

I'm not biting to bored hermits but it's quite common knowledge...

NoNoDrama wrote: »

Your post rate is offensive. get out the house before giving others "advise".

NoNoDrama wrote: »

Fair play to you. Just hope no one richer/better looking comes along

Posts about a problem then insults people who suggest anything that's not what you want to hear.

If this is actually a genuine issue - then I would suggest that you end the relationship and/or seek some kind of counselling for your insecurities.

Your own attitudes as described in your post towards her aspirations are what's likely to cause her to look elsewhere - NOT her career choice!

selement

I was surprised to learn at my previous place of work at least 4/10 had cheated on their long term partner (often husband/wife) and that's just those that admit it! This was an office based job not hands on. If people want to cheat they will and I don't think place of work is the biggest factor!

BrassicWoman

I think love is caring about someone else's happiness more than your own.

You do not love her, so please do end it.

Marvel1

I would end it, your jealously will get worse and it will not be good for your own health and wellbeing.

-taff

NoNoDrama wrote: »

Hairdresser, doctor wouldn't bother me massage therapist couldn't date or chiropractor.

So when you visit a massage therapist, or chirporactor or personal trainer in their professional capacity, you just end up having sex with them then?

Valli

NoNoDrama wrote: »

We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?

Because you don't trust her.

annandale

I'm a female PT.

If a male client ever made a move on me he would have been my client no longer.

It really isn't a seedy industry. No more than any other environment where people meet

annandale

She hasn't even passed the qualification or got any clients yet. When I personal trained people I did it in a gym. With loads of people around. What exactly do you think people get up to in an open plan gym?